I Know How to Save the Republican Party!

It was never a short or long range goal of mine to save the Republican party. But it came to me yesterday how they can do it. Now my altruistic side has got the better of me.

It hit me after reading Maureen Dowd's column in the Sunday New York Times. Here's her final sentence: "The Republican Party will never revive itself until its sanctimonious pantheon- Sanford, Gingrich, Limbaugh, Palin , Ensign, Vitter and hypocrites yet to be exposed- stop being two faced."

In just that short list of names, she covered illicit theatrical affairs, unwed teenage moms, cruel poorly timed dumping of first wives, drug addiction and stretching the truth. Add Larry Craig , Mark Foley, Ted Stevens and Jack Abramoff and you also add spicy alternative sex hookups, bribery, tax fraud, and fancy vacation houses.

Now put them all together and what do you get? The new Republican Party image: From Grand Old Party to Big Old Party!

The New BOP!

All they have to do, to win over millions, is keep doing the things that they're already doing only really embrace them. Voila! It's their "new brand!"

That's where Maureen Dowd's piece takes a wrong turn. She's stuck in the old GOP, where they used to look down on the stuff they were secretly doing. In the all new BOP, they're Two Faced and In Your Face!

Just like Sarah Palin said, when she shrugged off questions about her then pregnant unwed high school aged daughter; "Life happens!"

Damn straight!

"Because that's the way we do it in the new BOP. The party that lives to love and loves to party! We're the mid-life crisis dawgs and playas, dressed for business but looking for fun. And shit yes, sometimes our teenage daughters get pregnant! Life's for living! We do what we want, when we want and then find a way to explain it! We take no prisoners. Unless we can post their pictures with panties on their heads! We're The New In Your Face Two Faced Shit Faced BOP. "

Actually I'm scared this might be a little TOO effective.

Comments

[rbenjamin]

Exactly Ms. Markoe! The Republicans know how to pander better than anybody, but they've been working the wrong crowd. Instead of sucking up to the religious right, they need to "spark" Hugh Hefner's slice of the demographic. The latter actually has considerable overlap a lot with the current GOP base of older white gentleman, so biggest change for many a Republican would be that the Playboys etc, come out of the dresser drawer and onto the coffee table. It's no secret that the "Horn Dog" wing of the Republican Party is it's fastest growing component. Christian values are tough to follow, but hedonism is as easy as napping! You dress better, eat and drink better and driver better cars as a Horn Dog. Uncertain about how to proceed? Just consult back issues from the Gospel of Hef. An added advantage to the Horn Dog Movement is that it can snare voters while they're young - Playboy has always been a favorite of 14 yr. old males.

[slush]

I think you're on to something. That was Clintons mistake. Instead of a lie, he should have just looked into the camera and grinned.

[DDike88]

I love you, Merrill Markoe.

[ggmome]

NO!, I say let the rattlesnakes, commit suicide.... They are doing just fine right along through here.

[indy girl]

I hate to tell you, they already look about that crazy.

[Edwin Badulis]

You betcha! . . . Don't cty for me Argentina. . . I really luv my stuff. . . I reserved to reverse racism. . . I am limping the de wacto leader. . . winning the whining. . .I know where bin laden is hiding. . .I really love the rich and cut their taxes. . .We are grand(pas), we are old(irrelevant), and we party as minority. . .we love our family especially our wives. . .NO 'r us.

[Thabit]

the new BOP should change its mascot too , I would suggest a goat (willing to screw anything and so hardheaded that they can bust fencposts with their heads and obviously always "horny")

[indy girl]

I like the red white and blue cockroach. This adequately covers both their flag-waving noisy patriotism and the sheer disgust when you lift the rock and hypocrites like Sanford run.

[stuporman]

i'm not sure why anyone would want to save the republican party, but the liberal media keeps giving them a platform and keeps them front and center even if only reporting how irrelevant and wacky the republicans are. by keeping them in the spotlight the media is paving the way for a republican comeback.

[LMPE]

The Grand Oil Party's only hope is if Obama does something incredibly stupid. And "incredibly stupid" is relative, given the past eight years.

[donttasemebro]

If anybody really knows how to save the Republican Party, please keep it to yourselves.

[research]

It's not just the GOP that are the problem,

It's all the conservatives including the DLC.

[humanbeinghuman]

whichever party comes thru with single payer will dominate for generations, seems like one of them would have figured that out.

[JohnFromCensornati]

"And if I am elected, I promise the formation of a new party, a third party, the Wild Party!"
- Alice Cooper (R)

[Nyckname]

Tongue in cheek or not, I wish people would quit telling the Republicans how to save themselves.

[indy girl]

....because it's pointless.

[Solar1]

http://www.teapartyday.com
and
http://www.heritage.org
It would seem the party is not going to actually happen until the average people in the US learn a few things. It won't be that hard, you just have to read once in a while, and possibly try genuine learning. Just to keep you COMEDIANS informed, there is no real interest in reviving the GOP or the RNC at the moment. The real interest is in the TEA PARTIES (there will probably be over 300 on July 4th across the US), and the enthusiasm of people who ACTUALLY want "hope and change" not just a group of politicians grabbing the steering wheel and turning it as hard as they can to the LEFT, while the entire Nation is heading off a cliff. You all can help, too! Just keep complaining and attacking the people who appear to be true leaders, keep doing what you're doing.....as you start to see what Conservatives know already, the real leaders will once again be sought. True Conservatives have no patience for hypocrites, but even less patience for those unwilling to learn and/or be objective in ANY sense. I know there will be plenty of people at the TEA PARTIES who are actually democrats, and plenty of former Republicans who are now Independent, or Non Affiliated, but they are ALL likely to be quite familiar with common sense and the Constitution. True Americans will be showing up at tea parties.- you should too.

[SFTor]

Huh?

[JRsNana]

Click the link and learn.

[chriss0114]

heritage.org, the rewriters of history

[chriss0114]

This message brought to you by FAUX Broadcasting and Rupert Murdoch Enterprises

[phoenixdoglover]

Yes, on July 4th, an otherwise normal day in America, people will gather together in cities and towns all across this fair nation for "Tea Parties". There will be games for the kids, a big picnic, and shortly after sunset we'll celebrate our "Tea Party" with a fireworks display. We've been planning this for months. You'll see, all kinds of people will show up. Some of them may be Democrats!

Also, mark your calendars for the other "Tea Parties" scheduled for later this year: the 1st Monday in September, October 31st, the fourth Thursday in November, December 25th, and the biggest "Tea Party" to culminate the year on December 31st! Be there, or be square!

[rabb046]

Who are these "true leaders" you refer to? Please name one.
While you're at it, name a democrat that will actually attend one of your "parties".
I'm not holding my breath.

[unite4change]

Solar1, I don't follow fools anywhere.