Why Vacations Just Don't Work

When you're exhausted from working, overwhelmed and burnt-out, little visions come visiting. Visions of distant beaches, cabin hide-aways, foreign adventures. Especially now that summer has arrived, even here in Oregon where I'm writing, it's easy to start dreaming of that far-away land.

Vacation-land.

And so, off you go, on vacation. And, when you come back, by noon on Monday you're as exhausted as you were when you left. Did you take the wrong vacation? Or is there something wrong with vacations?

Vacations only solve one of two problems.

If you are crispy from working in your business, then you probably have two problems going on.

The first problem: physical and mental fatigue. You've probably worked long hours, doing too much, just plumb worn out.

For this, you need rest. Sitting around, doing nothing, taking naps, lounging. It's scary to contemplate when your to-do list is screaming at you, but it's absolutely necessary.

What does resting do? Resting empties you out. When you're exhausted, it feels as if you are empty, but the truth is you're full.

You may be empty of juice, but that's because you've been doing so much that your being has become full of all the doing-ness. Rest isn't recharging your batteries -- it's dumping out all the stuff you've been piling in there, like to-do lists, worries and responsibilities, and unresolved commitments.

But, when you come back from vacation, it's all waiting for you as soon as you enter your office. It only takes a few hours before you've filled your heart with the same lists, worries, and commitments.

Suddenly, you're full again. And... exhausted to be carrying it all, even though you've been back from vacation for exactly 180 minutes. Because you haven't handled the second problem.

The second problem: Lack of Connection

What keeps you from getting filled up again? By being full already.

Nature loves a vacuum, and fills it up. To avoid filling it up with all the stuff waiting for you in the office, you need to fill your heart with something else. With Connection.

Your heart's connection to Source has been blocked by all that stuff. If you fill yourself up with spiritual practices, then all that stuff can come pounding at you, but the door is already closed. "Sorry, you'll have to take the next elevator."

Ahhh... finally, true peace. Even though you're hundreds of miles from the beach.

Live in your heart's world, not your stuff's world.

In Sufism, the word for heart is 'qalb' which means 'to turn.' This is because the spiritual heart is always turning between the world of Source and the material world.

Your job isn't to get everything done in the material world so you can finally rest. Your job is to keep your heart turned towards Source as much as possible.

This keeps you living in your heart's world, not in your stuff's world.

But does that mean I don't get any work done?

Sure you'll get work done. In fact, you'll get more of the right work done, and less of the wrong work done. Because you won't be digging yourself out of a hole, instead you'll have a clear perspective.

So how do you access this magical happy heart space that protects you from overwhelm? And, does this mean no more vacations? I think you'll want to keep reading:

Keys to Spiritual Retreat

• Is your vacation a running away, or running towards?

Sometimes a vacation is just trying to 'get away from it all.' Other times it's because you want to take an adventure and go somewhere you haven't been before.

If you are just trying to 'get away from it all,' then I'm guessing you are dealing with the two problems I discussed above. Try creating a mini-vacation where you take off two days in a row to do absolutely nothing, even if it's around your house, or a weekend get-away.

This will relieve your exhaustion, and give you a sense spaciousness. Then you can save your funds, and your time, for adventure vacations that really take you somewhere you want to go.

• Take on a fill-you-up spiritual practice.

For what I've been discussing here, I recommend taking on a spiritual practice that connects you and fills your heart. I say this because some spiritual practices are meant to be emptying practices, which are great.

But the filling up, such as the ancient Sufi practice I teach called Remembrance, is critical so that there is no void that can suddenly be filled with stuff.

A key way to tell if your spiritual practice works or not is: does it have a carry-over effect into your worklife? Sometimes folks have spiritual practices where they feel great sitting on the meditation cushion, but as soon as they walk in their office, bam, it's the same as coming back from vacation.

If you haven't already (or even if you have) use the Remembrance Challenge to fill yourself up.

And that's just my way. If you have a favorite spiritual practice, meditation resource, or something else that keeps you connected in the workplace, I invite you to share it in the comments below.

• Take a spiritual retreat.

There are places where you can go and be guided by spiritual teachers, who will have you spending your days in spiritual practices. The carry-over effects of these kinds of retreats are amazing, and I recommend them highly.

Keys to look for? You'll want a retreat center that has teachers available for daily check-ins, to guide you through the internal terrain of your heart. Spiritual practices can bring up a lot of old emotions, like doing a spring cleaning of your basement.

I don't recommend cleaning out either your basement, or your heart, on your own.

If you don't have your own spiritual retreat resources, here's one from my Sufi lineage, called The Farm of Peace.

And, again, that's just what I know. If you have a favorite spiritual retreat resource, where there's real help and guidance available, where you come home nourished and changed, please post it in the comments below.

You can come back from vacation without feeling exhausted immediately if you take the risk to remedy your depletion with down time and your missing heart connection with a spiritual practice. And you might be surprised to find that with down time and spiritual connection, even your work can begin to feel like a vacation.

So, what are your favorite spiritual resources that help you stay connected at work?

Follow Mark Silver on Twitter: www.twitter.com/MarkHeartofBiz

Comments

[Brainoverbraun]

I have worked in the employment industry for over 20 years and have seen a huge increase in the number of hours white collar workers are spending on the job. At the same time I have also seen a huge increase in the inefficiency of large corporation who can lay off thousands of people at a time with not even a ripple in overall production (makes you wonder what all of those ppl were doing all day).

I blame this trend on 2 things - 1. Managers who are not capable of managing properly and do not provide their staff with the support they need to get the work done and 2. Employees who are so lacking in confidance about their own abilities and contributions that they never have the guts to say NO.

