THE BLOG
05/04/2010 05:12 am ET Updated Nov 17, 2011

Love Yourself Blog -- Breakups Are Tradeups!

It's interesting how life works; we really do bring into our lives on an outer level what we are going through on an inner level. For many people 2009 was a tough year, not only financially, but also personally.

Many of my friends and mentoring clients all went through a huge shift in 2009 that started with money challenges (because of the recession) and ended up affecting much of the rest of their lives. As money gets short and fears materialize relationships are tested.

If you are like so many others 2009 was a year where you may have realized that one or some of the primary relationships you were in weren't healthy for you.

I think that part of the gift of the recession has been that we've purged many outer things (relationships, belongings, jobs and homes) and had a wonderful opportunity to get in touch with the non-physical part of us that has gone unseen for many years. Some call it the Soul, others Spirit, others your Higher Self, whatever you call it doesn't matter. What does matter is that getting in touch with this larger unseen part of yourself is essential to thrive.

As we let go in of so much in 2009, 2010 seems to be a year of reflection, reorientation and new opportunities we may have never thought possible.

Our relationships, more than almost anything, define and drive our lives and I think it's really important that we look at the hard times and the break ups with a positive outlook. There is melancholy with every loss, but there is also newness and opportunity to reinvent yourself.

As Rumi so poignantly says, "Don't grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form." What Rumi is reminding us of is that this world is abundant and we manifest relationships in our lives as conduits to grow, learn, love and learn more about ourselves.

Remember, a healthy relationship is supposed to make you happy at least most of the time. If you are reevaluating relationships in your life ask yourself which relationships don't serve your happiness. If you see that a certain relationship no longer serves your happiness it isn't selfish to break up with the person, it's vital. If you've done all you can for a long time now and it's' still not working, don't be afraid to pick yourself up and walk away.

Sometimes, part of loving yourself is learning how to set boundaries and that means having the courage to let go of what doesn't serve your happiness.

In going through my own break ups recently a mantra came to me that will be one of my mantras for the rest of my life (and has also been one of the most popular TDL tweets to date) and that's -- WHAT YOU PUT UP WITH, YOU END UP WITH!

What are you putting up with in your life? Not just with others, but with yourself? Are you making choices that are really making YOU happy? Esther Hicks says that the best gift you can give someone else is your own happiness.

We are in the third month of this New Year. I would encourage you to have the strength to choose to be in healthy relationships, ones that serve your happiness and growth. I would also encourage you to have the guts to be alone rather than put up with being in an unhealthy relationship.

As you are making room for new and healthy relationships in your life, do everything you can to cultivate your own happiness. Empty your cup of what isn't good for you and then fill it up with all the good stuff.

As you let go you will have less drama, less negative energy and more time to focus on you, your goals, your creativity and allowing in new and fun people/situations.

You can grow by learning from each relationship -- and this means that you are a new and different person with greater wisdom and insight than you were before.

If you can really learn and begin to apply what you've learned from your past break ups and cultivate a life of doing what you love you can turn your break up into an opportunity to trade up (for a better version of YOU and what you've let go of).

Try it, and see what happens!

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