Gay NASCAR Driver, Please Stand Up

Turn on the TV. Switch on ESPN, Fox Sports, NFL Sunday Ticket or any of those 24-hour satellite channels or sports webcasts that broadcast live games from across the country in one nonstop testosterone-happy grunt.

Look, right there. Did you see him? The one who just slam dunked? The one who tackled that receiver? The one who smashed that double to left center? That guy with the huge smile, hint of flair and the crazy thing with the hair? Guess what? Yep. Totally gay.

Bet on it, darling. There are gay men, right now, playing basketball in the NBA. There are gay men playing football, right now, in the NFL. Ditto Major League Baseball. Hockey, even. There are gay men (and women) scattered all over most every college team everywhere. I mean, obviously.

And I'm going to lay it all on the line and bet you a dollar -- all right, make it $10, hell, make it $100 and a bottle of Veuve Cliquot and a mani-pedi in the Castro -- that there is, right this minute, a gay NASCAR driver. Oh my God! Heathen! Blaspheme! Shut up!

Whatever. He might not know it yet, he might be utterly horrified by every little twitch and gurgle in his heart and loins as he whips around the track, fervently wishing he'd been born anywhere but Kentucky or Kansas or Tennessee, but gay he is. Ain't it grand?

Here is the amazing thing: Word is getting out -- slowly, strangely, awkwardly, but it's getting out nonetheless -- that gaydom abounds in pro sports.

All right, maybe not "abounds," maybe more like struggles and trembles and panics just a little, every single day, in fear of losing a major endorsement deal and/or getting eaten by scary fundamentalist Jesus, but still. It's certainly common enough that most players already know, and few of them really give a damn except the Bible thumpers and a handful of homophobic youngbloods, and even they shut the hell up when the team makes the playoffs and everyone gets a $10 million bonus and suddenly God can pipe down 'cuz daddy needs a new Mercedes SL550 and a dozen celebratory hookers.

"Any professional athlete who gets on TV or radio and says he never played with a gay guy is a stone-freakin' idiot. I would even say the same thing in college. Every college player, every pro player in any sport has probably played with a gay person."

That would be the NBA's own happily blasphemin' commentator and former superstar Sir Charles Barkley, who just doesn't give a s--t what people think, who has never been one to shy away from saying awesome things at the most unexpected times, who is fond of rolling his eyes and nailing the point home.

Of course, no players have actually admitted to their same-sex predilections yet. None have dared muster the nerve. But it all seems to point to one inevitable grand event: A gay pro player, somewhere, someone at the top of his game, perhaps even a superstar, will prove a true hero and break every childishly macho stereotype we have left (excepting maybe hip-hop and country music), and come on out. Hopefully soon.

And then, maybe another. And another. Maybe they'll start a movement. Maybe they'll become instant cultural flashpoints, icons for a new generation of gay athletes (and fans), the collective Jackie Robinsons of the time, stirring up all sorts of controversial melodrama and white-hot discussion to the point where no one knows how to parse it all and everyone just throws up their hands and gets on with life because, well, the games keep being played as usual, nothing undue happens, and Jesus doesn't actually give a damn, so who the hell cares, anyway?

Not your beloved SF Giants, at least. Here's the World Series champs, the first pro team of any sport to come out, as it were, and agree to record some inspirational video for Dan Savage's stunningly successful It's Gets Better Project, all at the behest of a very dedicated gay fan. Hey, it's a step. A rather huge one....

Read the rest of this column by clicking here.

Mark Morford is the author of The Daring Spectacle: Adventures in Deviant Journalism, a mega-collection of his finest columns for the SF Chronicle and SFGate. Get it at Amazon and beyond. He recently asked that you please step away from the fear, a piece lamenting how
Fox News ate my nuclear dolphins, and a column wondering why you always walk in circles. http://facebook.com/markmorfordyes">Facebook, or email him. Not to mention...

 

 

 

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Comments

[Bibulus]

03:50 AM on 05/31/2011

Ya right!