The combination of these 2 factors has North American (US and Canada) workers putting in ridiculous hours, bearing abnomal level of stress and dying of heart attacks just like poor Tim Russert at an early age.

We really should take a page from our European neighbours and just chill out. If you don't get your report or project in on time....what is really the cost? What is more important....your health or having the latest version of SAP running.....if you have to think about that for more than a microsecond you are part of the problem!!!

[drkazmd65]

Hmm,...

I guess that I just prefer my 'spiritual retreats' to involve beaches or oceans, cold gin & tonics, good food, no internet access, and time alone with my wife.

That's about all I need to gear back up - about a week of eating, drinking, and having no set schedule.

For me - at least it really is that simple. Don't try and make it complicated folks.

[LeftLeftLeft]

The idea of a vacation from the desk only works when your employer does not expect all the work you would have been doing while you are out will get done anyway. Otherwise you are just time-shifting your life for someone else's profits . . .

[cylindar]

What's with all this spiritual stuff, how about getting laid. It's been known to be a very relaxing technique, especially when done with someone you barely know.

[eliezering]

I used to go to the Lama Foundation every summer, in San Cristobal, NM, about 40 minutes north of Taos. It is a beautfiul, rustic setting, about 8600 feet up, very friendly people, and an ecumenical spiritual outlook. "Remembrance" (called zikr in Sufism) is practiced there, as well as Buddhist mediation, HIndu kirtan (chanting), Jewish Shabbat every week, or it is also okay just to pitch a tent on the land, help out in the kitchen or garden, and keep to yourself. They also provide amazing "hermitage" huts higher up on the mountain for solitude and extended solo retreats, and will help provide the food and firewood and in general support your stay.

For the less rustically inclined, of course, there is the old California standby; Esalen Institute in Big Sur, original home of the human potential movement, still thriving, and situated on perhaps the most exquisite spot in the US.

These were always my two primary retreat spots; I spent a good part of 30 years either being on retreat, re-integrating from a retreat, or preparing for another retreat. My brother says I began retreating as a child at the breakfast table, when I would isolate myself by surrounding my plate with the Cheeriors box, in front, and Rice Krispies and Frosted Flakes on either side, containing a small shelter from my family.

Eliezer Sobel, author of
The 99th Monkey:
A Spiritual Journalist's MIsadventures with
Gurus, Messiahs, Sex, Psychedelics and
Other Consciousness-Raising Adventures
www.the99thmonkey.com

[NoSillyName]

You don't come to NM anymore, eliezer? The place in Cristobal sounds lovely.

I, too, have been a "retreater" for most of my life, though nothing formal. As a child, I hoped to spend my life in a convent or monastery.... some kind of permanent spiritual retreat from the world where I never felt I belonged. I wanted simply to study, think, and write. I've been almost in that position for the past decade, but there are so many distractions now that didn't used to exist. Take what I'm doing at this very moment, for example.

[dadw5boys]

The best vaction is one you take alone.
Just throw some thing in the car and go.

Take 2 weeks and disappear.
If you can't do this then "Going on Vaction" will never be good.

I used to end up working harder while on vaction than at work.
Trying to make sure everyone had the vaction experience became my responsibility.
So I resigned from that position.
Took a ton off my sholdiers.
Now they plan and they make sure the bread winner gets the vaction experience.

Leaving them at home 2 years while I went on vaction alone taught them a good lesson and I learned a lot too.

[NoSillyName]

LOL, spoken like a man with five boys!!

[NoSillyName]

What's wrong with vacations? They aren't long enough. We need to learn from most European countries. Vacations for adults should be like those for children. You actually have enough time off to actually get bored and somewhat eager to return to your job.

I believe we'd be much more productive and happy. The American ideal of working till you drop is geared to robots, not humans.

[avraamjack]

.
The USA has sacrificed quality of life at the alter of GNP growth.
.
Everybody should get 8 weeks of vacation per year.
.

[sparkyfirepants]

Your typical vacation/returning description is right on target. I need to send this to my old office pals. Very enlightening!

As far as spiritually, I practice zazen every morning (Zen Buddhist meditation). The practice is to empty my mind of distractions so that I can focus more clearly, without analyzing every thought or concept that comes my way. Contrary to popular belief, this meditation it isn't all pillows, fluffy clouds, puppies, and chanting. In zazen you are very much alert and concentrating intensely. An ancillary benefit can be relaxation, but it's not the purpose.

Although this practice is empyting rather than filling, I feel that it helps me in my daily life (work and personal). I find that when practicing (key word, that) zazen consistently, I finish my day earlier, having accomplished more, and without the stressful "what's next?" thought running through my mind.

Am I suddenly perfect and at peace with everything? Of course not; that's why they call it practice!

I agree, going it alone can only take you so far (although I assure you no one wants to set foot in my basement). In zazen it's necessary at some point to find a Roshi (spiritual guide or mentor) to help you stay on track and improve your practice - I think in any spiritual practice that this is key.

[seawolf77]

I will never go on another vacation again. Just about everywhere you go, it's just like America, people serving you who can't stand what they are doing and resent the hell out of having to serve you. Sometimes overtly. Why bother? The tourism industry is just baloney. Now when I go somewhere if I even get a whiff of it I never go back again. That place will never see another dime of my money, and if the rest of you started doing it maybe they would improve. Until then, Hasta la vista baby!

[NoSillyName]

So often we find what we're looking for.

[joebaggadonuts]

Wow. I remember growing up in a resort hotel. I loved the guests and they had a great time. Most of the staff enjoyed their work and had time to play too.

You are right, there's no point in going somewhere where they hate you and only want your money. Come to think of it, it's also a mistake to work for a company/boss who hates you and only wants you to produce his/her/its income. Two sides of the same coin.