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Where Is My Martin Luther Queen?
It was Gay Pride this past weekend in Los Angeles. Traffic was terrible. My husband and I sat in gridlock on Sunset Boulevard. We were bringing our daughters to music class just like we do every Sunday. It's a class designed to teach the girls how to appreciate musical sounds, play crude instruments and sing simple songs with other little people. When I say little people I don't want you to get the impression that they're taking a music class with Peter Dinklage and Linda Hunt. I mean, little people in the old-fashioned way... you know, babies. Can you imagine, they're nine months old and we take them to a music class. They still think my eyeball is a toy. So music class is really a place where you watch your kids shove plastic clackers in their mouths, lick the carpet and shit in their diaper if the songs with drum beats have to much bass in them. It's more of a mucus class than anything -- but we go because that's what you do, right?
Stuck in our car, with our sweet babies sleeping, we watched hundreds of gay men migrate towards the hub of the Pride parade. It's at the corner of Santa Monica Boulevard and San Vincente in West Hollywood. I was surprised by how few lesbians we saw, but I think they arrive earlier so they can deal with parking and possible crowd issues.
From the car, I noticed gay men are working a new look this season. It's the Adam Lambert. Some really go for it with the blue hair tint and the black nail polish. But overall, most gays stick to the look that has always served them well. You know it:
--Be young (even if you're not).
--Be a size 2.
--Messy hair (that takes an hour to do).
--An over-washed thermal shirt that shows belly skin when you wave.
--Incorporate leather string somewhere:
a. around the neck with a bead
b. wrapped a dozen times around the wrist
c. a simple anklet...also with a bead
d. all of the above
-- Work a good butt in good jeans you stole from your sister.
This look is called the Kris Allen.
Anyhoo, when we were planning our weekend, I thought it might be a cool idea to take the kids to Gay Pride after music class. I could just see us putting them in Baby Bjorns and walking amongst our people and really being a part of it. But as I sat in my car, watching from the periphery, I started to worry. Were these my people? I used to get comforting goose bumps at Gay Pride parades. I am a part of something. These sexual outlaws and gender pioneers are my brothers and sisters and we are part of a community. But for the first time, I felt like an outsider.
Dykes on bikes, Tarzana Trannies, Jewish Leather Daddies and Kathy Griffin's mom. Don't get me wrong. I love these people. Let's call them the "Usual Suspects." They fought for my rights and taught me how to dance. But they should no longer be representing "the pride." It's a different time. For god's sake, Larry Craig is a life-long homosexual. What I'm trying to say is that "unremarkable" mainstream people are gay, too. So I cringe when a local newsperson shoves a microphone in the face of some young 95-pound twink (Straight Translation: a twink is a skinny homosexual with a lot of moxie). The twink looks into the camera and screams into the reporter's microphone: "Get down here now. The drinks are big. But you know what's bigger..." He laughs in a high-pitched cackle and his "girlfriends" join in. I wish they'd read more and drink less.
I'm depressed. Why is this the voice speaking for me?
I know there were many types of interesting, smart people on the parade route showing their support. But guess what, guys and gals? None of you have a loud enough, strong enough or powerful enough voice to be heard over the thumping techno backbeat of the big gay parade. This is a huge problem. Sad, but true. The mainstream media still has no better choice but to showcase the extremes of gay life. I mean, imagine if we used the Mardi Gras as the singular way we'd depict straight folk. The public would be lead to believe that all men wear jock straps on their heads and all women like to do is show us their tits.
So you understand my pain when I see one of the "usual suspects" on the news?
Is he supposed to be my leader?
He's not my leader!
Where is my leader?!
Why doesn't the gay world have a leader?
Where is my Jesse Jackson?
Where is my Martin Luther King?
Where is my Barack Obama?
Wait! Him! Why not him? Why isn't this modern man speaking up for me and protecting my civil rights?
