Sometimes a viral video lives up to its name -- "viral," as in virus, as in something that can make you physically ill.
That's what happened to me when I saw that footage of a four-year-old Chinese boy running through the snow in his underpants, shivering and crying as his laughing parents kept on filming. According to the video's back story, the father designed this little exercise as an effort to toughen up his son -- but, really, how can there been any reason to expose a child to a blizzard, then stand back and watch him freezing and crying?
A lot has been said in recent months about the intense pressure being brought on kids by this new wave of so-called "Tiger Moms" and "Eagle Dads." Supporters of this kind of parenting theorize that it makes the children stronger, more self-reliant and, ultimately, more successful.
As far as I'm concerned, the only thing it will do is ensure a boon for psychiatrists 20 years from now, as they try to help a whole generation of young adults reconcile childhoods in which they were pushed too hard and too far. It's time we changed the conversation and stop accepting the tactics of these parents who are shoving their kids to the brink in a misguided effort to help them achieve the successes they could not find for themselves.
If we are going to look to the animal kingdom for role models, why rely solely on the ferocity of tigers or the swooping strength of eagles to give us guidance? Wouldn't we do better to instill in our children that other kind of strength -- the one that comes from the inside? I've often seen films of elephant moms and penguin dads caring for their offspring, and it's a touching thing to watch. They keep their litter warm. They nurture them. They teach them. They protect them.
Or maybe we should leave the jungle behind and get back to our living rooms and kitchen tables, where we can have real conversations about the complex challenges facing parents and their children today. Kids are being bombarded by high expectations like never before, and along with them, unbearable stress. They're pressured to perform well in school; to fit in socially; to be smart about sex and drugs; to cope with the perils of bullying and cyberbullying. For kids today, trying to navigate it all has never been harder.
This is why what happens at home is more important than ever. I am certainly as driven to succeed as the next person, if not more so; but I credit that not to some boot-camp kind of tough love when I was growing up, but rather to a more generous kind of parenting. My Mom and Dad weren't perfect, but if I had to pinpoint the one thing they did that instilled lifelong strength and self-confidence in my sister and brother and me, it was the fact that they listened. At face value, that seems kind of simple; but it was vital to me as a child. I knew I always had my parents' ear -- whether I was sitting on my bed, talking to my Mom about some drama I'd had in school, or getting one of my father's routine calls when he was working out of town, and reading him my latest English paper. Both of my parents were entirely focused on listening to our thoughts and feelings. That, to me, is the North Star of parenting.
So I offer for discussion on these pages a different approach to parenting. It's time to teach our children that success -- true success -- is about how we look out for each other as a community, how we protect the weak and needy; how we care for the planet; and how we come to seek -- and love -- a lifetime of learning.
It is not all about short-term success. It's long-term happiness that makes a life.
Follow Marlo Thomas on Twitter: www.twitter.com/MarloThomas
Now while I don't agree with a man who strips his son half naked and throws him out into the snow, there is something to be said for raising your child to have standards, to always strive to be the best, and to be accountable for their actions. If half of American parents did that we wouldn't have nearly the issues we do today.
Also keep in mind, this boy was born sick. The whole reason his father came up with this training regimen was to develop strength and health in his son. In that regard, 'eagle parenting' is not that uncommon. In fact if you look in US history, you'll find a product of eagle parenting standing among the presidents of the United States. His name is Teddy Roosevelt.
Children today have no expectations and no consequences for their behavior. Look bullies. Most parents side with their kids even when they're caught. It's either "My child couldn't possibly have done anything wrong" or "The school is being unreasonably harsh". They can't stand to look at their kid and admit that they did something wrong, because they're more concerned with making they're kid feel good about themselves rather than turning them into responsible adults.
Then they have the nerve to scream child abuse at parents who are actually trying to raise their children. Like the father who destroyed his daughters laptop after she used it to disrespect him and exaggerate the amount of chores she does. Or the mother who got sick of her son's lying & disciplinary infractions so she put hot sauce in his mouth and made him take a cold shower (I'd would've just spanked him.)
S go ahead and raise your special little wall flower. I'm going to raise my kids to be the men and woman with self respect and standards.
greatparenting.hubpages.com
And then these parents stand in a place where nobody can criticize them. Because how can you criticize wanting to have the best job and earn the most money. It's like criticizing policemen or firemen. The assumption is that all of this is beyond reproach.
Well, I'll just tell you this...I'd rather be dead than be raised like that.
The purpose of our lives is to love and be happy. And to those people who don't agree with that, I don't want to be anywhere near you. Ever.
This is a competitive world and unless your children will be inheriting your millions someday - they should be taught that success if OFTEN measured by a job well done.
The super achievers in school who would be punished for a "B" on a test often develop anxiety disorders and have trouble in relationships. Likewise, kids who grew up with little discipline have many of the predictable problems like substance abuse, poor school and work achievement, etc.
His advice was: "Give the kid a cookie." A healthy diet seven days a week is not going to be compromised with a cookie once in awhile. A day off from cello practice won't undo a month's worth of practice. And one B isn't a sign that little Billy won't be a success in college.
His point was that successful people emerge from a wide range of homes and parenting styles, but he said the one common denominator was that these people felt "valued" as a person by someone in their life -- parents, a grandma, or maybe a teacher or coach. Somebody got through to that child that their feelings, thoughts and dreams all mattered very much.
As Marlo said, listen to your kids and remind them that you value their company and their ideas, and that they are treasured parts of your family and your life. And when they've finished their homework, give them a cookie.