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Ask Michael Cohen: 10 Things You Need to Stop Saying in 2013

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The other day I sat patiently waiting at a restaurant bar for the publicist who -- after a few email exchanges filled with excessive exclamation points (the first sign of what was come) -- wooed me over to possibly include the eatery in a magazine piece. Running up to me because she was late, of course, she screamed "Yayyy!!!" in the same manner and pitch I use to speak to my one-year-old goddaughter when we play paddy cake. She then proceeded to clap like a walrus and said, "OMG, it's, like, so nice to meet you!" After listening to her for more than an hour, I realized that not only was I buzzed from the much-needed cocktails, but she gave me some food for thought: We need to stop abbreviating life, dump the clichés and expressions that have been abused ad nauseam. Here, 10 things that you should drop like its hot (including that annoying "Yayyy!!!") in 2013. Are you like, ready?

I feel so "blessed"
The only time this would make sense is if you just had dinner at the Vatican with the Pope. And, if you feel so blessed, why are you having mimosas on a Sunday and not worshiping your creator? Otherwise, this expression is grossly self-serving and if you feel this way, try explaining it in a few sentences for example; I love what I have created around me and I am excited about the opportunities that a sane and healthy life can bring.

Just sayin'
Let's start with the fact that's it's grammatically all sorts of wrong. Now, if you were really "just saying," then you wouldn't need to say you were "just saying," you just would. If you think someone is a douchebag, say it as if you were using an exclamation point. Your point will be taken, trust me.

FML
I had no idea what this meant when an acquaintance recently used it in a text message, so I inquired rather than go along in oblivion. It means "F*ck My Life." I can't think of anything worse than saying that, especially since she is healthy and fashionable. When something has gone wrong, drop the absurd negativity, solve the travesty which I imagine isn't so bad and don't share. No one cares.

I agree with you 100 percent
Talk about patronizing. Pay attention to this one. When someone responds to you with this, it usually means they aren't listening and are fiddling with their iPhone. After they say this expression, it's usually followed up by, "wait, what did you say?" Case in point. Try this exercise: Don't tell a story or listen to anyone unless you are really present.

Emojis of any kind
A few weeks ago, I went on a date in my neighborhood and he dropped me off at my building. I thought that was nice, but then asked to use my bathroom because he had to "pee pee." I swear. Now, at 40, this is not my first time at the rodeo. I suggested he use the bathroom at the hotel down the block and assured him it was more luxurious than mine. He made his way, but then sent me an Emoji. I had no idea what it meant and had to look it up. The yellow circle with an awkward face meant "confused," as was I; why would anyone other than a third grader would use these to communicate? I hope next time he just writes me a sentence saying he was hoping to get laid.

To be honest
No, bitch, lie to me. It makes me think either this is the one time you are being really and truly sincere or the sh*t is really about to hit the fan. Either way, it's a pointless statement that adds nothing to the conversation. Instead, just get out your thought and do so with some authority and not with the same inflection Valley girls used to speak. Remember, they died in the '80s.

BRB
I'm guilty of this one. What I'm really saying with BRB is that I'm not coming back. I usually use it when I'm busy or too tired to have any sort of conversation. However, since I do practice what I preach, I'm trying to just end the conversation with honesty and I never make promises that are time sensitive and/or that I can't keep.

LMAO or LOL
LMAO is the extended dance version of LOL, and both need to be scratched off your list. Much like BRB, they are dismissive ways to end a conversation, and more often than not whatever they are referring to usually isn't that funny. But if it is, try writing an entire sentence such as, "What you did last night was really funny. It made me laugh when you were self-deprecating." You should let someone know what and why something makes you laugh.

It is what it is
How depressing. Whenever I hear this it always has a sad tone of defeat, or it's simply a means of escape. Think about it this way: if you always do what you always do, you will always get what you always get. Hence it is what it is. Instead start thinking, "it is what I make it."

Did I miss anything? Share what gets on your nerves in the comments section below. In my next column I'll tackle corporate speak that should die such as "let me circle back to you."