Something is very wrong here. I guess it would be nice to have a leader for the gay movement. But he or she has not presented him or herself. So why not kill two birds with one stone? Let's hire Barack Obama. I want Barack to be my leader, just like he is for all Americans. Maybe I don't need a separate leader. Maybe I don't need a separate anything anymore. I know I don't want a gay flag. I only cover my heart with my hand when I stand beneath the stars and stripes of the American flag. Because that's what I am before anything else. Rainbows don't cut it for me anymore. And they certainly haven't protected me. I have no desire to wrap myself in that rainbow. So why isn't Barack standing up and waving the American flag for me?
It should be him.
He said he would do it. But this is all we got:
Last night President Obama issued a memorandum to extend limited benefits to same-sex partners of federal employees. A memorandum? A memo? That doesn't sound very equal rights-ish.
TO: The GaysFROM: The President of the United States
RE: If you're going to use the fridge, label your food.
That's what I think a memo is. President Obama's memo was almost as worthy. He's giving same-sex benefits to federal employees with major omissions. It's crumbs, people. It's nothing. It's basically a reaction to some noise. He thinks he's throwing us a bone. He could and should have done this on his first day in office. Why isn't he talking about big picture issues? Why isn't he making or preparing the country for sweeping change? The wise gay elders tell me that I should respect this baby step. It is, after all, his first "gay experience" in office. But I say, "no." I want more from MY leader. He's making news because he's giving his gay employees almost the same benefits as he gives his straight employees. Why are we celebrating this?!
Before 1967, his parents would have been arrested for their marriage. Why aren't we being more demanding of this president? And why isn't he more understanding of our position? It's time for us to lose our patience. He should have a deeper understanding of this inequality -- at the very least, deep down in his heart I want to believe he does. He says, for religious reasons, he believes that marriage should be between a man and a woman. I call bullshit, Mr. President. I don't believe that's your personal view. You're being a politician when you say that. You're too intelligent for that. You were a constitutional law professor. Even I know the 14th Amendment means that separate but equal is not equal.
Hey, wait a minute. I just realized something.
It's your job is to be my leader, Barack! When I voted for you, I believed in the integrity of your words as a leader for all citizens, not just most. So back it up with action. It's time you stood out there in front of the Washington Monument and made a speech on my behalf. It's time. It would start something like this:
"I have a dream. I have a dream for some queens..."
This would really give my little daughters something to sing about in music class, Mr. President.
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100% agree. We should be happy because Obama declares June a gay pride month, but doesn't move on DADT?
Crumbs. You're absolutely right. I won't be happy with minor decisions that RESEMBLE equality.
You say that Obama's parents would have been arrested for being married before 1967, but they were married in 1961 and were never arrested. You need to get your facts STRAIGHT.
Your post is mind-boggling for its extreme myopia- perhaps 'gayopia' is more apt. It 's neither funny nor cogent. You throw your brothers & sisters under the bus- If you don't wish to witness stereotypes being enacted, don't go to parades or watch sitcoms.
President Obama has been in office 5 MONTHS and has major issues on his plate- the economy, jobs, climate disasters, a neglected infrastructure, two wars, foreign policy challenges- to say nothing of the project of restoring faith in our government and our democracy, after the disastrous mismanagement of Cheney, Bush & Co.
I accept that the gay agenda is not a top priority. It is important, and will ultimately enrich us all, as did the civil rights advances. But let's face it- relative to the civil rights movement, it's a narrow agenda. Seek some perspective- lest you lapse into another gay stereotype- that of the shrieking queen.
Please call your representative in Congress and get them to support The Tax Equity for Health Plan Beneficiaries Act. It would end the taxation of health care benefits given to same-sex couples.
OMG!! I am getting so frustrated by all this divisiveness. Obama has been president for 5 months!!!!! Do you think he can make this go away by a brush of a pen? It's not going to happen. You are going after the wrong guy. Turn your frustration to the Congress PLEASE. And - do you think that maybe he has some stuff on his plate right now that may need to take precedent? I totally support the rights of the LGBT community and I'm sure that at some point he will get to it, but for God's sake can we give this guy a break right now while he deals with the economy, Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, North Korea, health care, etc., etc.
