Bush to EPA: "Hi. Thanks for Writing. Between Now and January 20, I Won't Have Access to Email."

The Bush White House has come up with an ingenious new way to take care not to faithfully execute the laws of the land. In what it will no doubt bill as part of its relentless strict-constructionist pursuit of the original intent of the Framers, the White House has refused to open an email from its own EPA. The email, responding to a 2007 Supreme Court order requiring the government to determine whether greenhouse gases endangered people and the environment, hasn't been deleted; it's just ended up, as the New York Times story revealing its status explained, "in limbo." Enqueued, undeliverable, unreceived: surely everyone knows that the Constitution gives a war-time President the right to vacation-bounce?

Signing statements, stonewalling, and secret memos expanding Executive powers turn out to not comprise an adequate arsenal for dealing with unwanted communications in the age of the internets. Expect to see further innovations, such as these:

"And now, I'm never gonna let her go/Cause Mandy always knows": Dana Perino will take questions from the press wearing iPod buds in her ears and singing along with her favorite Jonas Brothers lyrics. Some may see this as a descendant of Scott McClellan's robotic unresponsiveness, but aficionados will recognize it as a digital-era update of Ronald Reagan's cupped-hand next to his ear and whaddayagonnado? shrug at Marine One's noisy rotor blades, which in turn descends from the thumbs-in-ears, waggling-fingers, "Nya, nya, nya, I can't hear you" technique which Pat Buchanan devised for Richard Nixon.

"Return to Sender, Address Unknown": For situations involving non-digital communications, this Executive Privilege stamp will be applied to FOIA requests for documents and to all congressional oversight witness subpoenas, as well as to contempt citations, which will be additionally stamped, "I'm rubber, you're glue."

"POS GTG": The default reply setting to incoming text-messages on mobile devices supplied to White House employees by the Republican National Committee. Senior staff message initiators will know that they can evade the filter by then texting "GFY," also known as a "Cheney."

The Helen-Thomas-to-Mike-Allen: This device, which seizes the soundwaves of undesired incoming press questions and transforms them into moronic lapdog blather, has long been rumored to be under development by the National Security Agency. Also known as the Cavuto Converter.

Follow Marty Kaplan on Twitter: www.twitter.com/martykaplan

Comments

[spriggig]

204 days left

[darthmaul]

Marty, add this to the Bush avoidance toolbox. "DAME" - Short for "Dog Ate My Email"

[paixa3]

It is nice to see you blog again Marty. You are a favourite.

[SeenItBefore]

I'm no fan of this administration, or it's Constitution sacking policies, but I have to ask: "when are there enough straws to break this camel's back"? When is enough enough? Reid, Pelosi and the rest of the do nothings running the loyal opposition need to resign or be voted out of office. This is crazy. Like having a judge announce to the suspected murderer that there will be no retribution, in fact, even the specter of a trial, is "off the table". Then being surprised at the increase in the murder rate.

Re-elect NO incumbents. The message must be clear - -The American Public is taking back our country and will be watching all elected officials with a critical eye.

And don't be to sure a President Obama, when presented with the awesome powers now residing in the Executive Office, will be all that eager to declare them null and void.

[Toonadude]

"President" Bush

3 year old kid

hands over ears

I can't hear you, I can't hear you. I can't hear you.

[wrabbitt]

We the government, has replaced We the people Impeach, them all change the system so no one can do it again. Put pay raises up for a vote. Make politics a job, 51 weeks a year 5 days a week make the pay the Average American workers pay . Let them pay for their own Health care,Remove the retirement plans they have given themselves, Make them pay social security,Give them the prescription plan they voted for seniors.Don't anyone pay attention to whats been going on in Washington? When they make a promise they don't keep impeach them, lying even if your a lawyer is still lying.

[zann]

Sounds fair to me.

[nikto]

Hey, let's face it--The GOP has firmly and unquestionably established The Imperial Presidency.

That means the President is above the law.
Period.

!st order of business, when OBAMA gets in, he should issue an executive order calling for the immediate apprehension and summary executions of: Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, Rice, Gonzalez, and a dozen or so others fromthis, the most heinous administation in U.S. History.

Afterwards, Obama, with the help of Congress, can relinquish the Powers
for the position of Chief Executive, once and for all.

They can scream all they want, but hey, the GOPers made it (executive power) this way--Let's take advantage of it, since it was THEY who laid it at our feat.

I think lethal injection would be sufficient.

No need for burning at the stake or anything.

See?
The GOP HAVE provided America with an answer!!

[indypete]

You exhibit a curiously sane insanity!

[research]

Who cares? Impeachment is off the table, BushCo can start world war Iran if they want and you can't do a thing about it.

[doofmann02]

This is the Gov. Bush administrations basic M.O. from the very beginning, not even pretending that they care about it's citizens or the rest of the world.

Here is another jewel, which highlights their head-up-the-*ss approach:

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/25/washington/25epa.html?_r=1&adxnnl=1&adxnnlx=1214391683-iLegNxttBO7TSwTHAoyVuQ&oref=slogin

[ibsteve2u]

And so the Presidency of the United States continues its transition from the most powerful Office in the world to the clubhouse of a street gang....

Man - you'd have that the simple desire to be viewed as being mature, responsible adults would have stopped the White House from pulling half of this juvenile crap.

[dagnome27]

Sad but true, RobBob - and the joke has been on US for over 7 years...
Time to stop laughing and take America back

[thebassguy]

It is criminal what the Bushies have done to the EPA - basically letting Insecticide industry make the rules we live (or die) by. Just read Michael Schackers new book "A Spring Without Bees" !

- thebassguy.com

[demfriend]

I seriously doubt bush has much going for him as far as the working of a computer and he probably has severely limited email skills to begin with and for him to ignore emails is bush as he is.....

[Fentwin]

Perhaps I'll use this outstanding tactic when my tax papers show up next year....ri­iiiiiiight­.

[MysticInd]

Does anyone know if Obama once president can do a executive directive to null and void all Bush's directives?

[klosskid]

yes he can

[mantysDOTus]

Yes! I'm sure President Barack Obama will issue his own executive directives countermanding the self-serving anti-democratic directives issued by Junior George. The executive order treaties between countries and the crony contracts between the US Government and other countries and corporations will carry more legal inertia tying the hands of future administrations. "Dicktraitor" Cheney actually called Iraq a "piece of business" referring to the blood for oil contract between the big 5 oil companies and the Iraq government. Strange...­practicall­y from the beginning of the Iraq war, the entire world understood that the US invaded Iraq for oil. We were the last ones to know!

Fine Obama Artwear: http://www.ArtwearActivist.com

[Mogamboguru]

Err - YES, HE CAN!

Sorry, I couldn't resist. But it's true, nonetheless: President signs and president can undo executive directives with the strike of his pen.

(One tip to then-president O b a m a : Put up the respective pen for sale on Ebay, after you signed off all of GWB's executive directives. After seven days, you will be able to repay the national debt with the money you'll fetch for that pen...)

[MysticInd]

Love the recoupe of mula! I stil say we should sue the lot in open court!After they are impeached for Crimes against Humanity and America also.

Thanks to everyone that responded.

But each day I see some of the old slime moving along trying to fix the next election for McBush. Today replacing the campaign managers with the old Bush stuff. McCain being in Columbia when the rescue was done...Luckily the Columbians are spelling out it was all done by them with equipment and sign off from the bone head in the WH with a delay. Wonder when McCain trip was scheduled.