My Mother's Legacy

A little more than a year ago, my mother, Martha Kostyra, or Big Martha, as my family called her, passed away. She was 93 years old and lived a robust and active life almost until the end. She read The New York Times everyday and enjoyed cooking and traveling. And since she was the only one among her many friends who still had a driver's license, she shuttled them all around town to their various appointments. Soccer moms in the SUVs had nothing on Big Martha in her Volvo!

It is impossible to overstate the impact of the loss of a beloved family member. But as great as the loss was, the impact of my mother's life was even greater. Over the years, I learned so much from mom. She taught me about the importance of home and history and family and tradition. She also taught me that aging need not mean narrowing the scope of your activities and interests or a diminution of the great pleasures to be had in the everyday. In fact, the very opposite was true for her!

Throughout her long and productive life, my mother inspired me in countless ways. But her example of healthy aging is perhaps her greatest legacy. It was also the inspiration for the creation of The Martha Stewart Center for Living at Mt. Sinai Hospital in New York City.

The Center, which is dedicated to my mother, opened its doors a year ago and has already established itself as the premiere facility for the coordinated, comprehensive, out-patient care of older adults leading more robust and vital lives. It is not about aging. It is about living -- living gracefully and healthfully with energy and enthusiasm even as we grow older.

I could tell you all about our medical staff, which includes 20 geriatricians, as well as cardiologists, nephrologists, endocrinologists, nutritionists, psychiatrists, gynecologists, and pain specialists. I could also tell you that every patient is assigned to a clinical social worker to help them and their families with the many social and financial issues that accompany aging. That's not to overlook the weekly wellness lectures and yoga, tai chi and meditation classes, or the fact that every Mount Sinai medical student rotates through the Center for Living so that they graduate having had some exposure to managing the care of this special patient population.

But I think what one of our patients had to say during a recent visit is perhaps more illuminating. He was a new patient -- a newly retired internist who came to the Center to see one of our geriatricians. She took an exhaustive medical history and completed a thorough physical. At the end, the patient told our doctor that in his 40 years of practicing medicine, he had never been through, much less given such a comprehensive exam. "Now," he said, "I understand the value of geriatric medicine."

Understanding the value of geriatric medicine is now more important than ever. Our population is rapidly aging and the older members of our society are living longer. Do you know that those of us who reach our 65th birthday are nearly twice as likely as our grandparents to celebrate our 90th birthday? Yet there is currently 1 geriatrician to every 8,500 baby boomers. That is clearly not enough. At the same time, the current economic situation is throwing into even sharper relief the inadequacies of our already troubled healthcare system. We have arrived at a crossroads at which we must reimagine how we care for the older members of our society and, as important, how we support those who care for them.

My siblings and I were fortunate that our mother remained in good health almost until she died. Not everyone is so lucky. As our society ages, many of us will find ourselves assuming caregiving responsibilities for older friends and family members -- or needing a caregiver ourselves. In fact, more than 75 percent of Americans receiving long-term care rely solely on family and friends to provide assistance. The majority of these caregivers are women, many of whom are also raising children. Often, these women are working outside the home as well.

Caregiving can be a rewarding experience, an opportunity to help a loved one in ways great and small. But it can also exact a physical, emotional and financial toll. Caring for an aging parent or loved one can be another full-time job. In fact, 43 percent of baby boomers have taken time off from work and 17 percent have reduced hours to help care for an aging parent. They do this at a time when their expenses are rising. One recent study found that half of those caring for a family member or friend 50 years or older are spending, on average, more than 10 percent of their annual income on caregiving expenses. Many dip into savings and cut back on their own health care spending to cover the bill. Is it any wonder that family caregivers are at increased risk of developing depression, anxiety, insomnia and chronic illnesses?

We need to find new ways to support caregivers at the same time that we do our best to help the older members of our society continue to live robust and vital lives as they age. We owe it to those who cared for us when we were young. We owe it to future generations who will help care for us when we are old. And we owe it to ourselves so we can continue to live healthy and productive lives for many, many years.

I hope that everyone who, like me, intends to live a very long and productive life or who faces the challenges of caring for a loved one will join me in helping to raise awareness of these important issues.

Comments

[IDIOTA]

Ms. Stewart,

I just found out that you are the same age as my mother, and you both look great. People are always surprised to find out my mother's age, guessing that she is many years younger. Maybe 60 IS the new 50, etc.

[SaraKay Smullens - Huffpost Blogger]

What a beautiful tribute, a living legacy in your mother's name that meets such an urgent and important need. I have always wanted to tell you that the first person I saw who used real flowers to decorate a cake was my exquisite mother. She always chose daisies. You were the second. How I wish she had been here to see your artistry.

[midwesthousewife]

Hi, Martha--I am sorry to hear of your mother's death. I especially enjoyed watching the segments on your old show with your mother or niece or other family members. It was endearing to watch your very respectful, filial attitude towards your mother. My attitude towards my mother was similar, but I lost mine when I was 27, and have wished I could have continued sharing my life with her all these years. I am betting it is no easier when the loss comes at the more expected time. No time is a good time to lose one's mother. Thank you for the work you are doing. It is important and needed.

