White House Staff Braces for the Return of the Clintons

The White House staff has quietly begun preparations to welcome Bill and Hillary Clinton back home now that Secretary Hillary Clinton appears well on her way to victory against insurgent Bernie Sanders.

"We've loved the Obamas, just as we've missed the Clintons," said Bernadette McMillan, chief White House domestic, "We didn't even mind that Mr. Clinton would get randy with each of us from time to time." McMillan expects things to fall into place with the new old occupants. "The Republicans have already started serving subpoenas. We just tell them, 'Get in line.''

"Mr. Clinton is already picking out a new China pattern," said McMillan. "It'll be hard not calling him the First Lady," she grinned. The staff has requisitioned the Clintons' favorite artwork from the National Gallery: ten prized Elvii on black velvet, including Bill's favorite, "Elvis Plays the Sax."

"One big change is that Mrs. Clinton's private email server is being installed in the Benjamin Henry Harrison bathroom. Nobody used the room much anyway, just Mr. Clinton when he'd take his nightly Cialis. Oh, and we're installing two tubs, like in the commercials."

Asked if they were making plans in the event Donald Trump won the Presidency, White House Operations Manager Sheila Thompkins said, "Heavens, yes! Mr. Trump has his architects working on the replacement building they're calling The Trump House bnb. Mr Trump says it'll be a profit center!"

McMillan is wistful about the prospect, "Mr. Trump, he's a nice man, but he sees the White House the same way he sees Obamacare: as a teardown."