Con Games: Of Conservative Bondage

05/30/2010 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Vice in the defense of extremism is no luxury.

The phrase dirty tricks has a whole new meaning now that the Republican National Committee (RNC) under the tutelage of Chairman Michael Steele is countenancing $2,000 chits from the Voyeur nightclub in West Hollywood to go with tens of thousands of dinero for private jets and plush limousines in pursuit of family values.

Someone got fired at the RNC--a scapegoat--but who gives a flying whatever? We all know the score and there are no secrets: the party of bondage is built on a foundation of hip-hip-hooray hypocrisy.

Of course, this is a major reversal of the Hypocritic Oath, the pledge taken by whitebread conservatives to forever fold, fondle, and mutilate any and all pronouncements by dem Dems as, well, hypocritical. Want a hyperpolitical example? Al Gore rides a private jet and actually makes American dollars from his knowledge of greenworld--so he must ipso facto pre-redacto be a hypocrite. Conservatives have voyeuristically dined out on Democratic hypocrisy, real and/or imaged, for decades.

Now the chickenhawks have come home to roost. Forget the Republican Congressman with a fondness the textual sexual. Get over the GOP Senator from Utah who used his foot-stomping in an airport stall as gay semaphore. Let's go to the videotape of Newt Gingrich skedaddling to another woman with a sick wife, or Republican Senator John McCain taking Door Number 2 when he had a chance in lieu of wife number one to bag a beautiful beer heiress in Arizona. Or J.D. Hayworth, McCain's putatively conservative opponent in the Republican primary, when he pocketed the cash from Jailhouse Jack Abramoff. We won't delay this any further by even bothering with Tom Delay.

There's no need to believe a liberal any more when any Teabagger worth his or her saliva can tell you that Republicans are just about as bad as Democrats or maybe worse. What about the Bush drug entitlement program? Or the two wars that Bush-Cheney handled off the books? Or the TARP bailout mailed in by Hank Paulson? Or the Big Three that Dick Cheney said could not go down for the count? Or the lubricated congresspeople on the Right who voted against the stimulus and then took credit for the checks sliding into their districts?

Talk about your dirty tricks. Maybe it's just that Republican high-rollers don't like sex unless they can see someone else doing it. Or maybe it's Voyeur's predilection for lesbians and leather that sets the RNC a'Twitter. Either way talk is cheap, but sex--like politics--can get very expensive.