Sarah Palin and the Julia Allison School of Female Achievement

I'm hardly the only woman/human/advocate of sanity that's losing sleep over Sarah Palin. For the past week and a half, I've jerked awake every night between 3 and 4 AM, spitting with rage over the possibility that Alaska's biggest celebrity could hold one (or two! Cancer's a bitch) of the nation's highest offices.

Sure, there's her bubbling stewpot of right wing policies and her role as a distraction from the economy's free fall and global unrest. But as Salon's Rebecca Traister explains in her signature "God damn she's smart" style, a major reason we're all downing Ambien these days is because the rules have been so suddenly, cynically, and cruelly changed. Yes, the stakes of this election were high, but at least women were smashing boundaries -- or so we thought. Now we're drowning in confusion as Giuliani condemns the evils of sexism and crowds straight from a National Socialist rally shriek about drilling. All while this woman, this camera-ready symbol of "new feminism" with babies dripping from her arms, eggs them on.

When asked about Palin, Geraldine Ferraro told Newsweek, "Every time a woman runs, women win." With all due respect, she's wrong: Palin's name on the ticket is a massive, crushing loss. Her nomination (and subsequent appeal) is a violent coup by feminism's bastard child, the ultimate victory for graduates of -- to use a recent and recognizable example -- the Julia Allison School of Female Achievement. It's been around for decades, and consists of a simple, brilliant strategy: Forget the slow and brutal path of actual accomplishment -- instead, do, say, and be whatever it takes to get The Men In Power to notice you, like you, and eventually need you. Follow the script, know your role, use sex whenever possible, and for God's sake, never make them feel anything but omnipotent. Do enough strategic posing, shmoozing, and ass-smooching, and you'll land yourself a spot on the short list of use-able women. And when the boys are in need of some controversial T&A, (or, even worse, relateable mommyness) to boost their Web traffic, newsstand rates, appeal with white women voters, etc., they'll toss you a bone.

All of which can be respected, and even admired when we're talking about landing magazine covers and reality shows. In Palin's case, as Matt Damon so poetically noted, it means winning access to the nuclear codes.

And now, the fact that it's working so seamlessly, in such a threatening time, makes sleep an impossibility. Tossing at night, I have imaginary conversations with my grandmother, who spent 30 years at a government desk for a piddling wage, wielding a sharp tongue and bulky clothes because she wanted to give this school of female faux-empowerment the proverbial middle finger. "What you produce matters, not how much lipstick you wear." Granted, after writing a hefty chunk of the Headstart program only to watch her bosses take the credit, she may have regretted that view. But at least she could tell herself it would be better for her daughter, and for me.

Palin doesn't just embody the empty-ambition-sans-accomplishment school my grandmother so despised; the Alaskan governor publicly embraces it ("I want to be president" -- you can't make this stuff up). She "didn't blink" when offered the VP slot, because it didn't matter whether she was qualified, or whether her lack of qualifications could endanger the society/environment/democracy we live in. This was "her moment." She'd played all the right cards, grinned that bleached grin, trotted out those tried and true feminine wiles, and Saran-wrapped herself in a complete absence of critical thought. She played the game beautifully, so when the GOP's offer came in, she snatched it up.

And now here we are, us sleepless women, watching the proof cement itself that if you wanna make it in the world, this M.O. is your only option ('cause Hillary's way sure as Hell didn't work). If Palin is elected, then we'll have stamped it official: This tactic, this thoughtless pandering that simultaneously reduces women to vacant mouthpieces while propelling them to power, is what got the first woman into the White House. This is how feminism played out.

And if that's indeed the case? Well, you may as well revoke our so-called "equality" and send us back to the disenfranchised servitude of our foremothers. At least back then, women had something worth fighting for.

Follow Melissa Lafsky on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Lafsky

Comments

[mjbigelow]

Since you haven't felt inclined to publish my comment, perhaps you'll publish my post about this, entitled "What is Melissa Lafsky Afraid Of?" I'd love for you to respond in the comments.

http://mjb.biglaughs.org/2008/10/09/what-is-melissa-lafsky-afraid-of/

[boing007]

Forget the slow and brutal path of actual accomplishment -- instead, do, say, and be whatever it takes to get The Men In Power to notice you, like you, and eventually need you. Follow the script, know your role, use sex whenever possible, and for God's sake, never make them feel anything but omnipotent. Do enough strategic posing, shmoozing, and ass-smooching, and you'll land yourself a spot on the short list of use-able women.

This says it all. She is not her own woman, she just fits the neo-con Republican mould of the ideal political woman. Governor Palin is their wet dream come true.

[jojojo]

You say:

"a simple, brilliant strategy: Forget the slow and brutal path of actual accomplishment --"

You forgot:

" early on, complain of sexism in the workplace, even where none exists, so they'll feel unable to fire you even when you do less work than your male and female co-workers."

I've seen it, as have many others.

