Royal Family Going Down...
OK - the story so far.
Two British socialites who have hung out at London nightclubs with Prince William and Prince Harry are in prison without bail -- after legal proceedings held in total secrecy (without any public record) -- accused them of trying to blackmail a member of the British Royal Family. Could be male or female. With veddy Blue Blood. Let's just call him a "Blue-ish Princess".
(Scandal website Radar
is claiming that the Royal in question - or in drag - is the Queen's raffish nephew Viscount Linley. Son of the Queen's deceased party-gal sister Princess Margaret and her bi-coastal ex-husband Lord Snowden. Linley trained as a carpenter -- insert your own woodie jokes here -- and is supposedly a chip off both of the old blocks.)
Apparently the alleged blackmailers had a video tape of an aide to the Royal chopping up cocaine with a Harrods charge card and snorting it together with the boss. And then -- for afters -- the member of the British royal family apparently gives oral sex to his servant.
Talk about perks ...
Perhaps the Royal "Princess" was a fan of the 1963 Dirk Bogarde film The Servant -- or living out one of Sting's catchier couplets "I will turn your face to alabaster/ When you find your servant is your master" ("Wrapped Around Your Finger" - The Police 1983).
Given that most members of the British Royal family are as thick as two short planks and the family has the collective IQ and cultural awareness of a three-year-old immature cucumber -- I suspect that the Royal in question just likes a bit of "rough." And there's nothing quite so egalitarian as serving the help.
(Alas the sex act itself isn't on tape. Just the aide bragging about being "serviced" by his master.)
The British press would like to tell you the name of the Royal but the court has issued a (wait for it) "Gagging Order!"
Quite.
It is in times like this that we satirists feel a sense of despair.
How can we possibly come up with lines (with or without a Harrods charge card) as funny as the reality of the British Royal family disgracing itself?
They make the Osbournes, Lohans, Hiltons and Spears/K-Fed families look like models of probity.
Suffice to say that -- just as the Royals were starting to make a comeback after the dreadful shenanigans of the past few years -- yet again a member of the Royal family has blown it ...
Follow Martin Lewis on Twitter: www.twitter.com/TheMartinLewis
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I swear you have written this post just to wake me up!
Current rumour is that the "royal" in question might be further removed than that.
As you pointed out the proceedings were held in camera - no public access. This is of course not unusual in these sorts of cases and has nothing to do with the fact that the intended was a very minor royal (of which there are rather a lot)
I am not sure where you got the idea that the Royals are a thick bunch (as thick as two short bloggers, perhaps?), but anyone that has done work for Save The Children Fund knows that the Princess Royal is as sharp as a silver carving knife.
Contrary wise, anyone that has ever worked with any of the offspring of the late Harold Levy (Don Arden - Sharon Os late papa) would cut off their right leg to work with the Royals instead.
I am reminded of Prince Charles at cloisters saying "I don't like that man" about the BBCs royal correspondent. The press had so much fun about Charles not knowing that the microphones could pick up what he was saying.
Are they really so sure he didn't know?
The modern, press aware face of the Royals was very much the invention of the greek - the Duke of Edinburgh. It only started going wrong a few years ago when he decided to step away from the job and leave it to the same idiots that were advising the "accident waiting to happen", Diana.
Generally, the Royals, especially the senior one that certain US citizens have desperately tried to emulate, are a bright bunch - the people behind their modern media machine, however, should be shot.
Talk soon!
Joss
Martin be careful I read where British libel law and the Internet were somewhat muddled.
Tally Ho!
Thankfully in Great Britain and NI we have a lively tradition of insulting people - even our own flag, without getting shot/elect
Our Royal family are quite capable of telling people to go and, erm, "get lost" without resorting to lawyers. Especially Prince Philip. Kind of made an art of it over the years.
People who have met our Queen, even in a celebrity line up report that when she looks you in the eye you know that she has heard and understood everything you ever said about her. And she will smile and nod and leave you feeling completely crushed with guilt.
And we have our own methods of dealing with any that tread on the thin line of treachery.
Coming home any time soon Martin? :-)
Joss
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