Your essay highlights what lots of people are forgetting, come to the debate on gay rights: That we are indeed talking about civil rights. That all citizen of a country shall be entitled to the same rights, or the country is no real free democracy: A country dividing its citizens in more or less worthy of a right is a country where discrimination rules. A country where the majority gets to vote over the rights of the minority (Prop 8) is not a true democracy. That's not freedom.
Despite the flaws of the American constitution (flaws the law scholar named Obama should be and is aware of), this idea is the foundation of the constitution. Not, really, that all men are created equal. But that all humans are created different, and because we're all different, we're all of equal value, and we should all have the same rights.
People opposing gay civil rights often use "morals" as an argument. We shouldn't let them monopolize that. There's nothing morally correct in discrimination. Denying your brother a right you demands for yourself is stealing a public good, and there's nothing morally correct in stealing. Nor is there anything morally correct in being thy sister's judge, telling her that the love she is experiencing is less worthy than the love you're experiencing. Let's turn the debate in that direction, and a Martin Luther Queen will not be needed. We'll all be free at last.
President Obama has been in office 5 MONTHS! Not 5 YEARS! This man has never shown himself to be anything other than honorable and trustworthy. I am tired of people questioning his integrity and quite frankly though I support people in the quest for rights, I am tired of the bitching and moaning. If we had President McCain , you would have no avenue. The President has a little bit of stuff on his plate right now and we should do this the right way . Through changing the laws just as we did for civil rights for black people. An executive order is not going to get it done and quite frankly , I want the health care issue to be front and center right now because we need it. DADT and DOMA and getting them overturned are important , but not paramount.
I got a question for those who say most of the country is in favor of overturning DADT. Where are they and why are they not making enough noise about Obama not repealing that law at this very moment instead of some date in the future? If most of the country is in favor of gay marriage why was it struck down in the 4 states that it appeared on the ballot this past Nov. If there is so much support for gay marriage and DADT repeal why are we evening have a conversation about this today? When Obama finally does sign in law the repeal of DADT and DOMA is the gay community and supporters ready for the backlash? Because there will be one just like it was for the black community after civil rights laws was past.
"Because there will be one just like it was for the black community after civil rights laws was past."
OH! Well then, let's call the whole thing off. If finally getting rid of institutionalized discrimination against gays is going to cause a "backlash" among homophobes, then we should totally continue those policies. It's "for the queers' own protection" after all. Hell, while we're at it let's repeal civil rights for blacks, too-- maybe that will finally calm down those unpleasant white supremacists. And Let's take away voting rights for women, and finally be rid of the misogynistic arseholes who think that any woman who isn't barefoot and pregnant must be some "uppity feminist who needs a good slap."
Yes indeed, there are an awful lot of bigots out there, and to keep them quiet we should absolutely acquiesce to them-- in fact, let's just pay them to write national policy. We can pay them with the proceeds from the sale of all that property the black and women will no longer be allowed to own, and the tax dollars collected from (but not equally spent upon) the homos who'll be forced back into the closet. Waiting-- or better yet, going backwards-- will be *so* much *better!*
Is this guy serious?
Unfortunately, yes.
Fortunately, yes.
The irony seems to be lost on you Max - that the "95-lb twink" you wish would "read more and drink less" is none other than Jack McFarland - the same vehicle you used to introduce mainstream America to Gay culture in the now iconic Will and Grace ... and what made you a multi-millionaire. Where was your concern when we were all screaming that Will and Grace was itself a cariciture of Gay life? As funny as Karen Walker was ... there were far to few real LBGT moments in that series.
I applaud taking Obama to task - by demanding that LGBT Equality be taken seriously with real concrete results.
But I'm the one who is now depressed after having read your diatribe against what you call the "usual suspects". How dare you! The entire purpose of Pride is to represent all of the many facets of the Queer community. I believe your intentions were good - we all want the same thing Universal LGBT Equality -- but you screwed up when your opening blew it.
Well, considering that they weren't interested in a very good, actual gay actor for the lead role because "he was too straight" (see John Barrowman), I'm not sure Will & Grace should get that much credit, other than for perpetuating stereotypes.
