1. If you drive a car with a "My Kid's An Honor Roll Student" bumper sticker, do you need to carry proof?
2. What is it about getting into bed that makes children so thirsty?
3. Have toy manufacturers ever been to a grocery store? Do they know that eggs get around just fine without being wired to their cartons?
4. Do you think the person who invented glitter later came to regret it?
5. Is there an official government position on when you should stop referring to yourself in the third person ("Give Mommy the spoon") to your children?
6. Does the new baby smell have an expiration date?
7. Why are sailor suits for baby boys such a big thing? Is it because they swam around in amniotic fluid for nine months?
8. You know that terrible, silent pause a baby or toddler makes after they get hurt but before they begin crying? Does that pause just become a lot of swearing (@#%#!!!) when we become adults?
9. Does the American Academy of Pediatrics' recommendation that children limit screen time to under two hours a day have a clause for sick days, snow days or juicy celebrity scandals?
10. Do the people who say that the best cure for diaper rash is to let a baby run around without a diaper live in homes without carpets?
11. Why is it "don't make me count to three"? Why isn't it "four" or "five" so that we don't have to pause after "two" for such a long time?
12. If "in diapers" and "potty trained" are part of the popular lexicon, shouldn't there also be a pithy phrase to describe kids who can poop in the potty but need to be wiped by an adult?
(Some of these questions previously ran on the blog Mammalingo... but in Pig Latin.)
Follow Melissa Sher on Twitter: www.twitter.com/mammalingo
Answer 2: Ah, procrastination, then they wonder why bedtime is so early to begin with
Answer 3: Apparently not
Answer 4: Yup
Answer 5: I don't think the government cares but strangers probably have a reference of age 4
Answer 6: 3 months
Answer 7: Supposedly, they are cute. I think your kid is making a mental note to annoy you later
Answer 8: Yup
Answer 9: No they forget that Mommy's sanity is also important to her ability to care for the child well.
Answer 10: I did but no carpet. I can't speak for everyone else though. You can limit which rooms
Answer 11: I don't pause at 2. It's count of 3 and that's it. My 3yr son learned quickly I mean it.
Answer 12: Good point. I say we call them swippers
My parents always counted to "five".
My parents never paused! If I didn't do it by three I would regret it!
2. It's just fun to make you go get it.
3. I guess not.
4. No, because she was a stripper, and liked the idea of ruining thousands of marriages.
5. Not a nanny state yet, no.
6. Grade school.
7. It used to be traditional for sailors to kidnap babies.
8. Yes.
9. Sick days = no limit, snow days = limit doubled, juicy scandals = you are a bad parent.
10. No, their precious perfect nature children run around all day outdoors in fields and play in brooks and feed the forest animals...
11. With any number greater than three, there is virtually no chance they will begin to move when you start at one.
12. "Mostly potty trained". As in, "My husband of fourteen years is mostly potty trained."
http://dietcokedetox.wordpress.com/2012/07/23/top-ten-things-on-my-mommy-wish-list-3/
6)Baby smell goes away the first day of Pre-K. Or, according to if you feel you are lucky to have kids that play in the dirt, about the time you have to hose them down because you just can't let them in the house covered from head to toe in mud.
5)You never stop talking to your child in the third person. I just talked to my daughter in the third person over the weekend and she's 23 with a baby of her own. BTW, you will say "We go to Pre-K and we got an A on our test, until your child is at least in middle school.
4) The person who invented glitter should be tarred, feathered and hung from a tree. No one should have to clean up years old glitter from an apt. or a house while you are trying to move. As we all know it never comes up. The same should be said of Barbie shoes.