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Megan Baldwin

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Boyfriends: Why I've Never Had One

Posted: 05/30/2012 10:11 am

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

I wish I could tell you how many times I have been/will be asked this question. My family knows the answer, so they don't bother anymore. But everyone else -- almost friends, estranged relatives, manicurists, waxers, cab drivers, the man who makes my beet juice, and even the occasional homeless man -- comes right out with it. I've learned to be nice. I cock my head to the side, smile wide, and try to look like a Disney princess when I say no. And even nicer when they tell me that I am pretty and should. But I'm tired of it. So no, Lady Who Paints My Nails Contrasting Shades Of Black And Purple, I do not have a boyfriend.

In fact, in my entire 27, almost 28 years, I have never had a boyfriend. Catch that? Never. I have never introduced anyone to my family. I have never had that conversation where we decide, yes, we should try this. And only a handful, by which I mean one, has ever seen my monogrammed pillows and strange decorative accents. I don't show my childhood soccer trophies to just anyone.

No, I am not a nun. Yes, I have sex. But I do not have a boyfriend. I have situations. I have dates. I have text messages. I have boys who ask to come back to my apartment, to which I politely say, no thanks. Actually, I say, I have to leave now, so I can go home and be up to run in the morning, but thanks for dinner and stuff.

It's not that I've never wanted a relationship, or that I never want one. In fact, I wanted one last weekend when I had to attend a party where the freshly mowed backyard was filled with linked hands and women -- my-age women -- who looked like they'd swallowed basketballs. I was there by myself -- or something like that.

I was there to visit my friend who happens to have gotten married a few years ago and now lives in a cute town by the beach with her cute husband and dog. Watching her made me think for a second that it would be nice to have someone to hold my glass of sangria for me while I tried to re-tie the laces on my sneakers. Or just someone that didn't make me wonder whether or not he'd answer my phone calls.

But instead I seek out these amorphous situations. Or as I like to call them, the Call Me Maybes. There is the Call Me Maybe who is casually traveling the world to return when he feels like it; the one who could never be around because he was busy training and my favorite, the one who bounces from the beach to his bar and is only done working when the sun comes up (and I am asleep).

The alternative, the Call Me Way Too Muches have never been able to hold my attention with their dinner reservations and normal schedules. They try. They always respond. And within a few months I am bored and back trying to resuscitate a Call Me Maybe.

There is never a reason to dismiss the Call Me Way Too Muches, except that I have a fear of getting close, letting people in, and then having them leave me. There's also the acute case of ADD and fear of being tied down to anything. I've never had the same job for more than a year. I've never renewed a lease. And I've only recently made peace with owning furniture that requires a moving van.

I ended it with my last Call Me Way Too Much after I made the mistake of asking what he ate for lunch. I was curious or maybe just looking for a reason to get out, and I knew he would respond because he always responded. He responded approximately five times a day.

I got a nicely composed paragraph that mentioned chopped salads. I decided to see what this was all about. I went to a place that made chopped salad and stood in line with men in collared shirts and ties, some with wedding rings, others just vaguely cut from a J. Crew catalog, and immediately felt claustrophobic. I left the salad place, stopped answering Call Me Way Too Much's requests for dinner, and emailed my favorite Call Me Maybe.

I wasn't sure that he would reply because of some of the things I'd said/done. I know, I wasn't supposed to care when he didn't call me for weeks at a time, because he was busy and wasn't this just supposed to be light. Somewhere I did -- emotions are weird. But I wasn't sure I could articulate what I wanted, so instead of simply picking up the phone and telling him, I went the mature route and sent a series of passive aggressive text messages. He did respond.

It was a window that I climbed right back into. He had time before he had to go to work one night, we had a drink, and soon after we returned to the familiar, dizzying pattern that somehow I both love and hate.

I like that there are no expectations. I like that he allows me to be selfish and there is no accountability. I don't like when I start to miss him. Odds are this is what he likes about me, too, and maybe what he doesn't like. I don't know if he will ever be more than a Call Me Maybe. Or if I will ever be more than a Thursday night distraction. And I'm still not sure what I want: a relationship? Not really. A challenge? Probably. A distraction? Definitely.

