OSCEOLA, Iowa -- Every day, polls are taken to measure trends in public opinion. From the state of the economy to gas prices, to global warming, polling companies such as Gallup and Roper are contacting Americans on their phones, in their email, and even door-to-door, to find out what's on their minds. In the latest Tomkins Poll, results indicate something that is probably not surprising to most Americans, but may come as a shock to the poll-takers themselves: 9 out of 10 Americans despise being asked survey questions! "I'll admit we were somewhat taken aback," revealed company president Arthur Tomkins. "I mean, asking survey questions is our bread and butter. I always felt folks enjoyed giving their opinions about all sorts of things. But now, to find out that they hate what we do -- well, as you might think, it's depressing."
Teacher and mother Marina Orebic explains, "Well, of course I hate these polls and surveys. They usually call during dinner, when I'm trying to get my kids to sit still and eat, stuff's boiling over on the stove, my husband's trying to tell me about his day, and I'm supposed to interrupt my life and talk about my opinions on things to help them out with their dumb survey -- and for free, yet. Who would enjoy these polls? Lonely people with a lot of time on their hands who just like to hear the sound of their own voice, if you ask me. Those pollsters should be fined and shut down. They're nothing but a big pain in the you know what."
Admits Tomkins, "We may have to re-think our poll-taking strategy. And I already have one idea, because in our latest survey, 8 out of 10 Americans admit that they would be friendlier to strangers if the stranger compliments them first. I've already sent a memo to my pollsters urging them to find something nice to say about the person before asking them questions. And by the way, did anyone ever tell you, Mr. Miller, that you're a handsome, powerful, and charismatic man?"
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