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Martin Marks

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Downton Abbey Problems

Posted: 01/13/12 11:28 AM ET

A series of tweets based upon the trials and tribulations of life at Downton Abbey.


Isn't it wonderful how we're friends! Save that you're the friend who fetches tea, empties my chamber pot & bathes me. #DowntonAbbeyProblems

First cousins make for excellent bedfellows! (So long as there's a sizable country estate in play.) #DowntonAbbeyProblems

Please feel free to call us by our given names, the Right Honourable Robert & Cora, Earl & Countess of Grantham. #DowntonAbbeyProblems

Ain't no roses like the Dowager Countess's Roses. #Fact #DowntonAbbeyProblems

Much like our female relatives, icebergs can be most vexing and tiresome things, indeed. #Titanic #DowntonAbbeyProblems

First breakfast, full breakfast, luncheon, tea & dinner -- no wonder one's famished when the pudding course arrives! #DowntonAbbeyProblems

She's pushing on for 20, her last suitor drowned & the corset's not as roomy as it used to be, if you catch our drift. #DowntonAbbeyProblems

Have we figured out what causes gout, yet? Also, would anybody like more sweetened wine & sugar treacle tart? #DowntonAbbeyProblems

Our third cousin, once removed, is a solicitor from Manchester? He might as well be a bargeman from Coventry! #DowntonAbbeyProblems

Full mourning clothes are decidedly less cheerful than half mourning clothes. #DowntonAbbeyProblems

He's going to inherit the estate? Well, then... Third cousins make for excellent bedfellows! #DowntonAbbeyProblems


They forgot to ring the dressing gong & the scullery maid's doing that thing where she makes eye contact with us. #DowntonAbbeyProblems

There's nothing quite so tragic as a footman in disheveled livery. Possible exception: Trench warfare. (Maybe.) #DowntonAbbeyProblems

'Going down to the fair'. That must be code for something. #DowntonAbbeyProblems

Two telephones in one house? But what will become of the Under-Butler of Notes Containing Important Plot Developments? #DowntonAbbeyProblems

There's something slightly queer about one of the footmen. Slightly queer, indeed... #DowntonAbbeyProblems

These newspapers don't iron themselves, you know. #DowntonAbbeyProblems


Everybody's working for the... What is it called again? Those two days that fall at the end of the week? #DowntonAbbeyProblems

It appears that the diplomatic attaché to the Ottoman Empire has snuck into one's bedroom in the dead of night! #DowntonAbbeyProblems

You must know what we're talking about... Saturday and Sunday, grouped as a unit? #DowntonAbbeyProblems

Oh, yes! Yes! YES! Oh, bother. #DeadOttoman #DowntonAbbeyProblems

Those two days at the end of the week when the workers tend not to work? #DowntonAbbeyProblems

Siri, where might one hide the body of, say, the diplomatic attaché to the Ottoman Empire? #DowntonAbbeyProblems

Right! That's it! The 'week-end'! #DowntonAbbeyProblems

I slept with the diplomatic attaché to the Ottoman Empire, he dies, yada yada yada, World War I. #DowntonAbbeyProblems

What will they think of next? #WeekEnds #DowntonAbbeyProblems

The Dowager Countess isn't going to take this well. And by 'this', we mean 'everything'. #DowntonAbbeyProblems


Has anybody noticed that Europe declares war every time we throw a garden party? #DowntonAbbeyProblems

How romantic! A series of extended walking tours through damp, poorly-lit Gothic cathedrals! #DowntonAbbeyProblems

Just received a letter that our daughter is a woman of questionable repute, it being a day of the week & all. #DowntonAbbeyProblems

Is it just me, or does this mirror make you look like a dowager countess? #DowntonAbbeyProblems

All one ever hears is how great Lady Mary is at this or how wonderful Lady Mary did that! Mary, Mary, Mary! #BradyBunchProbl err... #DowntonAbbeyProblems

Foreigners (i.e., those born to the east of the Thames) aren't actual people. That's why they're called foreigners! #DowntonAbbeyProblems

Lady Sybil was in rather the rebellious mood at dinner. She used a fruit fork to shuck her escargot. #DowntonAbbeyProblems

I am disgraced, you are disgraced, we all are disgraced! #DowntonAbbeyProblems

With an empire this big, & our days mired in idle gossip & muted intrigue, what could possibly go wrong? #DowntonAbbeyProblems

Series three, a prolonged guest stay by a certain Cousin Pippa Middleton? I wonder what's on CBS... #DowntonAbbeyProblems

 

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