Somewhere on the great continuum of life, my children evolved from toddlers to teens -- seemingly overnight. And although I don't miss the blur of early parenthood, projectile vomiting or the abundance of Legos I trod upon in the dead of night, I do miss delicious experiences like shopping for valentines with my brood.
Never mind that it was a painstaking process, watching them pace back and forth in store aisles attempting to choose the ultimate Disney-themed design from the tons that were available. Even more painstaking was the process of helping them fill out dozens for classmates and beloved teachers, since the children in question had yet to master the art of writing their own names. But that was part of the fun -- witnessing their determined efforts and the care with which they tackled the task year after year. In the end, it was always worth it.
So it's sort of sad that the celebrated valentines-exchange-gig is over for my kids. Sadder still is the fact that mass marketers never seemed to have capitalized on consumers like parents -- an enormous segment of the population that could potentially benefit from trading sentiments related to being in the trenches together. Just for fun, I came up with a handful of ludicrous valentines that moms and dads might find fitting for the occasion. Here they are...
1. You look ravishing, Valentine... especially when you find time to shower and brush your teeth after a harrowing day with the kids.
2. Can't wait to be alone with you, Babe... right after we read 47 bedtime stories and wipe the pasta off the dining room walls.
3. You had me at "I'll go to the parent/teacher conference this time. You just make yourself comfy on the couch, have a big glass of wine and read a great book."
4. There's nothing that says LOVE like offering to fold our brood's laundry (the right way) and find all their missing socks.
5. You're never sexier than when you're unclogging the kids' toilet or helping them with their godawful homework.
6. Be mine, Valentine! The kids are at a SLEEPOVER!
7. I'll be yours always and forever... if you promise to let me nap on the beach while you keep our youngest from drowning and/or pooping in the sand.
8. You're my soul mate and I can't imagine life without you as we tackle sleep deprivation, sibling rivalry and teen angst together.
9. You take my breath away -- even when I'm NOT yelling at the kids.
10. I'll love you till the end of time, Valentine -- or until our children stop asking unanswerable questions.
11. Nothing sounds more romantic than you, me and grocery shopping WITHOUT the kids.
12. Dance with me, tiny dancer -- even though the floor is littered with Cheerios and naked Barbie dolls.
13. Kiss me, you fool -- never mind that our children are conducting a science experiment in the kitchen -- possibly with flour, glue and glitter.
14. I'll love you to the moon and back... if you'll plan the kids' birthday parties and the next six vacations.
15. You complete me, my dear, but never more than when you're taxiing the kids all over the damn place.
16. Oh, how I adore thee, my hero... especially when you traipse around the house in your underwear because I heard a strange noise at 3 a.m.
17. Valentine, you make my heart race, even more than when our children play in traffic or ride scooters through the house.
18. Love means never having to explain why you let the kids eat ice cream for dinner.
19. I'm hopelessly devoted to you -- just like I'm devoted to posting stuff on Facebook that may or may not make our teens cringe.
20. My love for you is unconditional, much like my love for the bacon and chicken nuggets our kids discard.
Planet Mom: It's where I live with my special Valentine. Visit me there at www.melindawentzel.com and www.facebook.com/NotesfromPlanetMom.
Copyright 2016 Melinda L. Wentzel
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.