I wish it was as simple as strangers seem to think: You'll meet a nice boy. He will hold the door for you. And you'll like him enough to want him there all the time. But it's not -- not when there are endless options, relationships that start and stop with a .com, and stubborn Before I Do lists.

So no, I do not have a boyfriend. I have a Call Me Maybe, whose phone number I've deleted for the 22nd time. It's not mature. But I don't know how else to prevent myself from slipping back into a pattern that I am not sure I want to be in.

I tell myself that when/if he pops up on my iPhone screen again, I will be far too busy to answer. Or that when I get bored and lonely, I won't go through my email to find his number. I want to be sure. I want to stop hoping that there is something there. I want to think that it is nothing.
I'm not yet. But I also know somewhere in the back of my mixed up head that maybe that just isn't good enough.

 
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MikeDu
Both salubrious and lugubrious concurrently.
07:54 PM on 06/04/2012
There's being unlucky in love, there's being independent, then there's simply being too self-centered to care about another human being. Admitedly many women acquire 'boyfriends' not in order to care about someone, but more as a fashion accessory for when they go out, like a small designer dog.
05:05 PM on 06/05/2012
So do men.
05:28 AM on 06/04/2012
I am turning 30 this august, and have never had a boyfriend. For years now, this has made me feel massively inadequate, and has consequently made the chances of meeting anyone even slimmer. I have always felt like there must be something fundamentally wrong with me, but I don't want to be alone. I experienced some profound trauma in my childhood, and again my late teens which led to me feeling extremely withdrawn. It is only this year that I have gone through the painful process of connecting the dots backwards, and figuring out what went wrong along the way. I hope that I can meet someone who likes me enough to be patient with me.
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01:08 PM on 06/04/2012
I hope so too. Best of luck to you.

First fan.
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Ivan Brugal
09:18 AM on 06/07/2012
Good luck!
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WillistonElkoAlum2002
Strongly favor abortion rights & less government.
04:07 AM on 06/04/2012
I've had only one girlfriend (who I missed so much) in my 28 years of living.
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02:01 PM on 06/03/2012
Ivan Brugal

Commented 1 day ago (thank you in advance, mods, for letting it through)

"Dear Megan, From your article, it is very possible that you feel or have been abandoned by someone dear to you, probably a parent, and/or someone you gave who betrayed your wholehearted confidence.

I believe that the unsolved love-have relationship that you developed with those person(s), has also make you doubt yourself and your self confidence, perhaps you also blame yourself for whatever happened? At this point you are mimicking that love-hate relationship, with your potential partners. This is not fair to you specially.

Can you find the strength to free yourself from your emotional baggage and become more emotionally stable, to the point of not being so afraid of being abandoned again but at the same time only falling for those who will surely abandon you?

The good news is that you are not alone, there are millions of people like you and there are professionals that know how to help you. I think you need help, will you go out and get it?"
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jf12
When I saw her I marveled greatly.
03:03 PM on 06/03/2012
Advice: stop treating nice guys poorly, and stop treating bad boys nicely. It would work, if she followed it.
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03:26 PM on 06/03/2012
If she could, she would.
06:47 PM on 06/03/2012
For a 60 year old man, you certainly lack emotional depth and have a one-track mind. Every problem a woman faces can be explained, according to you, by them not being attracted to nice guys/betas, not having sex frequently enough, and not being compliant enough. And all problems faced by men could be solved if only women stopped committing the aforesaid crimes. Can you not think outside the (victim) box? This is why nerds are unpopular. They (usually) are too smart for their own good, have a know-it-all attitude, and are not open to influence - they are rigid and opinionated, and condescending of others. I was beginning to think I was stereotyping nerds but you have reinforced the stereotype. Maybe there are some emotionally/socially evolved nerds around but you certainly aren't. You think you are a nice guy but you are anything but nice. Every time I read one of your comments, I feel sorry for your wife.
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Ethical Cat
09:47 AM on 06/03/2012
I'm 44 and I've never had a boyfriend. I have lots of friends -- male and female -- that I go out for coffee or meals. Sometimes I pay, sometimes they pay. My parents were happily married and there were no divorces among my siblings. I may be alone but I don't feel lonely. I'm happy with my life and work. I just don't have the urge to merge with someone. There's nothing wrong with that even though some posters in here would say otherwise. Perhaps some people are not just meant to be married. Perhaps my time hasn't come yet. If it's the latter, then I'm enjoying my own company and discovering my self.
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Terence Manuel
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
11:29 AM on 06/03/2012
"I may be alone but I don't feel lonely. I'm happy with my life and work. I just don't have the urge to merge with someone."

