My fellow Americans,
Now that my good friend and bitter opponent Jon Huntsman has withdrawn from the presidential race, I thought it might behoove me to elaborate a bit on what voters can expect from the Quasniki campaign in the coming months, and I will answer that question forthwith.
In the short term, I have no plans to suspend my campaign. However, many supporters have been asking me about my larger plan for America. Well, listen up. Barack Obama had a plan for America, didn't he? In fact, pretty much every politician who's ever been elected has had a plan for a America. And where's America now? That's right, it's in the dumpster. What's the common denominator? Planning. It doesn't work and we simply can't afford to continue down this path. When you vote for Marvin E. Quasniki, you can feel good about supporting a candidate with no plan whatsoever.
I believe that entering the race late gives me an advantage over my esteemed co-candidates and worthless enemies. My delayed candidacy means there's less time for me to be investigated by the lame-stream media (as I have heard it called... good one!). Just think, if Herman Cain had waited to jump into the race, who knows how far he could have gone before all that stuff about his butt-touching came out? My hope is that I will be president before folks have time to learn anything bad about me, and then it will be too late for you to do anything about it. Not that you would want to, because I am going to be a great president.
Please join my Facebook page and follow me on Twitter, and feel free to contact me directly with your questions and concerns. I will be responding to your questions in a series of video fireside chats, as soon as I get some good questions and find a suitable fire beside which I can sit. You can also get all my campaign updates by subscribing to www.youtube.com/nerdist. Thank you for your support, and please enjoy this video diary from the campaign trail.
Yours in executive power,
Marvin E. Quasniki