7 Texts You NEVER Want To Get From The Babysitter

If you have children, think back to the first time you left them with a babysitter. I'm not talking about your parents, or your husband's parents. I'm talking about the first time you left them with someone who is not related to you. It can be a very scary time.

Having three kids, I got over that fear very quickly because I was in desperate need of some adult time away from my glorious blessings. While we were out the other night, we received a text from our sitter that was a bit alarming. Here is a list of seven text messages that parents never want to get from the babysitter.

"Are You Serious?" Text Messages from the babysitter

1. I got locked out.

Babysitter: I got locked out of the house.
Parent: Are you serious?
Babysitter: Yeah, but I can see the kids. What should I do?
Parent: Tell them to let you in and then find a new babysitting gig.

If the babysitter can't figure out how to stay in the house with the kids, perhaps she is in the wrong business. If she then can't figure out how to get back in the house, we have BIGGER problems.

2. Who has allergies?

Babysitter: Which kid is allergic to milk?
Parent: They are all allergic to milk. Why?
Babysitter: Ummmm. Does ice cream have milk in it?

Does ice cream have milk? If your babysitter can't read, perhaps you should pay her in a hooked on phonics subscription. "Yes Sara, ice cream has milk, and so does cheese, yogurt, and MILK!"

3. Anyone want a drink?

Babysitter: I found the key to the Johnson's liquor cabinet. Want to come over?
Parent: I think you texted the wrong person.
Babysitter: Just kidding Mrs. Johnson.
Parent: We are on our way home.

Having a liquor cabinet that locks is very important. Usually you are locking it to keep the kids out of it, not the babysitter. Tell Sara to bring her own vodka, Mrs. Johnson's is off limits.

4. Swim lessons anyone?

Babysitter: Can the baby swim?
Parent: Why?????
Babysitter: No reason.

If you have a pool, make sure to have a baby gate that is also babysitter proof. The rule at my house is simple; No one swims unless I am the irresponsible lifeguard on duty.

5. Wanna test the mattress?

Babysitter: I'm babysitting for the Johnsons, and they have a king bed :)
Parent: Sara, this is Mrs. Johnson. I'm going to have to tell your Mom you're a tramp. We are on our way.

If your babysitter seems a bit slutty, make sure to lock the bedroom door. In retrospect, always lock the bedroom door. No one needs to be on your bed, in your drawers, closet, bathroom, or any place you else you may hide anything you don't want on Facebook, Instagram, or YouTube.

6. Where are the Band-aids?

Babysitter: Do you have carpet cleaner?
Parent: Did the kids spill something?
Babysitter: Where are the band-aids?
Parent: What! Why???

No one wants to come home to a mess, especially a carpet stain. However, if the sitter is asking for band-aids as well, you may need to ask some further questions.

7. Are you Up to Date on Your Homeowners policy?

Babysitter: Do you have home owners insurance?
Parent: OMG What happened?
Babysitter: Nothing. Just checking.

If your babysitter ever asks about any type of insurance, GO HOME! You never know what type of shenanigans are about to ensue. Could be roof jumping, playing with fire, skateboarding in the pool, extreme paint balling, or a ninja mixed martial arts competition in your living room, none of which my policy covers.

I am a firm believer in leaving the kids with a sitter. However, make sure to do your homework before running off to have an adult beverage. Stalk their Facebook and Instagram to see if they have recently set fire to any buildings, or have posted bail in the past 30 days.

Meredith is a work-from-home mother of three who writes about the inappropriate side of marriage and motherhood on her blog at That's Inappropriate. Follow her on Facebook and Twitter.