Yesterday I was talking to a former senior executive at a major company who is now mentoring a number of younger women. She told me she had given one of her mentees some tips on ways to boost her presence in company meetings (sit up straight, use your hands when you talk, look people straight in the eye, etc.). The younger woman had replied, "But when I do those things, people tell me I'm scary." That's the bind women face in the corporate world, my friend said.
It got me to thinking: what's so wrong with being scary? I'm not talking about being mean or aggressive or menacing -- just scary. After all, people get scared for all sorts of reasons, very often having to do with their own shortcomings and fears of not being able to retain a superior position.
People get scared when you are smarter or more successful than they feel "your kind" has a right to be. A lot of folks were really rattled when Barack Obama was elected president. They clearly still are. Does that mean that people of color or with foreign-sounding names should keep safely below the radar lest they intimidate the Joneses?
Grossly overpaid executives get scared when you mention today's national scourge of income inequality -- scared enough to invest millions of dollars into candidates who promise not to ask embarrassing questions. Is it really in the best interest of our country to stifle this dialogue in order not to upset the few?
Bullies get scared when you won't back down to their aggression. So should you lie down and take a beating so that you don't shake their fragile egos?
In negotiations, unscrupulous people get scared when you know more about a topic than they had thought you did -- so they can't pull the wool over your eyes. Does that mean that you should go in ignorant so that they can play their tricks with confidence?
And some people are scared when women, who are supposed to be the weaker sex, are smart, successful, display confidence, take part in the conversation with opinions and challenging questions, and have ambitions. So what's the better alternative? As someone who has been called scary more times than I would like to remember, I know my answer.