- Because your toddler found the missing black Sharpie before you did.
- Because even though your son is potty trained, he has terrible aim.
- Because your daughter said that when it's sunny outside and she looks carefully, she can see your mustache.
- Because when your 4-year-old wanted to know what a tampon was, you answered. Sort of.
- Because you searched and searched and found a Willy Wonka costume just like your son wanted. And then he decided to be Batman.
- Because even though your 7-year-old told you she no longer believes in the Tooth Fairy, you still leave a dollar under her pillow.
- Because your baby hates to have her nose wiped. But loves to cuddle.
- Because you don't cry over spilled milk. You don't even yell at anyone over it.
- Because on New Year's Eve, you went to bed after the ball dropped in Times Square. And you live in California.
- Because when the lady at the store told you to put socks on your baby, you just smiled.
- Because you've stepped on so many LEGOs that you deserve workers' compensation.
- Because you don't just drive a minivan, you also have a favorite Wiggle.
- Because no matter how often you're tested, you really don't have a favorite child.
- Because you've had a twice-daily, recurring appointment in your work calendar for the last year. It said, "Pump."
- Because it sounded like your 6-year-old told his friend that you were allergic to penis. You are not. You are, however, allergic to peanuts.
- Because "mama" wasn't your baby's first word. It was her ninth. And, she may have actually said, "Martha." That's the neighbor's cat.
- Because someone had the nerve to invent glitter.
- Because you've breastfed in the stall of a public bathroom. And there was no chair.
- Because you can't quit this job.
- Because you'd never dream of it.
Micro Heli Landing Pad Mousepad | $14.95, Zazzle Because with all the technological advances of the past few decades, it's now possible to hover from the comfort of your own home.
QuietComfort® 15 Acoustic Noise Cancelling® Headphones | $299.95, Bose Whatever the kids are asking you about can wait. You can't hear them, anyway.
Pillsbury Crescent Rolls (8oz) | $2.99, Fresh Direct A friendly reminder that we do things differently in the U.S.A. (Not to mention a pretty great bargain.)
Matching Velcro Wall Suits For Children And Adults | $127.99 each, Amazon Why settle for a baby-wearing shirt when you can cover your whole body with Velcro? (Inflatable wall not included.)
Tiger Babies Strike Back | $10.98, Amazon Just in time for Mother's Day, Kim Wong Keltner takes aim at the Tiger Parenting tradition.
Wonder Woman Apron | $24.99, ThinkGeek Protects against all but the most egregious stereotyping.
World's Largest Coffee Cup | $25.99, ThinkGeek This behemoth fits 20 cups of coffee. The only question is... will that be enough?
Conner Reclina-Way® Recliner | La-Z-Boy "Our Reclina-Way feature lets you lean waaay back without hitting a wall," La-Z-Boy's website says. There's a metaphor if we've ever heard one.
Wistful Weekender Bag | $180.00, Petunia Pickle Bottom ... needs a pretty big bag to fit it in.
OrlandiStatuary Standard Outdoor Column Pedestal | $158.54, Wayfair Subtle hint or innocent garden pedestal? The recipient will never have to know.
Moleskine Ruled Notebook Large | $11.74, Amazon Why get her a parenting book when she's clearly equipped to write her own?
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