Days after Carrie Prejean admitted that she participated in a sex tape and called it "the biggest mistake of my life," seven additional such videos -- all "solo performances" have surfaced starring the de-crowned beauty queen, Radar reports. -- Us Magazine
I'm just gonna say it outright, OK you guys? You ready? Here it is ...
No candles.
I know, right? "But Carrie," I hear you whine, "candles are so, like, totally awesome! How can I not use them in my not very sexy Christian masturbation tape?" And I totally think so too!
But here's the thing. You want your scene to look good for your sexually frustrated boyfriend, right? Well, candles just get in the way of the action, and unless you're using an infrared camera, there's simply no way candles -- even, like, a million little votives from Wal-Mart that smell like vanilla pudding and hurt in a really yummy way when you drip them on your thigh and moan -- will illuminate the important stuff, like your sequined heels, a John Mayer poster, or the giant stuffed Pooh bear propping up the wine coolers on the bedside table. Sorry!
Also, candles are way dangerous! One involuntary leg spasm and suddenly the pillow lace is on fire, and the little cherub painting hanging over your Hello Kitty sheets is burning like Larry King's beady little eyes. Scary!
OK so, editing! You want to cut the fluff, right? I am, too! This is why editing is so important. Even your basic iPhone lets you trim out the awkward parts, like when you're about to fake another orgasm and you let out a shriek that sounds like a chicken mating with a leaf blower, and suddenly the cat freaks out and claws at your implants, and before you know it there's blood on your favorite US Weekly centerfold, totally blurring out Justin Timberlake's abs. Fantasy ruined! Gosh I hate that! So edit carefully, K?
Speaking of sounds, here's some advice I keep hearing over and over in a million different ways ...
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