An Open Letter to Johnny Depp

Dear Johnny Depp,

Has it really come to this?

An article in Tuesday's Hollywood Reporter talked about the fact that, while you've got Public Enemies in theaters and Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland in the can (along with The Rum Diaries and The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus), none of your other prospective projects was coming together.

Then it started listing them -- and the first title on the list was a remake of The Incredible Mr. Limpet, a 1964 movie in which Don Knotts played a man who was transformed into a talking fish.

And a new Lone Ranger film -- in which you would play Tonto. And a remake of the vampire soap opera Dark Shadows. And Pirates of the Caribbean 4.

I recognize that Hollywood ran out of original ideas years ago -- and that it's suffering some sort of massive brain bleed this summer with Transformers 2 and Land of the Lost.

But I always assumed that you, Johnny Depp, had a little more integrity -- and taste -- than this.

OK, Pirates 4 makes a certain financial sense, even though the series ran out of steam after the first one. An eight-figure paycheck -- and infinite residuals -- are hard to pass up.

But The Incredible Mr. Limpet? This was a movie that stank on ice when it was fresh.

Is this what you now aspire to? Remaking the Don Knotts oeuvre? What's next: teaming up with, oh, I don't know, Nicolas Cage to remake The Apple Dumpling Gang?

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Comments

[NoSillyName]

JD is great in everything he does. No criticism from me.

[oldschoololdsoul]

Oh, come off it. Depp is a chameleon. He's androgenous and somehow fits into any and every role. Even the bad ones. And leave Nick Cage out of this. For a guy who could have would up in a career playing endless lowlife black hat roles, he's done quite well for himself in the megabuck bad taste mainstream.

While the inteligence of the average moviegoer decides what crap gets green lit, fans who know better would rather have Cage do campy blockbusters than Sopranos stereotypes. Here in the era of dreck where GenXers can only remake the glorious past, it's the film age and not the movie actors who suck.

[lovsn12b]

I actually heard that Depp was considering doing Carol Channing's life story and Jake G. doing Cher's - this was reported on gay.com as true

[BeaglesRule]

I believe that Johnny Depp said in an interview that he wanted to play Carol Channing. And, apparently, Ms. Channing would be pleased if he would ~ I just read that yesterday.

But I don't think there's anything close to any kind of project planned.

Of course, LOL, nothing is out of the question when it comes to Hollywood studios...

[Tallulah Morehead - Huffpost Blogger]

Well the good news is that none of those projects are coming together. Hopefully they never will. Can anyone actually be considering a white man to play Tonto in the 21st Century? Hello? Another DARK SHADOWS? The last remake, with Ben Cross, was as lame as anything could be.

And as for remaking THE INCREDIBLE MR. LIMPET, well on the positive side, it HAS to be an improvement on the original. 8 reels of blank film would be an improvement. But I would not want to work with anyone who liked the original enough to want to revisit it.

But Marshall, THE APPLE DUMPLING GANG was actually an okay movie. Admittedly, a dear close friend of mine played a small role in it (playing the husband of Iris Adrian), and died before it came out, so I have a sentimental attachment to it, but Knotts teamed with Tim Conway actually worked fairly well. It's not a great movie, but it's a passing kid's comedy, and VASTLY better than THE GODAWFUL MR. LIMPET.

[TardisJockey]

...but....but...but I really liked Mr. Limpett!!! ...when I was 5! It was worlds better that the gawd-awful Ghost and Mr. Chicken.

[Steamboater]

Johnny likes to dress up so "Dali", an eccentric genius, should be a perfect role for him. As for Limpet, the film was limp the first time around and is a waste of time.

[liberalgirl31]

I agree wiht Mr. Fine. Enough with the crappy remakes. Depp is a talented, quirky actor who should be above doing shoddy, recycled material.

[kittay]

Depp can do no wrong...whatever he's in.. I'll be in watching. I think he's a master in all forays. Seems likes he's enjoying his career and choices. Don't like the his movie choices; don't go see 'em.

[MMB]

Frankly, the Dark Shadows. Barnabas Collins.....sounds right up his alley.

He is edgy when he wants to be, a great impersonator and damn hot !!!

[kmsbt]

While the Limpet thing sounds a bit weird, Depp may be just pulling a Coppola with some of the other projects. Remember FF losing all his dough on Apocalypse Now then recouping with The Black Stallion with the critics pissing and moaning? Personally I love watching Depp in anything and, given his history of non-commercial choices, I don't begrudge him a franchise or two especially given what he brought to Jack Sparrow. And especially if he's giving his departed friend Hunter Thompson another try in The Rum Diaries after Las Vegas wasn't a blockbuster. He's a great talent and frankly, how much weirder would a Limpet remake be than a Willy Wonka remake?

[sisterdebmac]

Great blog, Marshall! I could not agree more.

[Ray M]

Gay blog, Marshall! I could not disagree more.

[Dunbar]

I usually scream for more original ideas, but I think the Lone Ranger is a great idea, especially with Depp as Tonto. How much fun is that?

And hey, some of us liked all three Pirates films even if the story got ah...ah.. a bit convoluted....and to see Jack Sparrow once more sounds delish to me. I can't help it. All intellectualism goes out the window when Depp puts on that outfit.

And Dark Shadows! Whoa, I thought that sounded a bit fun, too.

Criticizing Hollywood for its lack of original ideas is admirable and I agree, but not exactly in the case of these ideas. Just my opinion, of course. ;)

[SamKnause]

I would like to see Mr. Depp play Tonto. Who are you Mr. Fine to criticize what role any actor takes? I am sure if Mr. Depp reads this article he will feel free to criticize you, and rightly so.

[aleyrer]

Heyyyyyyyyyyy.. I loved the Incredible Mr. Limpet!!!! Not sure I would want to see a remake of it though. The original will be impossible to one-up!

[niite]

LOL, I for one loved The Incredible Mr. Limpet, and make a point to watch it when it's on amc or something.

[Jazmo]

I loved Dark Shadows. Remake away. I'd much rather see Johnny Depp own up to the fact he's losing his hair and do something with that. He's rocking a hippy comb-over these days. Oh, and Transformers 1 was awful, thus I, a member of the movie-going public, did not go to see the second one. Johnny's choice in movies has always been different and outside the mainstream.