[Clavis]

My generation (I'm 38) is going to live into its 90s. Younger generations will regularly pass 100. We have to do something. Our society cannot sustain itself when entire generations are sitting around in nursing homes, pooping themselves, forgetting their names and loved by nobody.

[Cherlesq]

Thank you very much for this post. Any help for a caregiver who is dealing with adiction to xanax and pain killers in an elderly woman?

[Troubled1]

Thank you for this post...it is such an important topic that all of us need to consider. My parents, both in their 60s, recently brought my grandmother to live with them, as she is now 100 years old. She is spunky and healthly and has lived alone in an apartment until last year when she began experiencing sporatic episodes of panic-like attacks. She has recurrent pains that none of our local doctors seem to understand, nor do they seem to care. It is as though most in the medical field "write-off" these elderly patients, and we have heard "What do you expect for 100 years old?" from too many doctors rather than a whole-hearted effort to find the causes and treatments of her symptoms. She often asks my mother to make a doctor appointment for her, and it is frustrating knowing that physician after physician really isn't interested in helping her, and bringing her in for care is becoming a waste of time and money when the doctors simply write everything off to "her age."

I applaud your efforts to bring real, thorough care to our elderly sector of society who are still living productive, meaningful lives, yet, in general, tend to be disrespected and written-off because of their age by our healthcare providers. Thank you for shining a light on this issue, and giving those who cared for us the respect, dignity and care that they deserve in their golden years!

[jcgrim]

What a touching and practical project to remember your mother. We need more projects of this kind all over the country for people of advancing age.

I would love to see a program similar to this in TN for my 85 year old mother. My father & her husband of 56 years died last month at age 86 after a 3 year long struggle with cancer. Just 3 months ago he was still tending his vegetable garden and cutting the grass. His determination to live in spite of his pain and weakness was an inspiration to us. He was unique in his ability to garner internal strength. My mother's dependence on him was one source of her strength but she will need new types of support now that he is gone.

[IDIOTA]

I am impressed, but not surprised, by your lucid writing style. I kept reading, looking for flaws, but I found nothing that was obviously wrong. That said, I did not know that your mother passed away, and I am sorry for your loss. I have seen footage of you and your mother cooking, and she was definitely in charge, it seemed. Lidia's mom seems like your mom, polite, but her own person, happy with her daughter's success and aging well.

My grandfather is 97. He lost his wife 30 years ago next month. Thirty years is a generation, and for a whole generation, he has been alone. I am amazed at his longevity. He still has a driver's license, and he is looking for a new job, but sometimes I wonder if he is lonely. Most of his contemporaries are dead. I guess it is a combination of humor and stubbornness that has kept him going.

[swoosie1]

I always feel that we don't do enough to respect and preserve the health matters of our older generation. They have become disposable and we need to change this. Thanks Martha Steward for helping to expose the need for our geriatric needs. There are 75 million of us boomers who should be looking at the need for quality health care as we age as a society!

[BonnieJW]

Martha, I did not know your mother had died; I'm so sorry for your loss. I loved her frequent appearances on your show and admired her down-to-earth manner. It didn't seem to faze her in the least that she was on national television. She was just baking cookies with her daughter and that was that. My mother is 92 and still lives a full and independent life. We all want to be her when we grow up.

[Aabby]

Thank you , Martha.

[glorialovelace]

My mother also died at Norwalk Hospital -- which is a very good, medium-sized hospital -- and I noticed there is a plaque in the lobby there that lists Martha Stewart as a trustee. I think it's great that Martha supports local hospitals -- not just the big ones like Mount Sinai, but the smaller ones such as Norwalk and Northern Westchester.

[oncethere]

Definately an important issue. I get tired of doctors saying, "Well, you know she's 84 years old and there's not much we can do." They don't know how long my mother is going to live, so they are bound to treat her with all due diligence.

We have a growing number of disabled and elderly Americans---and their caregivers--- who need support and assistance. We have just wasted 8 years of our national life on wars, Republican ideology which celebrates selfishness and greed and, now, on bailing out huge companies. Living well and long is going to get harder to do because of the economic recession, but I'm hopeful that, with Obama, things will begin to get better.

[glorialovelace]

I think that people are far too hasty in signing those "do not treat or resuscitate" documents. When my mother was 89, she went into an in explicable coma and the folks at the hospital said she'd be dead within the hour and I needed to sign these papers. I refused to sign, and two weeks later, Mom walked out of there wearing full makeup. She lived for several years after that, got to go to a couple of family weddings, etc. People are too quick to write off the lives of the elderly.

[CalliDem]

Thanks so much for this lovely tribute and all the hard work you are doing Martha. You have always had the courage to stand up when all the big boys were trying to take you down and you have my respect. Keep up the wonderrful work.

[emmapeeldallas]

"But as great as the loss was, the impact of my mother's life was even greater." What a loving tribute to your mother, and thank you for writing about this important issue.