Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho, It's Off to War with Iran We Go

10/29/2007 07:24 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

George W. Bush is bored. He has a year and a half left in his presidency, and he only has two wars going at the same time. The American economy is on the verge of a recession. Just to make sure he still has the magic, the president just vetoed a bill that would have given millions more children health insurance.

But for this President, these challenges are old hat. He's been there, destroyed that.

Now, he's going to bomb Iran. Last week, he suggested that if we are interested in avoiding World War III, we ought to be interested in preventing Iran from having the knowledge necessary to make a nuclear weapon.

Boy, that's a low bar. If Iran has the knowledge -- the knowledge -- of how to make a nuclear weapon, we will be in World War III.

Wow. Now, let's get a couple of things straight: one, Iran's economy is in a meltdown. Their nutty leader may get tossed aside by his own people. Two, Iran may be years away from getting a nuclear weapon.

I don't want them to have a nuke; Iran aligns themselves with terrorists, they have been particularly bellicose in order to get attention, and a nuclear Iran may set off a Middle East arms race that will send me to my underground bunker (not the same one Cheney hid in after 9/11) for the next 50 years.

But Iran going nuclear is years away. And Iran knowing how to go nuclear -- that's the standard that the President has set for World War III.

I mean, Iran? Iran is going to start World War III? Is Iran really threatening world conquest? I mean, aside from their conquests of Great Neck and Beverly Hills.

What troops will we use for our war with Iran? After we're done bombing Iran, and we are sure that every single human being in the world hates our country, won't Iran still have the knowledge they had before?

How do you nuke knowledge?

I realize that, to this president, a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. That's why he's tried to avoid having any for the last seven years.

But learning how to do something is not a reason to start a war.

Let me ask you a question: if George W. were President during the Cuban Missile Crisis (instead of JFK), well, would you be here today? Or would you be reading this blog from the afterlife?

You can't call this president's bluff; he has no bluff. He means it. I think his eyes are going all googly just thinking about all the places he can bomb before he leaves office. Matter of fact, I'm not even worried about us bombing Iran anymore. It's going to happen.

I'm worried that if China keeps recalling its Dora the Explorer toys, it's goodbye Shanghai.

Do we still have the Secret Service guy with the nuclear football? Hey, Secret Service guy: Hold on to that thing for dear life! If the president asks for you, have someone tell him you're in the bathroom.

Then somebody, call Poppy and Barb, and have them show up at the White House ASAP. Lock Cheney out of the room. Have an intervention -- perhaps you need more than two people for an intervention, I don't know what the rules are -- and tell W. that when he leaves office, if he keeps this up, we won't have a world for him to go out into and give speeches to "fill up the ol' coffers," as he so eloquently put it.

January 20, 2009 is a year and a half away, but for as far away as it seems, we may as well be counting in dog years. This president can do untold amounts of damage before he leaves office. And he seems determined to go out with a bang.