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Pig Born With Wings

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2011-01-28-pigshavewings3.jpg
Determined little Molly about to make her first flight.
Image courtesy of www. yaudabistro.com

We've all heard or even used the old saying to describe something impossible, "If pigs had wings, they'd fly." Now, thanks to genetic modification, pigs can fly.

In a groundbreaking development at the Veterinary Sciences Division at Queens University Belfast, Ireland, research specialist Dr. Kevin O'Farrell has successfully combined the DNA of a pig and an eagle to create a flying pig, or a "peagle," as O'Farrell has dubbed the new critter.

O'Farrell was jubilant as "the little porker, Molly, began flapping her wings and straight away flew out of the laboratory, down the hallway and out the front door!"

Belfast citizens were shocked. "I couldn't believe me eyes," exclaims waitress Catherine Cassidy. "That white and brown pig passed right overhead, and fast, too, making both pig and eagle sounds! I nearly wet meself!"

Shoe repair store owner, Gilbert Fitzpatrick, was just leaving his shop when "both pig and bird poop fell from above to the street in front of me. I looked up, saw a small pig with wings flying overhead, and made a vow right then and there to give up drinking!" Fortunately, an Irish Air Corps jet was able to intercept and safely capture the peagle, and then return it safely to O'Farrell.

The successful experiment came after several years of unsuccessful attempts to combine Molly's DNA with that of various other animals -- including that of a camel, a hippo, and a chimpanzee. "But nothing seemed to take until I decided to try the eagle, and then boom, magic!"

The pig/eagle combination, according to O'Farrell, has several useful advantages:
  • A herd of peagles can be trained to fly themselves to market.
  • Its pork products have a lighter, more flavorful taste.
  • It's much easier for peagles to escape predators.
  • Guaranteed to increase attendance at zoos, fairs, and restaurants specializing in wild game.
  • Cops and women aren't nearly as insulted when you refer to them as peagles.
As unique and exciting as the new peagle is, there are those, particularly in the religious community, who give it a strong thumbs-down. Reverend Milo McAllister of Belfast's Holy Mother of God Church, complains that "this satanic sow is a very bad idea. The Lord above created all living creatures according to His plan, and does not look kindly upon mankind tampering with them!"

But O'Farrell is not intimidated by such remarks. In fact, encouraged by the success of the peagle, O'Farrell reveals that he is researching the possibility of several other animal combinations, including a lizard and a donkey -- a "lonkey," a cow and a rabbit -- a "cabbit," and a moose and a chicken -- a "micken."

O'Farrell adds, "Now folks won't be so quick to say 'If pigs had wings, they'd fly.' And the other day, I heard someone saying 'Oh, sure, that'll happen when monkeys fly out of my butt.' All I can say is don't count that out!"