...next you're going to tell me there are gay players on the LPGA tour. "Possible" sure but highly unlikely.

[Rightlygay]

05:50 PM on 05/30/2011

No one cares and shouldnt......

[kapalabhati]

12:14 PM on 05/31/2011

Hardly the GOP's belief on the subject.......

[Rightlygay]

01:48 PM on 05/31/2011

I didnt say GOP.....its an issue 90% of people dont care about on both sides....I know a lot more homophobes on the left than the right ....mostly my former union buddies.....If my union knew I was gay they would have trumped up anything to get rid of me since I had the highest paying position in my local......they all wanted my position.....Most gays I know are GOP / libertarian....Obama will be very lucky to get 60% of the gay vote next year....

[jbumonkey]

01:23 PM on 06/03/2011

100% correct. it's a non-issue.

[firecracker0311]

09:53 AM on 05/30/2011

Since I actually follow NASCAR, of the 31 drivers who have qualified for the first 12 races of a 38 race schedule (aka meaning only 31 of 43 positions in a race are filled by "regulars") I'd say one may be gay, the rest? I'd bet not. Granted, the drivers and NASCAR go above and beyond the norm to protect their privacy so their is the possibility of a driver protecting his sexual behaviors. NOW if you were to count every driver in all 3 Top-Teir series that's ever qualified for a race since 1948??? Then maybe. And if there were gay drivers in NASCAR, it's very easy for them to be pushed out the door of the sport and forgotten about.

[eyecon]

12:10 PM on 05/29/2011

The most renowned expert on this matter has a different point of view. Of course I am referring to that great intellect and sage, Peter "Porno Pete" LaBarbera. He once scoffed at the notion that Matt Barber is gay claiming that it was impossible. After all, Pete giggled, Matt was once a professional boxer.

What Pete and the rest of the bigot brigade deny is the simple fact that we are everywhere. In addition to being football players and NASCAR drivers, we are dentists and lawyers; pediatricians and dieticians; hedge fund CEO's as well as police and fire fighters. It must scare the crap out of the yahoos that their kids might be cheering wildly for "one of them."

[TonyOnly]

08:54 AM on 05/27/2011

Now that you mention it, I always thought Darryl Waltrip`s hairstyle was a little strange. Of course he`s a former driver turned TV analyst. But all that "boogity, boogity" stuff. You never know.

And we shouldn`t know. What people do in the privacy of their own bedrooms is none of our business. And being gay doesn`t make someone any less of a person than they would be if they were straight.

[weedhighnightmare]

05:36 PM on 05/30/2011

Amen. I was just thinking that this article is at about 15 years late. No reasonable people care anymore. Nobody, gay or straight, should find it necessary to publicize their sexuality.

[kapalabhati]

12:15 PM on 05/31/2011

Tell that to Tennessee.

[Anaxamenes]

01:02 AM on 05/27/2011

Best quote of the day: "getting eaten by scary fundamentalist Jesus" LOL

[Bill J4321]

10:20 AM on 05/26/2011

"Of course, no players have actually admitted to their same-sex predilections yet."

One does not 'admit' who they are, one discloses who they are.

Admission implies being guilty of a crime.

Very poor choice of words.

[kapalabhati]

12:16 PM on 05/31/2011

You may be unfamiliar with Morford's work. I am sure his use of that term was intended with full irony.

[adcan49]

04:15 PM on 05/25/2011

As a baseball fan (Texas Rangers), I have often wondered if anyone could be gay and out at the same time. As much as I'd like to see that, I doubt I ever will. Enjoyed you post, btw.

[chesscub]

05:14 PM on 05/25/2011

If a current NBA exec can come out, it definitely shows attitudes are changing rapidly.

I wonder how many are afraid to come out not for fear of taunting but for fear of being the first current active and out player in their sport. All of the sudden they become "the gay player" instead of being known as a good player who happens to be gay.

Charles is right. People have been playing with other gay players all along.