The ranking head of the Republican party, Rush Limbaugh, was shocked to find that in a recent survey by the firm Public Policy Polling, only 37% of women had a favorable opinion of him.
Rush immediately sprang into action. Well, he sprang as much as a man of Rush's girth could reasonably spring. On-air, he asked
"I own the men, and what must I do now to own women?"
Great starting point. How can I own the women? I can already tell this is going to go great.
Being a diplomat at heart, Rush called for the first EIB Network Female Summit to get to the bottom of why women just aren't into him. Being a man of action, he held the "summit" on his February 25th radio show.
Before he began he also made a clear stipulation.
"Sorry, no transsexuals. We're not going to have anybody who's had an addadictomy, and we're not going to have anybody who's had a chopadickoffamy."
How can anyone NOT like him when he talks like that? Chopadickoffamy? Could he be more lovable and endearing?
Anyway, the "summit" went on with mixed results, with female callers telling Rush he can come off a bit pompous and sexist. Sadly, this hurt El Rushbo's feelings and he got a tad defensive with such great responses as
"I would say they need to lighten up, for crying out loud! Why do I have to change who I am? Why can't they just lighten up?"
And
"Janet, you're trying to emasculate me here. You're trying to get me to shred every vestige of my identity here"
You'd think since he was the one holding the "summit", whose sole purpose was asking women to criticize him, he might have been better prepared for the negative response.
Not to be discouraged, Rush has now announced that he will continue with his quest as to why women see him as the repulsive human being that he is with another summit this upcoming Monday at the West Palm Beach Hooters restaurant. Take a look at Rush's announcement.
Alright, so he's not really holding a summit at Hooters. At least as far as I know. But, if Rush really wants to know why women don't like him, he needs to look no further than this image from his own website.
Don't you love that the symbol for Rush Limbaugh's "Female Summit" is a silhouette of a stripper?
Maybe the reason Rush genuinely doesn't understand why women see him as a sexist pig is because the majority of the women he deals with are people who are being paid to be nice to him.
I mean, the stripper smiled when I shoved the $20 into her g string!