03/25/2010 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Top Ten Things Democrats Should Do Before Abandoning Ambitious Health Care Reform

  1. Work (in a bipartisan way, of course) with the National Rifle Association to arm America's 50 million uninsured and give them a ticket to Washington.

  • Require every senior Wall Street banker to personally cover 1000 uninsured families (cost: just13 million a year!)
  • If Conan can be paid $30 million not to host The Tonight Show, can't some Democratic billionaire offer Scott Brown $31 million (one dollar for every uninsured American who stands to get covered by the bill) not to take his seat, forcing another special election in Massachusetts?
  • Ask China to demand health care's passage because we need its deficit reduction to start paying them back all the money we've borrowed.
  • Pass it with 59 votes as an act of civil disobedience, let Republicans sue, and take the tyranny of the minority to the court of public opinion.
  • Bring back Hillary to negotiate a deal. She's rested, she's ready, and she learned her lesson in 1994.
  • Tell Republicans you'll sign any plan they offer that the CBO certifies will cover at least 30 million of the uninsured.
  • Run wall-to-wall ads featuring Scott Brown's nude centerfold until he says "uncle."
  • Promise to run wall-to-wall ads featuring Scott Brown's nude centerfold if he signs on.
  • Ask Congress to put the Bob Dole-Howard Baker-Tom Daschle bipartisan blueprint for universal coverage to an up-or-down vote. Seriously.