I am disgusted. I can't stand to hear about yet another state trying to pass a bill to take away my son's rights. States have tried, but eventually have listened, to the pleas and taken them to heart. North Carolina in lightning speed took us all back to the times of segregation. In one single day North Carolina Lawmakers passed a bill striking all existing LGBT-inclusive nondiscrimination ordinances across the state. Governor McCrory signed this horrific bill that same night. He stated "I signed bipartisan legislation to stop the breach of basic privacy and etiquette, ensure privacy in bathrooms and locker rooms." By doing so Governor McCrory is attacking my son and transgender people everywhere by adding to the unfounded fear that my 17-year-old son is a sexual predator as is all transgender people. I could attack this bigoted and clearly misguided Governor. I could point out that this fear based bill is based on a lie. I could yell and scream and spew insults but I realize that is futile. Instead of responding to a hateful person such as Governor McCrory who is clearly abusing his position of power to bully transgender people I will turn to a position of love and understanding. As Martin Luther King Jr. said: "Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."
Instead, I choose to appeal to the conservative Christians out there who I believe support these types of bigoted bills out of fear. I believe they have truly good hearts and clearly just do not understand what transgender people face. They do not understand the bullying they face. They do not understand that transgender people face a 41% suicide rate. They do not understand that transgender people are killed every day simply because of who they are. They do not understand the shear courage it takes for them to get up every day and try to just be themselves. I truly believe if they did they would join among the ranks of the heroes such as: Rob Reiner, North Carolina's Attorney General Roy Cooper, New York's Governor Cuomo, Google, Apple, Facebook, The NBA, The ACLU and The Whitehouse in denouncing North Carolina's Anti- LGBT law. I would like to appeal to the heart of all of these conservative Christians. I believe you cannot discriminate against someone whose story you know. So, in order to stand up for my son I must try to appeal to at least one: Candace Cameron-Bure.
Dear Candace,
My sons favorite TV show by far growing up was; Full House. He watched every season over and over and over again. He said he loved the Tanner family values and watching them gave him a feeling of comfort. I must admit I didn't get it. Sure it was a cute TV show and I loved seeing Uncle Jessie's Elvis impression but overall the show didn't amuse me.
Later, when at age 12 my son had fallen into a deep depression, I developed a deep gratitude for Full House. He was despondent. He was suicidal. You see, Candace, my son was like any other boy who loved your show, except that he was born a girl. He came out to me at age 12. He said that he was really a boy inside and couldn't force himself to be a girl anymore. He said if I had forced him to be a girl he would have killed himself. My choice, Candace, was between a live son and a dead daughter and I chose my brave son, Chris. Candace, I write to you because I heard your plea on The View on their March 28th episode. As you and the other co hosts eloquently and respectfully discussed North Carolina's Anti-LGBT law you asked for understanding. You said you "I don't understand transgender people, BUT I want to." I am hear from one loving mother to another to help you understand.
Candace, my son suffered from depression for years trying to fight his knowledge that he knew inside he was really a boy and not a girl. He held it in for years in fear that he wouldn't be accepted or bullied. I am grateful that through those tough years, your TV show helped comfort him, and I thank you for that. He finally got the courage to come out to me at age 12, and I am thankful that I listened to him and accepted him as my son. You see, as Christian values would teach you, parenting is about unconditional love, and I love my child for their heart and soul and not their gender.
My son faced bullying. He faced discrimination like this Anti-LGBT law since he wasn't allowed in the boy's room. He was dressing and passing as a boy, so obviously he wouldn't use the girl's room, and if he used the boy's room he faced getting disciplined by the school because he wasn't allowed. He was offered the nurse's bathroom, but the kids would pick on him and say "you are a boy so why are you forced to use another bathroom?" Why indeed. You see, for transgender people, using the bathroom they identify with is about acceptance and has nothing to do with genitalia or predatory behavior. My son said to his middle school principal "You call me 'he.' You say you accept me as a boy yet you won't allow me in the boy's room? You know I won't use the girl's room so you offer me the nurse's bathroom. So, do you really see me as a boy or an 'it'? That is discrimination and therefore I do not trust you."
My brave son was right. This is about discrimination. It's his right and everyone transgender person's right to use the bathroom they identify with. My son and I, with the help of the NYCLU, won his right to use the boy's room in high school. Candace, he has used the boy's room for four years with no incident. The fears people may have are unwarranted and can be cleared up with compassion and understanding.
My son's high school graduation picture 2016
Candace, when Fuller House came out my son was thrilled to watch it and to be comforted by his old familiar TV family again. I tried it, but again, I didn't get it. I asked him what he saw in it. He said simply, "Mom, you don't understand. You need to be a Full House fan to get it. It has the same jokes as Full House did and the same corny lines. It's that same comforting feeling I got as a kid to be part of this family." I finally got it. It brought my son back to place where in all of his inner turmoil he found peace with The Tanners and I understood. Candace, I now ask that you in turn understand and show my son and transgender people everywhere the acceptance that they so deserve.
With Love,
Mary
Mary J. Moss
Feisty single mom to a terrific 17-year-old boy who just happens to be transgender.
Email me at: transparentmary@gmail.com
Tweet me at @MsMaryMoss