Sometimes it seems like our adult children just can't win, at least when it comes to media coverage. Earlier in the month, the Wall Street Journal, in a series called Generation Jobless interviewed parents who lamented the $200-$300 monthly cost to support their adult children living at home. Later in the week, the New York Times criticized the boomerang kids, noting that "The Economy Also Feels the Pain" when college grads move home and don't spend money on setting up apartments. For expert testimony the Times cited the "paradox of thrift" postulated by John Maynard Keynes: "Saving is good for the individual, but en masse can hurt the economy by reducing demand."
Based on my experience and that of friends, I have to humbly take issue with these articles. The figure of $200-$300 is off: It's way too low! And, the Gen Y college grads I've encountered do more than their share to stimulate the economy, especially if parents are footing the bills. Let's call it the "paradox of spending": The less they earn, the more they spend.
Many middle-class millennials may be living be home but they still have certain essential needs: beauty upkeep, healthy diets, regular exercise, socializing, entertainment, travel, and tech support. (Before we criticize the kids for acting entitled, let's remember who raised them this way: Baby Boomer parents.)
What does it really cost to have a boomerang kid? Let's examine some of those necessities: Young women seemingly require weekly manicures and pedicures. If in the spirit of togetherness, your daughter joins you at the nail salon, who do you think is going to pay, and likely for the $40 "spa" pedicure, not the no-frills $20 treatment? Then there's the hair; she must hide those roots or keep the highlights shining with monthy trips to the hairdresser. Of course, she could go to the drugstore and buy a $10 do-it-yourself kit but do you really want that mess all over the bathroom? Food? These boomerang kids are probably the only young people in America not devouring Big Macs. They require organic produce, Greek yogurt, and chicken farmed cruelty-free. If your child is vegan, double the food bill. So far as exercise, while they may jog around the local park, what happens when the cold weather sets in? That requires a gym membership.
Now that they've graduated, the millennials miss their college friends terribly, especially during the traumatic first year when they're getting used to life without afternoon naps. That means gas money, a bus ticket or airfare for mini-reunions with former dorm mates (and to get them out of your sight for a few days). Of course, so far as entertainment, they expect all 900 cable channels, so forget cutting costs with basic cable. "Hey mom, what happened to ESPN 6?" You'll need up upgrade Netflix to two DVDs at a time as well as on-demand.
So far as travel do you really intend to head South over the holidays without an entourage of adult children? A friend from the gym mentioned her husband had been looking forward to time alone on their holiday vacation, now that their empty nest was full again. He was aghast to learn his wife booked passage on their cruise for two adult daughters "What was I going to do?" the mom said with a shrug. "Leave them home?"
Let's not even talk about the iPhone. The only way to get rid of it is to surgically remove it from their hand, not an option, so that monthly tab keeps coming in. Of course, in house, high-speed Internet and wireless go without saying.
With a little luck, the economy will revive and our adult children will land good jobs and move out. But as any parent who has ever helped set up a first apartment knows too well that does not bring any financial relief. Remember the "stuff" bought for the off-campus housing that you assumed could be recycled. Forget it. A young professional apartment needs to be sleek and sophisticated, reflecting their new station in life, and filled with nice stuff like a good couch, coordinated bedding, and designer pots and pans (although they will never be used; no one under 30 cooks at home). Start hoarding those Bed, Bath and Beyond discount coupons now. You're going to need them.
Follow Mary Quigley on Twitter: www.twitter.com/mmwquigley
I'm 23, moved out of my parents' home over a year ago, and now rent a house with five other roommates. We save money on rent and utilities, and can even pay for wifi and cable (which we watch on an old, hand-me-down TV) since we split the bills 6 ways. We exercise, throughout the year, even in the Northeast, in old-fashioned ways: running outside (just bundle up when the weather's cold), playing sports with friends, doing Zumba at home with a video, etc. We cook most of our own food at home (using dishes that are primarily hand-me-downs or yard sale purchases), and I clip coupons and shop the grocery store sales just like my mother does.
I get my hair cut just twice a year, primarily shop for clothing at consignment shops, and have never been to a nail salon or worn makeup. I use a prepaid cell phone, and chat with loved ones for free on Skype. When I travel to visit family or friends, I take the bus - and always pay for my own fare. I have paid all of my own bills and expenses ever since moving out of my parents' home.
Maybe my roommates (all of whom have been paying their own bills for years) and I are unusual, but this article diverged so widely from my experience that I genuinely hope that Ms. Quigley is being sarcastic.
In addition, I work around the house - the cleaning, help with laundry, feed our pets, make dinner every night, do the weekly grocery shopping, do dishes, and generally help whenever I am needed.
Pretty much the author could not have been more wrong! If there are parents out there that do all that for their kids, they brought it on themselves and need to tell their kids to start working minimum wage if they want all those extras!
Honestly... the author of this article doesn't seem to have spent a lot of time with "Middle class millennials"
As for my younger brother, he still lives there but at 27 has applied for an appartment. Anything extra he has wanted like a smartphone, he has had to pay for. He was unemployed for a very long time (works now) but during that time he still didn't ask them to pay for anything unnecessary. He kept the requests to necessities like food and none of us like organic so it's the least expensive healthy you can get.
Those parents should set limits on what they are willing to pay for. Necessity like food: fine but if you only eat organic then you are buying. Spa treatments: I'll give you $50 for a haircut anything else is on you. Only reasonable requests should be met.
Keep in mind that most of these parents are excessively critical so while mom is paying for that spa treatment she is telling her daughter how disappointed she is about the daughter's (insert here) It's hard to be angry at a parent you would normally avoid if they are treating you so well.
I love my mother but she sure did and still does indulge my poor financial senses. (Currently saving to repair my bathroom and over the weekend decided she should just redo the entire thing and I can pay her later) Finally grown up enough to tell her no, I'd get it fixed when I saved up the money to do what I wanted.
I love that she spoils me but I have my own child and cannot pass this chaotic financial sense on to him.
My husband and I make good money and should be able to take care of myself and my family.