Good to hear. So long as you are happy and content, that is all that matters. All too often people try to fit others into THEIR box in the world.

Just be yourself and live life the way you want and not the way others think you should.
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Ethical Cat
12:31 AM on 06/05/2012
Thank you!

Some married friends do call me "weird" at times since I travel extensively and meet so many people -- especially eligible guys -- but still not settling down. I prefer to think of myself as "unique". After all, each one of us is different and totally unique!
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Katrin55
A man's reach should exceed his grasp
09:31 AM on 06/05/2012
You sound like a happy person who would be fun to know. Enjoy!
09:59 PM on 06/02/2012
Wow. The comment stream is amazing. The article struck a chord with me. All I can say is, spend some time concentrating on yourself. What you want/need will follow. The fact that you are so restless/unsettled that you can't keep a job or renew a lease is very telling. With no sarcasm, a good therapist could help you navigate
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01:18 PM on 06/03/2012
Good comment, good advice.
05:32 PM on 06/02/2012
Another case of the 80/20 rule being correct after all! 80 percent of the women lusting after 20 percent of the men. Of course there are bound to be many frustrated women left bitching and whining. Simple math, I am afraid!
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Terence Manuel
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
08:47 AM on 06/03/2012
Right. The men really don't giving a rats a** about them.

This is what they want, so I say give it to them. Just like they want it!
02:19 PM on 06/03/2012
So true! The irony of course is that if any of these 20% did give a rat’s a## about the women, they would immediately be banished to the other 80%! :)
02:00 PM on 06/02/2012
Boyfriends are over-rated. Just enjoy your life and don't worry about it. You're avoiding marriage like the plague? Yeah, smart girl. ;)
RealistBC
Micro-bios must pass muster.
03:24 PM on 06/02/2012
Girlfriends are over-rated. Just enjoy your life and don't worry about it. You're avoiding marriage like the plague? Yeah, smart boy. ;)
01:56 PM on 06/02/2012
Why is it OK for men to stay single and emotionally immature, but yet it's not OK for women? Such a double standard! I think she has much mor self-awareness than most people for even being able to write this. I don't blame her for not wanting to settle down, because it's not like there are all these great options out there. There aren't. Personally, I think she should just own up to the true reason why she doesn't want to settle down with any of the men she's met, and become a lesbian. :)
RealistBC
Micro-bios must pass muster.
03:25 PM on 06/02/2012
Single AND emotionally secure? Why both conditions? Nothing like another scurrilous assault upon the male gender to get the conversation going among selfish and greedy women.

Two can play this game.
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09:35 PM on 06/02/2012
Two can play, but it'd be an exercise in futility, as all arguments with logically impaired people are.
09:47 PM on 06/08/2012
"I think she has much mor self-awareness than most people for even being able to write this." Precisely what I was thinking. I also agree she needs help resolving some deep seated issues in her life and that has a lot to do with the abandonment of both her parents.
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Ivan Brugal
11:33 AM on 06/02/2012
Whoah I tried to give my honest advice, was it screened or deleted for any reason?
I came because a friend posted this on FB and said she feels the same way. I am not invading your "women" space, if that was the problem.
Because I know and have been a part of "The Nice Guys Club", I have come to believe I understand a bit on this behavior. I think that Megan has an unresolved love-hate relationship with someone she feels abandoned her, probably also feels guilty about it, and she is replicating that emotional insecurity in her relationships. She needs to let go of that emotional baggage, or risk being trapped in an emotional loop.
Why is it stigma to say that? If you are not going to post this comment at least tell me why.
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Terence Manuel
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
08:56 AM on 06/03/2012
Ivan, I think Megan is your typical normal young woman.

She loves the lifestyle and friends with benefits she enjoys with the men in her life.

