Day One
We arrived today in the new American paradise known as Notaxia - which, if you've been reading the liberal media, you'll know used to be the state of Rhode Island. Thankfully, the Tea Party was able to win control of the state house here - and immediately declared it a totally tax-free, regulation-free zone. We've rejected all federal money - and refuse to pay tithes to the despotic IRS. At last - we are in the land of the truly free!
Unfortunately, spent half our nest-egg on the first month's rent, since rent control is no longer allowed. A small price to pay for the sweet taste of liberty.
Day 10
Finally found a job at a smelting plant. Earn while you learn - and, really, molten metal only burns for a second or so, if you get the fire-retardant foam on it quickly enough. When I asked about protective safety equipment, the foreman growled, "That's OSHA talk, pal."
Day 33
Didn't get much sleep last night because I had to bone up to teach an English class at the high school. In addition to my new job at the smelting plant, I have to volunteer for a regular teaching rotation, since real teachers were paid in despised tax dollars. I'd never read The Fountainhead before, which is now part of the fourth-grade curriculum.
Day 64
Billy broke his leg when he fell off the roof at school. We took him to the local emergency room - but because I haven't qualified for the health plan at the smelting plant yet (something about Marilyn's breast implants being a preexisting condition), we had to pay cash. Thank goodness we hadn't spent all that money on taxes.
Day 80
Have almost mastered the new route to the smelting plant, after the bridge collapsed last week. The state is taking up a collection for a new one and, at the rate people have been donating, we should start construction in 2030. When we went to local corporate leaders for help, they said they'd be glad to bid on the contracts when we have the money in hand.
Day 92
Thank the Lord for the freedom to carry a gun in the land of true American liberty - Notaxia! Unfortunately, the burglar found it first last night and shot Marilyn right in the implant when she tried to clock him with a lamp. Just a flesh wound, thankfully. Such is the price of freedom.
Day 95
The sheriff's office called; they caught the guy who broke into the house. They said it would cost me $175 a day to keep him in jail, since I was the one who filed the complaint and no one else was going to pay to lock him up. Family conference time.
Day 118
No work today because of the blizzard - no snow plows for the roads since, you guessed it, those damn road crews were paid for by the people. What kind of trick bag did our government have us locked into?
Day124
We buried Grandma today - ourselves. Thank goodness there are no longer any regulations about home burial, here in the land of Notaxia. She died after drinking some homebrew (Hooray! No more liquor laws!) she got from our neighbor Ronnie. Grandma liked the flavor and said that it packed quite a kick (that would be the formaldehyde), just before she keeled over. But she loved her life here in Notaxia - and she died a free woman. Not to mention saving costs on embalming.
Day 156
After Grandma died, Gramps started acting strange, but since they outlawed Medicare here in Notaxia (that's keeping our hands off his health care!), we had to lure him across the state line into Massachusetts, to trick those folks into using their taxes to pay for keeping him. We hear he's doing fine.
Day 200
I didn't even know what "feral" meant before I got here - now my tax-free diet is drawn from the feral (formerly domestic) animals that roam the neighborhood. We tried to start an animal-control squad but after the first cases of rabies - when no one could afford the shots at the hospital - volunteerism kind of fell off. Cat - it's what's for dinner.
The great Notaxia social experiment continues. And we've even decided on a new state motto: "Live Free and Die." Suck on that, New Hampshire.