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Mary Gorham Malia Headshot

Where to Find Lesbians?

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It's that time of year when single lesbians converge on Ptown. Why now? It's "Lesbian Time," and it's your chance to find the lesbians.

Why is this important to you? Because "lesbians are hard to find" has become a complaint I hear from one side of the country to the other. I both agree and disagree.

As a subset of the American population, yes, we are a small N number, and we are hard to find. We also prefer to travel in small packs that I like to call "gaggles." We prefer our own little tribe where, like on the old TV show Cheers!, everybody knows your name, your history, why you aren't talking to so-and-so, how long you've been with your partner or how long you've been looking, whether you're happy, and whether you're in love with another gaggle member but not talking about it, or crushing on someone you don't dare approach in some other gaggle in the local area.

Did that just get complicated? Yes, I thought so too. But it's like that, isn't it?

Lesbians have that female DNA that gets us caught up in the details of life, relationships, and happenings and creating rules so that everyone stays safe and strangers can't invade the tribe.

It's hell for single lesbians who don't have a pack of their own. It's hell for women who want to date but are intimidated by gaggles' unspoken boundary rules. You know these rules, right? Don't talk to lesbians outside the gaggle. Don't invite them to our events. Don't trust them. Don't let outsider lesbians know what we are doing. Things like that.

Yes, it sounds like, and sometimes feels like, a bunch of middle-school girls picking on each other, and unfortunately it can degenerate to that at times. But there are women who hold themselves to a higher standard and realize that the gaggle can also be the most suffocating of places to hang out. Those are women who aren't afraid to step out of their comfort zone to find a relationship.

So What Is It About Lesbians?

Men hunt and women nest, and nowhere is that more obvious than in the LGBT world. At a recent LGBT marketing conference put on by Pink Banana Media in New York City, this one point was repeated a number of times: Lesbians are hard to find.

Finally I had confirmation that I'm not nuts. It is true, and I'm going to tell every lesbian I know about it so that she stops feeling like she's nuts too.

Why is this so important? Because finally your long-term singleness can make sense. Finally your conviction that it's hard to find someone to date and fall in love with makes sense, because we lesbians are hard to find. Finally you have data that say, "Yes, you need to search far and wide." Online dating is one way, and lesbian events are another. And this is the only event of its kind for single lesbian women!

That doesn't mean you should give up on the hunt for love. It means you need to start being even more focused on how you spend your time and money when it comes to love. Show up where the women are showing up.

Ptown Single Women's Weekend is one place where single lesbians are showing up. Why aren't you coming?

It's a great weekend, full of scheduled events and ice breakers at a beautiful location on the seashore that can't be beaten, with hundreds of single women. Yes, there's a lot of action around the bar scene, with lots of dances in bars, but I've done this event, and many women never touch a drop of alcohol and still have a great time, in case you're wondering about that.

There's lots of comedy from top lesbian comedians, a tour of the dunes (I'm doing it this year!) and so much more.

There are boat rides, bikes to rent, miles of the most pristine beaches in the world, great food, women from all over the world, and fun in a safe lesbian environment.

I'd encourage any woman who hasn't done it yet to get her tickets now and make a plan to be there. I'll be there making a safe space for women too. There's a dating workshop being offered, and a really fun workshop on body language and flirting! It so much fun, because you leave feeling like you have a clue when it comes to flirting, finally!

It's time for you to show up at Ptown. It's time for you to stop getting stuck in what your gaggle is doing and live your life! Come to Ptown Single Women's Weekend. It's safe, fun and about you. You won't regret a minute of it.

So come on!