"Mitt, it's nearly 11:30 and I need to start making your lunch."
"Thanks, my dearest, but I think I'll have lunch at noon."
"But you always have lunch at 11:30."
"Well, honey, a man can learn and change. For example, before Ronald Reagan was elected president he took his afternoon nap between 2 and 4, but once he was in office he napped between 1:30 and 5. Newt Gingrich is another example. Over the last thirty years he's cheated on two wives and married a third. And even though he loved all of them passionately, nine months ago he realized that it was the country, not the wives and girlfriends, he loved passionately. The man learned and changed."
"I understand, honey. I'll bring you lunch at noon."
"And make that a peanut butter and jelly on Wonderbread, sweetie."
"But you're allergic to peanuts, Mitt, and you've eaten a club sandwich on a baguette every day since you became Governor."
"Well, honey, a man can learn and change. As it happens, today I read that the boiled peanut is the official snack food of South Carolina and I just started to salivate."
"Like in Florida at the Orange Festival and New Hampshire at the Pumpkin Festival?"
"You know me so well, Ann."
"All right, darling. I'll bring you your sandwich at noon."
"You are my rock and my salvation, Ann, but I don't want you to go to the trouble of bringing in my sandwich."
"It's no trouble, dear. I've been bringing you your sandwich since we got married. "
"Well I learned in business that sometimes it's good to shake things up a bit; to think outside the box. So how about we have Billy Graham bring in my sandwich and a priest who doesn't like boys bring me a cup of coffee."
"Now Mitty you know that coffee is a no-no."
"Yes, my darling, for us and 5,779,316 other voting adults who comprise 1.7 percent of the U.S. population. But I've learned that Joseph Smith found a gold Mr. Coffee machine in his temple garment, and not only that, President Kennedy drank coffee."
"But he was Catholic, Mitt."
"Exactly the point, my treasure."
"I'm not sure I follow, dear, but let's move on to what you'd like for dessert."
"Well I'd love some of those baby gooseberries that you're growing in the hothouse."
"Mitt, don't you remember telling me last week to get rid of the baby gooseberries because you thought they were going to turn out misshapen and ugly?"
"I never said that, dear heart. I said that we should let the baby gooseberries mature, however they might turn out."
"No, I distinctly remember that you came out to the hothouse, took a look at the baby gooseberry bush, which was only about half grown, then told me to pull it out, burn it, and never mention it to anyone."
"Well my little durian, a man learns and changes. Yesterday it dawned on me that baby gooseberries are just like tens of millions of little people in America, and that we should treat them with the same love and respect."
"But we eat the baby gooseberries, Mitt, and sometimes we forget they've fallen off the tree and we step on them."
"And your point, my Venus?"
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Women's Rights Hang In The Balance
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election will prove to have vast and potentially dire consequences for women in America. From the fall of Roe to an assault on IVF in Alabama and the resurrection of an 1864 Arizona abortion ban, women's rights are under attack across the country.
HuffPost is committed to bringing you the most up-to-date information as Americans vote this fall. While other news outlets retreat behind paywalls, we believe news this important should be free for everyone. Would you consider supporting our journalism? Even as little as $2 helps fund our work. Thank you.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.