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Michael Conniff

Michael Conniff

Posted: September 16, 2010 10:47 AM

This meeting of the Virtual Tea Party (VTP) will now come to order. I hope you all got the notice on Facebook and I can see some of you are Tweeting now. Before we got started I will have a few opening remarks.

We all know the Tea Party stands for cutting taxes and government spending. And we know that we want to restore honor and bring freedom and liberty back to America.

If we've learned anything it's that everything is fair game.

Let me explain. When Tea Party favorites talk about masturbation, beheadings, and bestiality they think we've got foot-in-mouth disease, that our candidates have made mistakes that will cost them in the end. They spend all their time talking about self-gratification, bodies in the Arizona desert, and women who like horses more than men.

I mean look what happened in the Republican primaries this week. Christine O'Donnell won the nomination for the Senate in Delaware even though the media tried to make her stand against masturbation into a big deal. Carl Paladino won a shot at the governor's mansion in New York even though he sent bestiality videos via email. And Jan Brewer is ahead in her reelection campaign for governor in Arizona even though she said there were headless bodies in the desert, dead because of immigration.

None of the ruling class understands. We don't care about stuff like that, and neither do the American people, because everybody has weird things they believe in, like flying saucers and their team in the Super Bowl this season. The only thing we care about is liberty and freedom and stopping the federal government. The specifics don't matter, and if our candidates aren't completely normal that's because they represent the heart of the American people.
We never said we were perfect. You don't have to be perfect to love this country. You don't even have to be right.

Any questions? No? Then let's get down to business before we don't have a country left to save.