OK - the story so far.
Two British socialites who have hung out at London nightclubs with Prince William and Prince Harry are in prison without bail -- after legal proceedings held in total secrecy (without any public record) -- accused them of trying to blackmail a member of the British Royal Family. Could be male or female. With veddy Blue Blood. Let's just call him a "Blue-ish Princess".
(Scandal website Radaris claiming that the Royal in question - or in drag - is the Queen's raffish nephew Viscount Linley. Son of the Queen's deceased party-gal sister Princess Margaret and her bi-coastal ex-husband Lord Snowden. Linley trained as a carpenter -- insert your own woodie jokes here -- and is supposedly a chip off both of the old blocks.)
Apparently the alleged blackmailers had a video tape of an aide to the Royal chopping up cocaine with a Harrods charge card and snorting it together with the boss. And then -- for afters -- the member of the British royal family apparently gives oral sex to his servant.
Talk about perks ...
Perhaps the Royal "Princess" was a fan of the 1963 Dirk Bogarde film The Servant -- or living out one of Sting's catchier couplets "I will turn your face to alabaster/ When you find your servant is your master" ("Wrapped Around Your Finger" - The Police 1983).
Given that most members of the British Royal family are as thick as two short planks and the family has the collective IQ and cultural awareness of a three-year-old immature cucumber -- I suspect that the Royal in question just likes a bit of "rough." And there's nothing quite so egalitarian as serving the help.
(Alas the sex act itself isn't on tape. Just the aide bragging about being "serviced" by his master.)
The British press would like to tell you the name of the Royal but the court has issued a (wait for it) "Gagging Order!"
Quite.
It is in times like this that we satirists feel a sense of despair.
How can we possibly come up with lines (with or without a Harrods charge card) as funny as the reality of the British Royal family disgracing itself?
They make the Osbournes, Lohans, Hiltons and Spears/K-Fed families look like models of probity.
Suffice to say that -- just as the Royals were starting to make a comeback after the dreadful shenanigans of the past few years -- yet again a member of the Royal family has blown it ...