Imagine if you had a "friend" who said awful things to you, like:
"You can't wear that to the party, everyone will think you're hideous!"
"Everyone else is so much smarter than you -- why are you so dumb?"
"You're so weird and emotional... No wonder you can't get a boyfriend."
Seriously, if somebody said these things to you, you'd likely cut off all contact, block them on Facebook, and count your lucky stars that they were out of your life.
Yet the truth is, for so many women, someone says these types of things to us EVERY SINGLE DAY.
... And that someone is ourselves.
Well, to be more specific, it's our Mean Girl, a.k.a. our inner critic.
Never heard of your Mean Girl before? She's the voice inside your head that's constantly telling you you're not good enough / smart enough / thin enough / pretty enough / whatever enough. We've all got a Mean Girl (or a 'Bad Boy', if you're a guy) -- yep, every single one of us. It's just that some people have gotten really good at managing her and turning down the volume on her nasty words, while other people haven't yet learned these tools so remain crippled and paralyzed by the awful things she says.
The thing is, if you ever want a chance of experiencing true inner peace and happiness, it's essential that you learn how to master your Mean Girl and become your own best friend.
Here are five ways to make that happen...
1. Become aware of what your Mean Girl is saying.
Becoming aware of the negative thoughts that play on your mental mixtape is an important first step. So pay attention when the voice inside your head starts piping up... What is she saying to you?
- Comparing you to other people
- Criticizing you (the way you look, talk, act, etc.), and
- Shaming you
2. Know that just because your Mean Girl has said these things, DOESN'T mean they are true.
It's easy to get wrapped up in your Mean Girl's words -- after all, she knows exactly how to hurt you most. But just because she's said something does NOT mean that it's the truth. More often than not, her criticisms are based on assumptions, misunderstandings, and the fears that plague us in the middle of the night (think: "I'll never find a partner, I'm going to be alone forever!" or "I'm so bad with money, I'm never going to get out of debt!").
3. See your Mean Girl's criticisms for what they really are: FEAR.
Everything your Mean Girl says to you is based in fear. No matter what particular subjects or topics trigger you the most (say, a fear that your body isn't good enough, or a fear that you're not smart enough), they all stem from the same underlying core belief: a fear that we're unlovable and unworthy.
4. Choose love instead.
When it comes to trying to diffuse this fear, there's one antidote that's more powerful than anything else in the whole, wide world: LOVE. Every time a fear-based thought enters your head, try to gently reframe it with a statement of love. This might take some practice at first, but it will eventually become second nature. Here are some common examples.
Your Mean Girl says: "You're butt is so big."
Replace it with: "My body is powerful and strong; and my butt helps me run five whole miles without stopping."
Your Mean Girl says: "You sound like such an idiot when you talk."
Replace it with: "You have just as much right to speak as anyone else. You respect what other people have to say, and they respect what you say."
Your Mean Girl says: "No wonder he dumped you, you're such a loser!"
Replace it with: "There is so much unique beauty inside of me. I am worthy of someone who see's and honors me for who I really am."
5. Take action to shower yourself with love.
Once you've gently displaced the negative thought, it's important to follow through on that gesture with an act of self-love. This can be something really simple (say, taking a five-minute break to enjoy a cup of tea in the sunshine, or saying 'No' to a social event you don't really want to go to in order to spend the night at home with a good book). Or it can also be something bigger and more structured (such as treating yourself to a beautiful massage or pedicure, or buying yourself a bunch of flowers). Whatever act you choose, consciously set the intention to be present the whole time, and to really soak up that underlying current of love.
Becoming your own bestie is essential if you want to experience true, lasting happiness, and this framework is such a powerful way to kickstart your journey. Mastering your Mean Girl is one of the most rewarding acts of self-love there is, and I can't wait for you to try it out for yourself.
If you'd like to find out more about silencing your inner critic and busting through your fears (as well as how to apply these principles to your health, wealth and relationships) check out my new book, Mastering Your Mean Girl. You're gonna love it!