1. Never, ever ask a woman if she is pregnant.
2. Old people have lots and lots of good stuff to say.
3. "I'm sorry. I made a mistake. I won't do that again," is always the best first response to any trouble you may be in.
4. The people who make their dreams come true are the people who work the hardest. Talent means little.
5. Good listeners are the most beloved people on the planet.
6. Fight with your feet. If someone hits you, run. You never know what that person might have in his or her pocket.
7. Never, ever download a video game on your mobile phone.
8. Most people settle for a career rather than chasing their passion and end up living lives of quiet desperation. Promise yourself that you won't let this happen to you.
9. Remember that almost every disaster will be meaningless in a year. Maybe a week.
10. The unexpected thank you note is the best kind of thank you note.
11. The weird ones are the interesting ones.
12. Befriend people who are smarter than you.
13. Make sure that your bathing suit is securely fastened to your body before jumping off a diving board.
14. You care about what you look like. No one else does. Truly.
15. Wear deodorant everyday.
16. Always record video with your mobile phone in the horizontal position.
17. Never, ever tell a person who asks you how to spell a word to look it up in the dictionary. There is no stupider way to find the spelling of a word.
18. Never, ever allow a person to sit alone in the cafeteria at lunch.
19. Don't be "too cool" to sing, dance, or participate in gym class.
20. If you learn to speak extemporaneously to an audience, you will have a skill that almost every other person on the planet does not.
21. Shakespeare isn't as hard as people want you to believe.
22. If you want something, fight for it in writing.
23. Always help your family with dinner. Cook, set the table, or clean up afterwards. Work for your food.
24. Winners arrive on time. Losers are always unexpectedly stuck in traffic.
25. Any chore that takes two minutes or less should be done immediately. Dishes in the sink should never be a thing.
26. The single greatest thing you can do to guarantee your future success is to read a lot. Read more than everyone else.
27. Don't ever expect life to be fair.
28. Complain less than the people around you. If possible, don't complain at all.
29. Nothing good ever comes from watching reality television.
30. Drop mean friends instantly. There are too many people in this world to waste your time with a selfish jerk face.
31. Visit your former teachers often.
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