Laws to Stop Marriage Equality Grow Increasingly Weird

03/16/2015 05:34 am ET | Updated Feb 02, 2016

Texas is pushing a proposed law that would let the state overrule the Supreme Court. There's just one problem: they can't actually do that. Alabama judges have decided that they don't have to obey federal courts either, except that in reality, they do. And Oklahoma politician wants to switch from marriage licenses to marriage certificates, which would accomplish ... not very much.

Let's start in Texas this week, where first time State Rep Molly White has introduced a bill that would require the state to ignore any Supreme Court ruling that legalized marriage.

Can she do that? Nope, that's not how laws work. Or the Supreme Court. Or America in general. For better or for worse, Texas is still part of the United States, so Texas can't just say "no thanks" when the Supreme Court tells them to do something. White's only been in office for two months, so hopefully she'll get the hang of it soon.

Over in Alabama, the state Supreme Court is experiencing similar confusion. They've ordered probate judges to ignore the federal ruling that they have to issue marriage licenses. So now it's state law versus federal law, and nobody knows who will win. Just kidding! Federal law will win. That's the basis of our entire legal system.

Then there's South Carolina, where a couple of politicians want to amend the US Constitution to ban marriage equality. This has no chance of happening. But State Senator Larry Grooms says that it's necessary for "the propagation of our species." Contrary to what Grooms seems to think, reproduction does not, in fact, originate in the U.S. Constitution.

And in Oklahoma, State Rep Todd Ross has solved the marriage debate with a new bill that stops the state from issuing marriage licenses, and instead requires marriage certificates. And this is different because... well, it's actually pretty much the same, it's just slightly less paperwork. So, okay.

Finally this week a new national survey shows support for marriage soaring to 59 percent, with just 33 percent opposed. This means that the freedom to marry is slightly more popular than the Pope.