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When Jesus Ate the Magic Mushrooms

Posted: 10/11/11 04:38 PM ET

People who had mystic experiences while taking the mushrooms were more likely to show increases in a personality trait dubbed "openness" ... The change was still in place a year later, suggesting a long-term effect. (Bloomberg)

Just look at us, would you? Are we not the most adorable creatures ever? The most perplexed and beautiful and lost?

Look at us, with our mountains and lifetimes of obvious empirical evidence proving this or that glorious fact of numinous human consciousness -- Meditation! MDMA! Orgasm! Love! Dreams! -- and yet somehow it takes us 5,000 years and about $5 million to get around to officially confirming that all that evidence and all those years might be onto something after all.

And I'm looking at you, Johns Hopkins University, for once again coming out with a timid little study reinforcing what everyone already knew and what you yourself already suggested about five years ago (I know because I wrote about it, mostly sober), which is the same as others discovered 20 years ago, and also 50, and 500, and throughout the entire continuum of lustful cosmic spacetime. Let us sigh.

Shall we recap? Once again, we find that magic mushrooms (a.k.a. psilocybin) really are rather astonishing wonderfungi that, when used in moderation and with all due respect, can induce a potent, lasting sense of "openness," creativity and artistic curiosity in the otherwise stressed, compressed, far-too-depressed animal you see right there in the mirror. No! Really? Go figure.

Is it not a wonder? I personally love the muted tone of such findings, the staid language, the flatly studious textures. "Why, yes," JHU seems to say, "many of the subjects did seem to rather enjoy themselves while warmly hallucinating on a couch while blindfolded listening to nice music for multiple uninterrupted hours.

"Our careful scientific measurements show that many appear to have, technically speaking, lightened the hell up, as their neural pathways were groped by God and licked by Mother Nature and gently whipped by the divine riding crop of their own deeper consciousness (see Fig. 3.7).

"Perhaps this is worth noting in our scientific journals. Perhaps even more studies are in order. Perhaps we should note that the effects were amplified tenfold when said subject was dancing uproariously next to a gaggle of dusty, semi-naked females by a giant, flame-throwing, steampunk octopus deep in the Nevada desert (see Fig. 3.8)."

Should we be celebrating? Should we be awaiting the next big announcement that psilocybin will soon be available to the masses in convenient pill form? After all, with such good news, it can't be long now until mainstream culture gets hold of such remarkable findings and American entrepreneurialism kicks in and you soon see premium 'shroom chocolates in the wine aisle at Whole Foods. Right?

As if. The CDC still ranks psilocybin a schedule I illegal, which means they believe it has no therapeutic value and has too much potential for abuse (unlike, say, alcohol or tobacco or the Tea Party or guns or television or hate or junk food or Rush Limbaugh or religion or oil or money or Facebook), which is just another way of reiterating the great American truism: Money trumps all.

It's true. If there's no serious corporate profit to be made from a given life enhancer (psilocybin, like pot or MDMA, can't exactly be trademarked), it therefore cannot be allowed to legally exist. It must be banned. Outlawed. After all, we can't have everyone running around feeling all "open" and fearless and defining god on their own delirious terms completely gratis, can we?

What a strange and wobbly time in which to live. We refuse to believe something until it's "proven" via scientific method, but once it's proven, half the nation immediately discredits it because science is for elitist liberals and only creationist Jesus and a sad gang of very dead, enormously repressed, Bible-writing priests from 1,500 years ago actually know anything about "truth."

Meanwhile, the best and most illuminating of nature's medicines remain underground, sidelined and fringe while the costly synthetics rage on full force, addicting millions, numbing out the soul of world, most no better (and often far, far worse) than placebos.

Did Jesus take magic mushrooms? Can we deliberate for a moment?...

Read the rest of this column by clicking here.

Mark Morford is the author of The Daring Spectacle: Adventures in Deviant Journalism, a mega-collection of his finest columns for the San Francisco Chronicle and SFGate. He recently wondered who in your life you find perfectly toxic, cheered that the gay agenda will see you now, and that you seem to enjoy always walking in circles. Join him on Facebook, or email him. Not to mention...

 
 
 

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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
FreedomMan
Writer, Illustrator, Philosopher
06:09 PM on 10/14/2011
2,000 years ago that mushroom was Amanita Muscaria . . . or as sometimes labeled then as Soma.

The chemical structures are different from magic mushrooms and psilocybin was not at all in the Amanita Muscaria mushroom.
01:01 PM on 10/13/2011
Wonderful!
11:59 PM on 10/12/2011
Jesus didn't need any 'shrooms. Between lead poisoning, and the hallucinogenic substances produced by improperly stored rye grain, he had plenty of hallucinations to go around.
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AlfredE69
Occupy Election '12: Vote 3rd Party
09:55 PM on 10/12/2011
I wish they were legal along with marijuana so I could walk down the street to the local shop and purchase some!
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02:47 AM on 10/13/2011
You're not the only one, AlfredE.
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fairwitness
Not content with stunned disbelief
09:13 AM on 10/12/2011
An interesting story of how these entheogens could be integrated into culture is Aldous Huxley's Island, where they are introduced to teens in a rite of passage from childhood to the larger world of adulthood and participation in conscious, present divinity.

And the story of how that holy enterprise is utterly misunderstood and demonized by crude, small, selfish, neurotic, aggressive power-seekers.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
JD Salinger
05:07 PM on 10/11/2011
So true that those who most need the message of entheogens are the least likely to experience them.

I don't understand why so many people feel threatened by others experiencing altered states of consciousness and feel the need to prohibit the substances.

Most of the plant based "drugs" are relatively benign and do not lead to addiction. I have no interest in addictive chemicals like meth or heroin, but psychedelics, especially natural ones, seem to have something to teach us - usually about ourselves. I'm open to experiencing mushrooms, ayahuasca, peyote, and of course cannabis. I believe they are best used with reverence for the plant and the experience with attention paid to mindset and setting, and not just to party. Hopefully the prohibition of these substances will end someday - with marijuana leading the way.
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02:46 AM on 10/13/2011
Yes. We hoped for this back in the '60s, '70s till Nixon made everything illegal and started that "war". His own commission found nothing bad about cannabis.

Not thinking things will change in my lifetime, in spite of the mass of youthful optimism for the future that existed decades ago.
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GuyRC
FYI: there is a cream for micro-bio.
04:35 PM on 10/13/2011
Google Conservative Brain Fear for your answer.