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Ask Michael Cohen: How to Have Summer Loving

Posted: 07/18/2011 4:05 pm

I'm a successful 35-year-old woman who has done very well with my life. I have all the material things I need. A ton of Louboutin shoes, an amazing wardrobe, more Luis Vuitton bags than I know what to do with and a gorgeous apartment. I also have a great set of friends, an amazing family and two gorgeous dogs. One thing I don't have is a man. My body is pretty svelte and I'm not sure why I don't have any love in my life. Any tips on how to put myself out there? Stephanie J, New York City

My first tip is to stop being so self-indulgent. With all the love you have for yourself, maybe there's none leftover for someone else? One thing I need to warn you about ahead of time is that, in general, men do not like an overbearing, threatening woman that likes to show off her power. Hello, they are men after all, and they like to be the providers, and there is nothing wrong with that. In fact, I wouldn't mind finding myself one.

And while I applaud you for everything you have accomplished, finding love is a bit of a different animal. I, too, find myself with material accruements, but I do not ever share or bring them up on first, or second, meeting (which I think you do). You must allow someone to get to know you and learn how you got to where you are. That story is far more interesting than all your six inch Louboutins, unless of course you're looking for a gay husband.

Finding love is simple yet complicated. Put it out there, gently, to close friends and those that you admire, that you are single and open to dating suggestions. I also encourage a profile or two on the plethora of dating sites from Match.com to EHarmony, but don't go into it thinking all guys are jerks and just out there to get laid. You get out of it what you put into it.

Immerse yourself in social situations from gym classes to charities (and give some of that money away) and you'll increase your chances of meeting someone or befriending someone that may know a special guy for you. Lastly, tap into your gay friends -- they always know a cool straight guy.

A few weeks ago I met this guy and I thought it was going to be the start of a great relationship. We had a lot in common such as successfully battling both being former food addicts and "fatties." We laughed a lot and everything seemed very comfortable. And while it was only three weeks, it felt much longer. He told me how "special" I was and that I must be "very important" to him since he loves spending time with me. After that, I never heard from him again. What to do with my achy heart? Mel, Miami, Florida

It's really nice when you find a bond with someone that you're newly dating, especially when it comes to having the same personal struggles and both rejoicing in the positive gains you have made in life. It's an intimate feeling. This is something I want you to be thankful for -- that, and the fact that you had three weeks of bliss.

This experience should prove to you that you're emotionally available and when the right guy comes along, you'll know that what happened was a blessing in disguise. I feel love is right around the corner for you.

As for the achy heart, it will take but a few weeks to heal. Keep dating, stay in the game, hold your head up high and when he calls again (they always do) hit that little red button that reads, "Ignore." And one more thing, a new pair of shoes can make everything better.

My fiancé and I just rented a fabulous townhome in the Adirondacks. To be blunt, this is our New York City getaway and a house of love if you know what I mean. Hence, the reason we are obsessed with the rooftop Jacuzzi where we like to frolic and make love. But we have some neighbors with twin teenage boys who have taken front row seats to some of our late nights. You wonder how I know this? Their parents told us, and then asked if we would refrain from "screwing all night long." We don't think we've done anything wrong. Are they out of line or are we? Please help before my summer lovin' is over. Thanks. Olivia P, New York City

Sounds like you've got a sticky situation of your hands, pardon the pun. This is similar to the sort of scenario in New York City where you have paper-thin walls and hear and feel your neighbors as if they were in your own bed. You deal with it in the most diplomatic way.

This will take a bit of work on your part because you don't need the crazy parents with two horny kids calling the townie police. Have you thought about planting a tall rooftop garden? Otherwise, you'll need to stop having sex at your regular times in the Jacuzzi. Make it more unpredictable so that the boys aren't camped out with their flashlights and iPhones (they all have them at age 13) filming your sexual escapades. If not, before you know it, you'll find yourself on some random porn channel in the amateur section. This is the last thing you need.

When you hit the outdoors make sure you're submersed in the H20 and find some underwater tricks to excite your desires. Then satisfy your appetites indoors and find bliss in lovemaking in the bedroom or maybe the kitchen.

And do yourselves another favor; apologize to your neighbors, because there is nothing worse then being surrounded by bad energy. At the same time you can plant a seed in your neighbor's parental minds that if their sons are peeping toms now, things could get a lot worse.

Need instant advice? Leave a comment here, use my new favorite social media application, Get Satisfaction on my Facebook wall or at askmichaelcohen.com.

 

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