06/21/2009 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Cheney Revealed As A Terminator During Latest Speech

As we all have heard, both President Obama and former Vice President Cheney gave dueling speeches today on the topic of national security. While the actual content of Cheney's speech mimicked the attacks he's been lobbing for the past weeks, news was made in the fact that Cheney has finally been revealed as an cyborg.

As you will see, during Cheney's speech, a malfunction of some sort caused a small explosion which caused the Cheney-Borg's flesh-like covering to melt, thus revealing the endoskeleton hidden beneath.

Take a look.

So, we now know that Cheney is a Terminator designed by Skynet to bring about the end of our civilization. Looking back, I can't say that I'm particularly surprised. It's something we all should have seen coming. All those heart surgeries? Tune ups. Upgrades for the C-1000. The Cheneynator. No, strike that. The Dickanator.

It explains his choice of language. Enhanced interrogations. Sounds like something a heartless machine would say.

It also explains why he keeps coming back. He's a machine. It's his programming. His mission is not complete. And it seems like he's unstoppable, but that's not the case. I've done some research, and there is one known way to stop a Dickanator and that's to prosecute him for his war crimes.

But, my guess is that isn't in the script, and it's too bad because I don't think C2 is a sequel any of us really want to see.


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