I just hope ten years from now, she does not marry some poor sap and treat him differently than her FWBs.I would not hold my breath.
09:20 PM on 06/03/2012
Fav'd by mistake.
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Ivan Brugal
09:38 AM on 06/07/2012
Terence,
I believe a "typical normal young woman" would have had a couple of bfs by the time shes 27, that does not mean she would be a nun that does not "enjoys with the men in her life."
Luckily, shes not 35 yet. Having a relationship with another person, not just casual sex, the ability to trust wholeheartedly again, being afraid/sad/happy, sharing ones burden together is oftentimes, more than casual sex, important in our emotions.
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01:49 PM on 06/03/2012
I think you are making very good points, Ivan, about possible abandonment issues coloring Megan's life. She's clearly avoiding relationships that would result in commitment, instead pursuing those that have no chance of such, and what's more, keep her feeling uncertain and restless. She is young, though, and will learn her lessons as life presents them to her. It is certainly better she's avoiding a committed relationship now since she's not ready for it. She may never be, but that's life too.

It is no stigma in saying all that, BTW. I don't know why your first comment didn't make it, but this one did.
10:58 AM on 06/02/2012
Listen, if you want those annoying nice guys to leave you alone, just send them this essay. They won't call back. There, problem solved.

And, you will very likely contribute to the important national goal of reducing the number of annoying nice guys. There is nothing like coming to understand the reality of women to make annoying nice guys stop being annoying nice guys.

Think what a better world that would be. Especially for former annoying nice guys.
06:54 PM on 06/03/2012
Nice guys are annoying. We want good men, not nice guys. Good men have desirable character traits like integrity, responsibility, humility, strength, courage, etc., while nice guys have outwardly pleasant personality traits like giving you compliments they don't mean, saying what they know you want to hear, etc.
10:21 AM on 06/02/2012
"Watching her made me think for a second that it would be nice to have someone to hold my glass of sangria for me while I tried to re-tie the laces on my sneakers."

If that's your definition of what a good boyfriend is, then perhaps it's a good thing you don't desire relationships. Sounds like you were describing a servant.
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Scott Laux
Born in America. Now I live in a Free trade Zone
04:37 AM on 06/02/2012
Yuck. She's watched too many episodes of sex in the city.
06:55 PM on 06/03/2012
It is Sex AND the City.
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Scott Laux
Born in America. Now I live in a Free trade Zone
02:10 AM on 06/04/2012
Like i give a rat's behind. The show sucked.
03:24 AM on 06/02/2012
"...but thanks for dinner and stuff."

Riiiiiight!

I know this type, an emotionally immature feminist trapped in a woman's body. She only responds to being treated badly.

Then she'll decide she needs to marry because she's getting old; that's when "nice guy" comes in.

And another victimized man in America is born from another feminist marriage experiment. After all, now she needs to leave (and take the kids) in order to "escape" the marriage she pressured him into, so she can "find herself."

I seriously hope this author chooses to not get married. But this should also be used as an example to any man who still thinks there's any benefit to marrying domestically.

Mental issues in American women continue to rise each year thanks to feminism...Domestic marriage is NOT an option...
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jf12
When I saw her I marveled greatly.
12:09 PM on 06/02/2012
Yes. And a huge majority of women commenters agree with the author.
lincolnparkman
The man with a Plan!
11:20 PM on 06/03/2012
This road will eventually lead to "Eat, Pray, Love".. without the Javier Bardem character in the end.
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Goldie Treasure
Biracial.25.Sarcastic.Mod>Rep=Dem
09:57 PM on 06/01/2012
I think you are too old to be calling men, boys still and I think you need to grow up and stop running from any type of commitment. I think this is way more than, I don't need a man or a husband to complete me, since you seem to lack being committed to most everything in your life. At 23 I learned to stop being like that because eventually it will come back and bite you in the behind.
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jf12
When I saw her I marveled greatly.
12:10 PM on 06/02/2012
And another, was like that.
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Goldie Treasure
Biracial.25.Sarcastic.Mod>Rep=Dem
12:35 PM on 06/02/2012
I was like that with jobs not mean, so shove it hard.
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Goldie Treasure
Biracial.25.Sarcastic.Mod>Rep=Dem
12:40 PM on 06/02/2012
I was like that with jobs not men, so be quiet.