Senator Craig I Am

This was emailed to me by a HuffPo commenter whose screen name is gabbyhayes; with his permission (but not Dr Seuss's) I'm posting it for your delectation.

Senator Craig I Am

I am not gay with a coked up page
I am not gay with the underaged
I am not gay when I tap your foot
I am not gay keep your big mouth shut
I am not gay in a bathroom stall
I am not gay, not gay at all

I am not gay with a wide, wide stance
I am not gay in my senator pants
I am not gay with a cat in a hat
Here's my card--what do you think of that?
I am not gay in a bathroom stall
I am not gay, not gay at all

I am not gay in an Idaho paper
I am not gay please hide my caper
I am not gay in my childless marriage
I am not gay in a baby carriage
I am not gay in a bathroom stall
I am not gay, not gay at all

I am not gay with an undercover dick
I am not gay--no, not a lick
I saw some paper on the floor
I picked it up--no, nothing more
I am not gay in a bathroom stall
I am not gay, not gay at all

Let me be clear, I am not vague
I dearly love my Mrs. Craig
I am not a sad old perv
My only desire is to serve
I am not gay in a bathroom stall
I am not gay, not gay at all

Comments

[MinerSam]

Since Mark Foley, by mere coicidence of cours, was outed into the public square precisely on the same day that confirmation came about Criminal Lobbyist Abromoff's extensive ties to the White House and Karl Rove...what dya think they could be hiding this week?

Around September 29 2006 the drumbeat become began to rour that after repeated denials, by Mr. Bush as to whether he knew Abromoff, which was repeately reiterated by Press secratary McLunllin, whenever asked..Voila there was long-term aleged child abuser on the front covers.

Although the number of visits by Abromoff to the White House eventuelly grew to 700-800,
at that time only 500 visits were known by the Republican Party's Largest fundraiser.

Ken Lay, of Enron, was Mr. Bush's largest contributor when he came to Washington. The Enron Plane was his campaign plane in 2000.

Ken Lay was a close friend of Bush senior and Barbara. Junior called him Kenny Boy.

The Moonies gave Junior his innauration party.

[outnow]

First some famous quotes:

"I'm not a crook." -Richard Nixon

"I'm not gay." -Larry Craig

"I didn't have sex with that women." -Bill Clinton

"We've never been 'stay the course.'" -George Bush

Is there any reason to ever believe anything a politician says? So much for credibility.

Turning to the "Family Values" issue of the GOP, I have decided that more of them are married because they have more money, in general, to make it more worth while to be married in the first place.

It is just as easy to marry a rich man. Probably it is more financially rewarding to stay married to one - even a guy like Larry. So there you have the reason for the entire Family Value - you earn it one way or the other.

But isn't the Bohemian lifestyle more honest? How about a gay President? Camelot is just a memory - that never was.

[Bernique]

It occurred to me today that the iron-clad Republican "party discipline" we have seen in recent years might have been bought by hiring or retaining Republicans with flaws or a past, who could be "co-erced" for fear of exposure. Larry Craig might be one such. Witness his outspoken opposition to "GAY" ('I'm NOT GAY') issues. Just for insurance.

[2Truthy]

Senate eat or toilet seat
I cannot decide;
I am not gay, oh no
no way.

[Qbear]

it's a KEEPER

Long after the perv is a COMMA (which is just a BENT period)in History.

[MelFamy]

the rumors aren't true
stop those lying words
when I said I like a cockatoo
I was referring to birds

I'm not Dr. Suess,
and neither are youse
If my rhyme scheme is bad,
then go blame my muse

[cynara]

hahahhah.... I love it. Now if gabbyhayes could just to another verse called "I'm not a hypocrite" it would nicely summ up the entire republican party...

[SamanthaJaneSalem]

Please don't make me feel sorry for Sen. Craig!

Here he is being forced to step down from his committee posts, getting trashed by Mitt Romney and other Republicans, his career is ruined, and yet touching a guy's foot in a public restroom is nothing compared to supporting a war in Iraq which has caused so many deaths and injuries.

It's kind of spooky what the White House considers "disappointing" and what really fires Republicans up. Not torture, illegal wars, spying, treason, and stunning incompetence following 9/11-- but bathroom sex.

Having sex in public restrooms sounds kind of gross to me, but I don't think it's the job of the cops to bust people through sting operations there. Apparently, some people are good at doing it so discreetly that nobody notices. If somebody does notice, and complains, maybe an arrest can be made. But as for it being filthy-- sure, I mocked Craig at first, but what's next? Will a mayor have to resign because of a rumor he likes watersports with his wife, and that's just too sick?

As for Craig cheating on his wife and emotionally hurting her and his kids-- well, unfortunately, these things happen in many marriages. If he was messing around with a hot young blonde, we'd probably say he's a jerk, sure, but only human. Once we start poking around (giggle) in politicians' personal lives, and judging them solely by that, we'll forget that their job is to serve the public. For instance, we might then forget what an effective president Bill Clinton was.

[andygaus]

Excellent comment. You seem to be the only person here who realizes what isn't your business.

[nippersdad]

The man MADE IT OUR BUSINESS. Never forget, people have died in this country because of just the kind of gay baiting homophobia the Republican Party routinely indulges in. When I hear about these things, I not only indulge in schadenfreude I also see a kid who was tortured to death tied to a fence.

[sarge]

I am not gay in the closet
Never made an anal deposit
I am not gay in a bathroom stall
I am not gay, not gay at all

...we could make a book of this...kinda like, "Naked came the Manatee" (no double entendre espress or implied)

[sarge]

"express" (I'm from Seattle...freudian slip)

[CynAnne]

... Ah, but we love slips from your unconscious mind, dear sarge - zey are, 'ow would you zay, zooo revealink of yourrr zubliminal toughts, ya..? ;) ...

[snaggster]

This is the best!

I just wish there was one just like it for Diaperboy Vitter. Can't wait for his turn to testify at the madam's trial.

[adled]

The sad irony here is that too many
Republicans still think a WORSE crime is to be openly gay.

[bigdaddyvike]

Dr. Seuss would be so proud!

[BeamMeUpScotty]

It seems quite evident Craig has deluded himself in to believing he is not Gay. One thing we can all agree on - he is a pervert who enjoys having sex with men in public restrooms, a hypocrit and a liar.

[2Truthy]

Masterful!

An Ode to Lavatory Lothario Larry "The Cruiser"
Craig goes like this:

Better to have just gone in for a piss...

http://tootruthy.blogspot.com

[Zyzzygowski]

A needed diversion from an otherwise boring day, it made me chuckle.

However, published reports state that Sen 'Wide Stance' does have children. The reports did not qualify whether they were from his loins or not. He even has grandchildren according to the same reports.

Besides, everyone be calm and wait for the VIDEO to come out. Remember it was a police sting operation and it did happen in an airport ... cameras everywhere.

[erikh]

Reports I read say that his kids were fathered by his wife's first husband.

[Klingon]

If I were one of the grandkids, by blood or affinity, reading this is enough to make me disown such a harlot. That should drive him nuts (no pun necessary) cause in the end, family is all that matters. Then I'd wish he shoots himself!

[Economike]

Senator wide stance and Senator poopy pants

[gcee]

Now THAT is funny, ROFLMAO!!!!