[whateverstrikes]

This criticism is overly demeaning to Palin and the women that support her (and I am NOT one of them). A Palin presidency scares me, too, because she's a judgmental, unthoughtful extremist with no understanding of crucial issues facing the USA and the world. But the many attacks on her as an anti-feminist seem misplaced and overly bitter. What evidence is there that she got where she is because she uses her sex and sexuality? Although ohers tout her supposed "hotness", she presents herself as a tough, don't-mess-with-me sort who is also "fun" and a "regular mom"-- not as a sex object. Rather than massaging egos, she tolerates no man nor woman who disagrees with her and tears those dissenters down and she certainly doesn't kow-tow to the mostly-male Alaskan legislature. And she is not unaccomplished -- she has been a leader in her community, and her political abilities and charisma got her elected as governor and earned her an extraordinary popularity in her home state (even if we don't see the charisma, it's clearly there for many people). So she's greedily ambitious and fails to see her own lack of qualification for the job she is seeking-- I don't see anything gendered about that. I feel like feminists are undermining feminism itselff by attacking her as an unsuitable model for a feminist rather than as an accomplished woman whose policies and attitude don't favor regular women.

[OnTheFence08]

She has gotten pretty far, hasn't she?

[geodesic]

Yes its sexism thats at the root of the Palin phenonomen, that's sexism & misogyny within the Democractic base, the MSM, the liberal blogoshere, and sad to say in the heart of Barak Obama himself.

If the Dems had done the right thing and nominated the candidate more qualified by a country mile, the GOP would never have considered Palin for VP.

If the MSM and the online commentariat hadn't turned on Hillary in witch-hunt style (listen to her cackle, fnarr, fnarr), Palin wouldn't be able to deploy her sexism shield to deflect any criticism.

If Obama wasn't given a free ride on his bird-flipping, shoulder-d­irt-brushi­ng, ""I got 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one" theme-song playing, hey lil' Missy antics ... If appropriate outrage had been widely expressed at the time, there would be no room for faux outrage now.

If Obama had done the right thing and picked as VP the candidate who garnered just a whisker fewer primary votes than he, again Palin would never have got the nod.

So please, stop ragging on Palin herself, and on McCain for plucking her out of obscurity. Look around you to see where the fault truely lies.

[suigeneris]

There are so many factual errors in this rant that you undermine your own point quite effectively.

[CJsway]

Oh so achingly, terrifyingly true. By Sarah Palin's exhibition and example, women are merely sex objects without substance. All that is needed is a big earthy smile and bat those shining seemingly innocent eyes and the world is all hers.

A stab in the heart of equality.

[CatoTheCensor]

Sleepless at 1:40 AM, myself. From my bookshelf, 'A Handmaid's Tale' is positively staring at me.

[mtchocura]

Brilliant. Thanks for articulating so many thoughts I have been having since McCain first introduced this empty ladder-climber. (And for letting me know I'm not the only one losing sleep over the horror of her rise.)

[pumpkin]

Thanks you for this essay. You said everything I've been thinking.

[whateverstrikes]

Moreover, her governing model isn't about making men or anyone else feel "omnipotent" -- it's about believing that she is basically omnipotent itself -- she's another incarnation of George W. Bush --the thoughtless & uncritical snap judgment-based policies, ignoring counter-arguments, punishing dissenters, the extreme right-wing policies, etc. She's not viewed as subservient (other than doing her job as a vp candidate to tout the presidential candidate who leads the ticket, which we should not fault her for), but as "tough" and a "maverick" and as a strong advocate for Alaska. Let's be fair enough to realize that it isn't an entirely empty accomplishment to be an exceedingly popular governor, which is not the result of her being traditionally "feminine" but because she has actual charisma and an ability to sell her policies (stupid as some may be) to people in an effective manner. Then we can go back to hating her for the right reasons and pointing out what a true disaster she would be if she were to be president.

[WolfLarsen]

You wait all day for steak and they give you Spam and tell you there is no difference.

With all due respect there is a difference.

[realpolitic]

Palin has few ideas about policy and any basic reading shows as mayor she hired friends and punished enemies in the Bush mode. What she is is a confirmed cultural warrior. It is such a shame that at this time in our national crisis someone could be elevated to the number two spot on the ticket just for their cultutral warrior credentials. The more we fight these senseless culture wars, the more rapidly the nation declines.

[rationalthought1]

For years women have been used as corporate spokesmen for everything from tobacco to oil. They put forth a more presentable front, a softer image, to the public. They are USED - usually these are the corporate blonds you see spinningon on tv. I guess you could say they are the lipstick on the corporate pig.

[tdpubs]

The Republican party knows how to take the intent of progress and turn it upside down. They took the principle of 'free market economy and turned it into corporate cronyism and special interest welfare". They take education reform and turn it into "No Child Left Behind". They take everything positive and pervert it for their quest for power and money.

Back in the 60's there were honest and progressive Republicans. Things started to change during the Ford administration. I wonder if there actually is an honest and progressive Republican left. Lincoln Chaffey is now an Independent.