The murder of 49 people in Orlando has profoundly affected me. Like all of us, I am grappling with the incomprehensible fact that those men and women, all with significant lives yet to live, were cut-down while they were in a place experiencing the positive moments that life has to offer - dancing, laughing, being free and feeling joy. For many of us, dancing in a gay club has always been our safe place... until now.
I think it's fair to say that the gay community has not experienced this type of mass grief tied to the loss of our brothers and sisters since the early days HIV/AIDs took so many people, similarly in the prime of their lives.
Although not directly touched by HIV/AIDS or the horrific Orlando shootings, my own life has been dramatically altered by unbearable loss. ALS took the life of my husband and partner Randy two years ago and, like many of the people killed in Orlando, he was young, only 41 years old.
To begin to heal, it's important to understand that the Orlando massacre has taken place in a different world then when AIDS-related deaths reached their heights in our community. Many of those deaths were suffered alone and often with little support. There were no social media platforms to help us connect, communicate and ideally console one another. None of this makes what happened this week any easier to deal with, however, it does change the way we cope.
It's also important to remember, we are more empowered now than ever before to stand with our partners in sickness and in health. In his interview with Pam Bondi, the Florida attorney general, CNN anchor Anderson Cooper confronted her with what he said were complaints from gay residents about her office's legal defense of Florida's same-sex marriage ban. Unlike the partners of HIV/AIDS patients of decades past, gay and lesbian spouses are now legally and rightfully recognized, versus being dismissed and locked out of the room when our partners are sick, hurt or in the case of Orlando, murdered.
The fact is that mass grief has revisited the gay community. The question is now, what do we do about it? From my personal experience, there are only two choices. Either we go forward stronger, or we let grief overcome us and crumble into a ball. Two years after my husband's death, I revisit these choices on a daily basis. It's not easy and is an ongoing battle (especially this week), but I choose to move forward.
I personally feel all of us need to take this time to grieve but then let that grief empower and propel us to move forward to make positive change. None of the victims in Orlando should die in vain. There are lessons to be learned and life yet to live. There is no simple solution to protect us from future attacks such as what happened in Orlando. But we can't let that overcome us. We need to take up the challenge, make it personal and make a difference.
Until we figure out how to do that, consider supporting the OneOrlando Fund to help the victims and their families.