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Top Ten Things Democrats Should Do Before Abandoning Ambitious Health Care Reform

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  1. Work (in a bipartisan way, of course) with the National Rifle Association to arm America's 50 million uninsured and give them a ticket to Washington.
  2. Require every senior Wall Street banker to personally cover 1000 uninsured families (cost: just13 million a year!)
  3. If Conan can be paid $30 million not to host The Tonight Show, can't some Democratic billionaire offer Scott Brown $31 million (one dollar for every uninsured American who stands to get covered by the bill) not to take his seat, forcing another special election in Massachusetts?
  4. Ask China to demand health care's passage because we need its deficit reduction to start paying them back all the money we've borrowed.
  5. Pass it with 59 votes as an act of civil disobedience, let Republicans sue, and take the tyranny of the minority to the court of public opinion.
  6. Bring back Hillary to negotiate a deal. She's rested, she's ready, and she learned her lesson in 1994.
  7. Tell Republicans you'll sign any plan they offer that the CBO certifies will cover at least 30 million of the uninsured.
  8. Run wall-to-wall ads featuring Scott Brown's nude centerfold until he says "uncle."
  9. Promise to run wall-to-wall ads featuring Scott Brown's nude centerfold if he signs on.
  10. Ask Congress to put the Bob Dole-Howard Baker-Tom Daschle bipartisan blueprint for universal coverage to an up-or-down vote. Seriously.
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