At the same time, I'm incredibly annoyed with these people who feel it is Obama's job to repeal DADT / DOMA. These were laws passed by the legislative branch, and of the three branches of government, only two have the power to overturn an already passed law-- and the executive branch isn't one of them.
Instead of taking cheap shots at Obama (after all, as Bill Maher proved, it's a fast way to get some publicity), how about those of you in the media (and now I'm talking to you, Max) using your influence to get a campaign going to pester congress-- You know, the branch of the federal government that can actually make this right.
John Barrowman is an awful actor. Awful. Try watching Torchwood. He can, however, sing well.
This post gets it wrong so many times, I do not know where to start! And by the way, there never was an anti-miscegenation law in Hawaii.
The more I see the headline to this blog post, the more offended I get. Especially on behalf of not just the members of the King family, but the millions of black Americans who worked hard to change this country. i don't think using the name of Dr. King in this manner is in ANY way appropriate. It is downright offensive.
We hate to say it aloud, but every time gays try to compare their "struggle" for civil rights to black Americans, the unmentioned 800 lbs. gorilla in the room is that gays have been able to do something universally that blacks and other racial minorities cannot: Gays can "pass" for being straight, while most blacks cannot pass for being white. Thus you have been able to afford yourselves of all of the advantages society with only the "self-inflicted" disadvantages.
You have not been "ghetto-ized." You are not routinely demonized as the perpetrators of every crime ever committed. (When was the last time you heard "a gay man carjacked me!" ?) Your children go to schools public and private, and are only bused to their desitinations when your SUV is in the shop.
To use the name of Martin Luther King in this manner is not the way to solidify your cause with straight black America. Instead of looking for a Martin Luther King, Jr., find your next Truman Capote. Or Rock Hudson. or Liberace.
This poster protests too much. There really is no need to get offended. The Gay movement does indeed need its own Martin Luther King - a leader who can bridge gaps and communicate clearly and beautifully that equal rights for all is necessary for a more perfect Union. The "Queen" reference is a play on words and should not be offensive to anyone.
The sad thing is that Harvey Milk might well have been that person, had he not been assassinated just as his political career was beginning. Skip the Hollywood movie (which isn't bad) and watch the documentary: "The Life and Times of Harvey Milk." They guy was amazing. I suggest that current gay activists watch that film and think about how he handled issues with flair, clarity, strength, humor, and common sense.
Peace and justice to one and all in this great nation of ours.
I do not protest nearly enough...
It may not be offensive to you because you're not black. It offends the H&LL out of me.
The fact is that we don't talk about the gorilla, because you all know it's true. If in the 25 years (or more) since Harvey Milk died, gays haven't found a new person to lead them to the promised land is not Obama's problem.
If you want black Americans to support you, stop glomming on to civil rights movement, stop being disrespectful of civil rights leaders, and stop complaining about what Obama's not doing for you.
Start doing for yourselves. What's the saying? Oh yeah... Man Up!
I agree with you that the fight against racism is nowhere near over. But I don't think the fact that racism still exists is an excuse for keeping up discrimination against gays, either. Discrimination is wrong, no matter who is discriminated, no matter who does the discrimination and no matter how severe it is. Injustice is unfair. Injustice should be ended. And though giving people equal rights will not change prejudice in itself, it will, eventually, help bridging gaps and overcome the idea that some people are more "valuable" than other people. I hope.
To quote MLK, "No, no, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters, and righteousness like a mighty stream."
That's what it's about. Justice. And, again, MLK: "We refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation."
It's not acceptable discriminating due to color of skin. Nor should it be acceptable discrimination due to the colors of the rainbow.
Dear Jade7243,
I completely agree with you on the bastardization of Martin Luther King's name in this article - completely inappropriate IMHO. Martin Luther Queen?
I must protest that GAY is not a race, and you must recognize that there are as many African Americans and other people of color who are also Gay, and they cannot pass for white privilege. What angers me about Black people's complaint about Gay rights being compared to Civil Rights is that they do it out of ignorance. Gay rights ARE Civil Rights. And even more so because the Civil Rights movement was also led by MLK’s right hand man, Bayard Rustin - an openly GAY African American who stepped down from the spotlight to prevent from hindering the movement due to homophobia.
