Dear Johnny Depp,
Has it really come to this?
An article in Tuesday's Hollywood Reporter talked about the fact that, while you've got Public Enemies in theaters and Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland in the can (along with The Rum Diaries and The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus), none of your other prospective projects was coming together.
Then it started listing them -- and the first title on the list was a remake of The Incredible Mr. Limpet, a 1964 movie in which Don Knotts played a man who was transformed into a talking fish.
And a new Lone Ranger film -- in which you would play Tonto. And a remake of the vampire soap opera Dark Shadows. And Pirates of the Caribbean 4.
I recognize that Hollywood ran out of original ideas years ago -- and that it's suffering some sort of massive brain bleed this summer with Transformers 2 and Land of the Lost.
But I always assumed that you, Johnny Depp, had a little more integrity -- and taste -- than this.
OK, Pirates 4 makes a certain financial sense, even though the series ran out of steam after the first one. An eight-figure paycheck -- and infinite residuals -- are hard to pass up.
But The Incredible Mr. Limpet? This was a movie that stank on ice when it was fresh.
Is this what you now aspire to? Remaking the Don Knotts oeuvre? What's next: teaming up with, oh, I don't know, Nicolas Cage to remake The Apple Dumpling Gang?
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While the inteligence of the average moviegoer decides what crap gets green lit, fans who know better would rather have Cage do campy blockbusters than Sopranos stereotypes. Here in the era of dreck where GenXers can only remake the glorious past, it's the film age and not the movie actors who suck.
But I don't think there's anything close to any kind of project planned.
Of course, LOL, nothing is out of the question when it comes to Hollywood studios...
And as for remaking THE INCREDIBLE MR. LIMPET, well on the positive side, it HAS to be an improvement on the original. 8 reels of blank film would be an improvement. But I would not want to work with anyone who liked the original enough to want to revisit it.
But Marshall, THE APPLE DUMPLING GANG was actually an okay movie. Admittedly, a dear close friend of mine played a small role in it (playing the husband of Iris Adrian), and died before it came out, so I have a sentimental attachment to it, but Knotts teamed with Tim Conway actually worked fairly well. It's not a great movie, but it's a passing kid's comedy, and VASTLY better than THE GODAWFUL MR. LIMPET.
He is edgy when he wants to be, a great impersonator and damn hot !!!
And hey, some of us liked all three Pirates films even if the story got ah...ah.. a bit convoluted....and to see Jack Sparrow once more sounds delish to me. I can't help it. All intellectualism goes out the window when Depp puts on that outfit.
And Dark Shadows! Whoa, I thought that sounded a bit fun, too.
Criticizing Hollywood for its lack of original ideas is admirable and I agree, but not exactly in the case of these ideas. Just my opinion, of course. ;)