Everybody always says that when they finally hear the words "will you marry me" it's one of the happiest moments of their lives. It wasn't exactly like that for me.
First, the day that I finally got my proposal (after five years), I had just heard that my best friend from childhood was mad at me and debating continuing our friendship. I was also at home visiting my family, who I love with my all my heart, but truth be told I moved 5,000 miles away for a reason.
So when these words were said to me, I honestly didn't even hear them. I literally was off in my own world and had no clue that a proposal was happening right in front of me. My "magic moment" that I had been waiting over five years for was finally happening and I was missing it.
It's not that I wasn't madly in love with fiancé. It's that I have a problem being present. Maybe it's the Jew in me trying to control everything, but moments like these seem to escape me all the time.
It didn't hit me that I was engaged until later that evening when I was all by myself scarfing down a whole marble cake my mother had made. I wasn't nervous, or worried. I was happy. In fact, when I went to sleep that night, I woke up 10 times, looked at my hand and then giggled to myself. I was definitely happy. I had finally gotten what I wanted. I was engaged.
Cut to two weeks later. Jordan (my fiancé) and I are back home in Los Angeles and I start to notice that I am looking at him a little differently than usual. I'm watching him like a hawk and evaluating. I had never done this before. I would think things like "hmmmm when he's 60 is he going to do that?" or "How will that characteristic play out with our children?" Or, "Does he have to make that noise?" All things that had never crossed my mind ever in the past.
Then it hit me. I was evaluating whether or not Jordan was a potential life partner for marriage. Something I should have been doing during our courtship and entire relationship. I was doing what Jordan had been doing our whole relationship, being smart and thinking about a lifelong commitment.
I did not realize until that moment just how focused I had been on getting the guy. I had met Jordan when I was 23 (he was 33) and from the beginning of our relationship I simply wanted to hear that I was the one. No need for marriage, just the profession that I was more special than others.
I had spent our whole relationship in "why won't he marry me" mode that I forgot to ask myself, "Do I want to marry him?"
Well needless to say, the next few months were a bit of a roller coaster for me. Decisions are not my strong suit and the constant questions I was throwing my own way were driving me crazy. If he does this, will he do that? What will that mean for us in the future? I felt like an insane person.
I didn't know if I was alone in this, so I reached out to a few friends and they told me that they experienced something very similar post-proposal. Some of this questioning even went deep into their marriages. I didn't want these questions to linger past today, let alone to our 5th wedding anniversary.
So I talked to Jordan about it. I am sure many would have advised against it, but I believe in open communication, in fact that's exactly what I teach the hundreds of thousands of men I coach around the world to do. So I sat down and had open communication about what I was going through with Jordan.
Of course he was a little panicked at first but once we got past those ego-hitting moments, we really talked. Talked about everything; fears, worries, questions, happiness, our idea of partnership and commitment. Together we got to go through all the concerns that I had floating around in my head.
That conversation was what made me realize that I did want to marry Jordan and he was most certainly the one for me. Not because he answered everything correctly but because he stuck with me, even when I got super insecure and emotional. It was in that moment that I knew were a good team. We could overcome things and that made me happy.
Jordan and I have now been married for just a little over two years. He's a great husband and although we still have up and down moments, I know for certain that he's the man that I want to go through each of those moments with.
Marni Kinrys, the ultimate Wing Girl, is a woman who has worked with hundreds of thousands of men all over the world to help them understand women so they can attract, date, seduce and get any woman they want without being a jerk. Marni has been prominently featured in The Los Angeles Times, CNN, The Huffington Post, Fox News, The Chicago Tribune, Marie Claire, Elle, Glamour, Men's Health, BlackBook, Penthouse, Asylum.com, MSN, AOL Personals, Askmen.com & more. For more dating, sex and attraction tips, follow Marni on Facebook and Twitter.
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