Cosmic Response to Aggression and Predation (C.R.A.P.)

09/07/2010 11:20 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Celestial word has it that extra-terrestrial forces are being dispatched to earth. There is word of great concern by many in our galaxy that some of the outgrowths of human activity may be reaching a zenith that is all but acceptable, both in our own galaxy and the vast ranges of our universe. These concerns had been squelched for some time in that humans, until recently, had no capability of leaving their planet.

Now that Terrans have shown an ability to escape earth's gravity however, forces outside and watching are suddenly unnerved. It seems that our inclinations on this planet are not consonant with those of a preponderance of the evolving species in the galaxy. And word from the other galaxies has been that there will be no accommodating the violent and violative behavior found rife and rampant in the human condition.

The Cosmic Response to Aggression and Predation (C.R.A.P.) forces especially disdain how humans war and murder their own, compete for what should be shared resources, violate their eco-sphere and exercise levels of greed long ago discarded or outlawed almost everyplace else in the cosmic community. Using almost every measure standard to cultural evaluation, planet earth fails the tests that determine whether or not a life form is allowed to join that great sentient community that exists in what the humans would colloquially call "the heavens."

Our behavior is so reprehensible to some that they desire to disallow our entrance into our own senses of "Heaven" upon death. They posses the ability to affect access and are considering such intervention as a form of "motivation." In our case however, they are unsure as to term this intervention "positive" or "negative" reinforcement. And sadly, many are so befuddled at human behavior that they no longer care.

Those forces, far superior to any technological force that humans possess, are most concerned about the math. They are greatly troubled that we as a species regularly kill large numbers of our own. They do not appreciate the incomprehensible to them violence between genders as well. Rape in most cosmic cultures is a violation punishable by banishment to a desert planet. It is difficult to assess however in that in 99.93768% of them, it hasn't occurred for eons.

But mostly, their numbers question our accounting. They wonder how we spend so much of our resources on scores of such fruitless activity. And they will be reviewing Washington politics when they first arrive, because they recognize that 52% of our planet's dollars for war are generated in one country. Any corrective intervention will be germinated in America first due to this imbalance of resources for weaponry.

Realizing that they cannot put earth's technological genie back into the bottle, they have limited options. They can "recalibrate" human thinking through what we humans could only appreciate as "brainwashing" techniques. Some of these utilities might be extremely painful given the fragility of modern human thought however.

They can show themselves and appeal to our sense of practicum and propriety by asking that we voluntarily change our behaviors. Their pre-research teams have already delivered reports that such volunteerism from our perspective is not expected to be effective. They can alter our thoughts and behaviors without our knowing. This is not preferable however in that it violates their prime directive and many other of their canons of contact and intervention. Their last option is of course, to totally obliterate the planet and write it off as an aberrant scourge, which there is growing support for. If we could only see ourselves as others see us!

How humans treat their children seems to be the lynchpin. Poor nutrition, inadequate education, child slavery, child sex slavery and inadequate living supports in the face of "plenty" do not fare well with all of them. Indeed, one proclamation has been offered amongst them (breaking their normal democratic and egalitarian trends) considering just writing us off and collecting humans as feed stock for those civilizations that still eat flesh, but are more "humane" (this is the nearest word we have to the concept) than are we are. Oddly, these species are unqualified to join their consortium as well, but obviously farther along than we are.

They scoff at banks and the inherently predatory quality and power of that mechanism. Profit motive is a concept that is strongly taught against in elementary schools along with wary crossings at the space quadrant red lights, placing one's hand on oven burners and sticking tongues to frozen surfaces. And they have no confidence of any possible recovery as their scholars have studied our recent "Re-Depression, " loan modifications and corporate bias against collective bargaining.

So the next time we see those bright lights moving quickly in the sky, appreciate that it may be just our having summoned the "C.R.A.P." that is coming our way.