In the past few weeks, I've stretched my boundaries. I've taken on big initiatives, courted some MAJOR "big shots" to collaborate, and put myself out there with my following more than ever before. Behind the scenes, it's been a bumpy ride at times. I am, after all, human, and therefore I have moments where I feel scared, anxious, or resistant to moving forward. But I've been so fortunate that the right support has always arrived when I needed it, and this has allowed me to keep going.
One comment I've been getting a lot is, "I wish I had your confidence." It is so humbling to me that followers are inspired by my content, but I want to be clear: anyone has the ability to challenge themselves and increase their sense of their own worth and abilities. You can be the confident woman that you want to be, and take on big, scary, awesome projects too!
Having confidence is not a binary condition--a 1 or a 0, you have it or you don't--but rather a result of action that often coexists with fear. There isn't a single day that I don't feel a knot of fear in my gut. Some days, I simply choose to keep going. Other days, I struggle.
Confidence is ultimately knowing something, like, "I'm hot," "I'm good at this," or "People like and support me." This is why the more that you do something, the more confident you become in your ability to do it. You begin to know with more and more certainty that you're capable of something, or that something is true about you.
In that sense, confidence comes from taking action. So just because you're afraid to do something, or you're having trouble believing something, doesn't mean you're stuck, unless you choose to be. Do the things that scare you and start talking back to that little voice in your head that is making you feel unworthy of your dreams.
Photo by Elina Khachaturyan, hair by Christine Poindexter, top by Fabletics, pants and shoes by Adidas for Asos.
By daring to defy your own doubts and fears about yourself, you will find that they have so little substance. Even the things you believe that others believe about you ultimately turn out to be wrong or inconsequential. But for some reason, we all convince ourselves that we have to stay where we are in the world because someone is keeping us there.
If you feel like you want to build more confidence and improve your life, then begin taking action. For me, it started with reading and immersing myself in the work of thought leaders whose messages resonated with my dilemma of wanting to make changes in my life. Then, I began experimenting and failing forward until I landed on the thing that I knew I wanted to put my energy into. For me, that was becoming a Plus Size Model.
Once I got it right, everything happened really quickly and without any forcing from me. This doesn't mean that I'm not working really hard at mastering the craft of modeling and building my personal brand. Nothing could be further from the truth! However, doors have opened and opportunities have arrived that I could never have even conceived of. And I believe that experiencing that kind of flow is an indicator you're on the right track.
Today, I can sit here and write, knowing with absolute certainty that my words have the power to inspire and empower women. This is what drives me forward as I encounter new, scary situations that I need to propel myself through. I know that it feels impossible sometimes, or that those beliefs you have about yourself run deep, so it will take time and some trial & error at the start. But once you prove to yourself how much you are really capable of, there'll be no stopping you.
What are you waiting for?