Bayard Rustin organized and spearheaded the march on Washington yet sacrificed himself so that we could not be divided by homophobia. Rustin was a driving force behind the rights we have won.
How are you sacrificing for others in spite of your advantages?
Even Hewey P. Newton of the Black Panthers wrote a letter to the African American community in support of our LGBT brothers and sisters. And even the beautiful wife of MLK, Corretta Scott King, was a champion for Gay Civil Rights till her death.
Why, do you ask? If you care at all?
Because these people understood that it was still oppression and Civil Rights were fought to benefit ALL people. That's how big of a heart the Civil Rights movement had. So big that it embraced non-African Americans, non-heterosexuals, non-Christians, non-males. As African Americans we must remember to embrace – which has long been our MO (Mode of Operation).
Now what I do AGREE with and understand, is the ELEPHANT in the room. The mainstream GAY community is primarily represented by White LGBT people. And it does anger me to hear people call upon the name of great leaders for equality such as MLK and Corretta Scott, when the “mainstream” LGBT community has never been overly concerned with fostering inclusion and equality within it's own community! The LGBT community has not been exempt from the racism and prejudice that the rest of America has been akin to. White is still the Status Quo and still inferred with much inherited privilege.
Boystowns (gay areas) across America are still largely segregated. Gay clubs, organizations, periodicals, etc. are still largely WHITE. There often seems to be no effort and no concern to be inclusive. Even HIV/AIDS funding is unequal. Yet African Americans now suffer from the epidemic more than any other group.
Yet these very same voices, like the Gay marriage movement, find themselves angered and offended when suddenly "we" don't support their causes, because "we" are still BLACK first, even in the gay community - and we are treated as such. And it is not simply a matter of Gay Black people not speaking up, but also the history of separation that has excluded minorities from being welcome in largely white establishments and communities. Yet we have never had equal access and participation in such resources as gay white communities and organizations to foster a strong Black LGBT presence – socially or politically. On top of that or underlying that, is the rampant HOMOPHOBIA in the African American community inherent in FAITH based cultures such as ours. We are silenced by pomp and circumstance.
So Jade, on that point, with you I AGREE wholeheartedly.
Until the LGBT mainstream begins to show more inclusion, and when it shows more concern for the plight of other oppressed groups, other than when it benefits them, it is hypocritical to co-opt the banner of the Black Civil Rights Movement. But... It is still a CIVIL RIGHTS cause, no matter what.
When Prez is able to have his SRS done or approved on Airforce One, then you will get your rights. Oh,, I frequent "Stonewall" in Manhatten, where my "Sisters" stood up for their rights. I am inviting the Prez. to visit "Stonewall" and present an eloquent speech. Then maybe I won't risk being "Bashed" on the street outside of my own home again. I am a Veteran also, served six years.
Christ almighty. Obama's only been president for 6 months now. Give him time. He's still has a lot of other damage to undo.
I think what the gay movement needs is more science. Science to prove that being gay is a biological condition. A lot of straight people think it is a choice. I am straight and I don't believe it is a choice but many many do. I remember growing up two of my best friends were gay males. At the time I had no idea they were gay. Didn't really think anything about gayness one way or another actually. But I knew they were different and I adored them as friends. I don't think either one of them would have been able to explain what they felt and as far as awareness of being gay I think they must have known about as much as I did. However I do recall them being picked on mostly by other boys and being called queers sometimes. I know they did not choose pain.
I could no more choose to be gay than to choose to become a squirrel. I am who I am. My friends in grade school did not choose to be something that they would have to suffer emotional and physical pain for. They moved differently, talked differently and had differnt interests than the straight boys did but it came natural.
It was later when I was grown that I came back into contact with these two. And they were openly gay then. None of us realized it when we were kids. I guess the bullies knew though.
More science!
My gay best friend puts it thusly: "If I was going to make a choice, I would have chosen to be rich."
Actually they need more b@lls, to put it bluntly. They need to come out and let their voice heard. Let people know they are there and everywhere so that being gay is considered nothing but perfectly normal.
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