Cliven Bundy: "Hello, Donald?"
Donald Sterling: "Yes?"
Bundy: "This is Cliven Bundy."
Sterling: "Yes, Cliven, I've been meaning to call to tell you how much I admire what you're doing, but my boys -- uh,team -- are in the playoffs."
Bundy: "That's OK, Donald, I've been busy dealin' with the crap that that Commie, Jew-run New York Times put out there. Quoted me totally out of context, totally. Ya' know what I mean?"
Sterling: "Do I know what you mean? Damn straight I do, cowboy. I'm sitting at a Clippers game, totally into the action, and I lean over and tell my girlfriend about a nightmare I had the night before. I tell her I dreamed that I was at a Clippers game, totally into the action, and I leaned over to her and told her not to show up in public with black people. And then I tell her that in this awful dream I told her specifically not to come to games with Magic Johnson. And then I told her the really horrible part of the dream -- that she recorded what I said."
Bundy: "And, of course, the goddamn Marxist, Leninist, Maddowist, left-wing press just leaves out the dream part and now everybody thinks you hate blacks and I don't know what else."
Sterling: "That's not the half of it, Cliven. They also cut out the part where I told her I wanted her to set up a threesome with Al Sharpton."
Bundy: "Doesn't surprise me one bit, Don. They got everybody laughin' at me because I said I wanted to tell them something I know about the Negro. 'Course they haven't mentioned that I have a MFA in Negro Studies from Bob Jones University and that many of my cows are Black Anguses."
Sterling: "A travesty."
Bundy: "And they're getting everybody's panties in a knot because I said there are all these Negro people in North Las Vegas sitting around with nothin' to do so the kids go to jail and when they get out they're government subsidy slaves, which is worse than being real slaves because real slaves not only got to pick cotton, but they had families and turnips."
Sterling: "And the press just buried something you said that tied all of that together?"
Bundy: "No, that's pretty much what I said."
Sterling: "Well, I think anyone who understands your words will also understand exactly what kind of guy you are, Cliven."
Bundy: "Comin' from you, Don, that's a real compliment."
Sterling: "Cliven, I've got to run to meet a player on my team who hinted he might take 10 million dollars not to disfigure me. But before I go I want to invite you to have lunch with me at my private club here in Los Angeles."
Bundy: "That's very nice of you, Don, but does that mean I'm going to end up having to face a bunch of angry basketball players or Magic Johnson or Willie Mays?
Sterling: "At my club, that's just not going to be a problem, Cliven."