A Father's Gift: Did You Learn Anything, Tiger?

Nike has done a fantastic job capturing the spirit of engaged parenting. In the controversial Tiger and Earl Woods NIKE commercial, Tiger's father, Earl Woods, is heard saying: 
 


"Tiger, I am more prone to be inquisitive, to promote discussion. I want to find out what your thinking was. I want to find out what your feelings are ... and did you learn anything?"
 


Independent of a discussion of Tiger's conduct (as well as the original context of Earl's recorded thoughts), the shared perspective of Earl Woods can be used as a wonderful guide for those parenting young athletes.

Earl seems to be emphasizing the importance of open and respective dialogue in exploring and understanding his son's thoughts and feelings. Rather than focusing on any particular behavior, he has an acute interest in the motivation underlying it. Earl's intention becomes clear: If he can better understand those thoughts and feelings, he will better understand how he can help his son learn and grow.

Earl clearly had an understanding that thoughts and feelings precede action. This awareness is deceptively simple, and within it lays an important concept for parenting: Once we understand the thinking behind an action, we can begin to influence change in a desired direction.

If thoughts and feelings are the movers for action, then we certainly need to pay attention to both if we want to cultivate (or reduce) either random or habitual actions. The tricky part is, both thoughts and feelings are completely invisible. The only observable glimpse of what another person might be thinking or feeling is through their body language or what he/she might say out loud. But until a person puts words to his/her experience, we can never truly know the actual thoughts and feelings that preempt the behavior. It seems clear to me that this is the wisdom behind Earl's suggestion to inquisitively explore by promoting discussion with his son. 


If you are involved in supporting a young athlete, see if you can generate discussions that can allow you both to better understand the thoughts and feelings that come right before, during or after a behavior. This isn't easy, but it just might help you gently guide his/her actions as you also foster a greater sense of self-awareness for your son/daughter.

Here are a few good starters (that I think Earl might also have appreciated):
 


• What did you learn at practice today?

• How can you use that in your next game?


• Right before you went on the field, can you remember how you felt? 


• When you turned over the ball, it looked like you let go of the mistake. How did you do that? What did you say to yourself that helped?

• What kind of thoughts were you thinking right before the end of the game?

Dr. Michael Gervais, is the Director of Performance Psychology at D.I.S.C Sports and Spine, An Official Medical Service Provider for the U.S. Olympic Team. Dr. Gervais, as a licensed psychologist in California, has consulted with numerous NHL, NBA, NFL, UFC, MLS, AVP, Mixed Martial Arts fighters, Olympians, collegiate athletes, and military personnel. Most of his time is spent with people who are at the "top of their game," performing on the largest stages in the world. Dr. Michael Gervais is a published, peer-reviewed author. He is a nationally recognized speaker on issues related to human performance.

 

Follow Michael Gervais, Ph.D. on Twitter: www.twitter.com/michaelgervais

Comments

[kooperst]

12:45 PM on 04/16/2010

Consumer reaction to Nike's Tiger Woods ad look grim, but Nike played a smart opening hand in what will be a long journey, given its decision to stick with Tiger. http://bit.ly/ctKflj http://mlcwideangle.exbdblogs.com/2010/04/12/our-view-on-nikes-tiger-ad-smart-start-but/

[PatA]

10:18 PM on 04/15/2010

I think you guys missed the point of the article. I am a photographer and after I take a picture I run through the feelings that I had before, during and after. It helps me tremendously.
I am doing a book on rodeo and most of my feelings BEFORE and DURING have to do with conservative fear and where is my exit route. When the photo is taken and the two feelings are gone I slow down and really let myself appreciate them and the feeling of knowing what kind of photograph I'll have.

[Mark Goulston, M.D.]

07:27 PM on 04/15/2010

Talk about turning a lemon into lemonade. Dr. Gervais has been able to turn the embarrassment of a hastily conceived ad into a lesson that can help us all and help us to help the high performers in our lives. Thank you Dr. Mike

[ronbu]

03:29 PM on 04/15/2010

Apparently people at Nike don't know Tiger's dad cheated on his wife, too. Tiger's wife needs to divorce him. He doesn't deserve to be married. Once a cheater, always a cheater, and Tiger also inherited the bad trait, too.

[marlalovestyler]

02:15 PM on 04/15/2010

Whether Nike was right or wrong in using that ad - I'll bet you one thing, it wasn't Tigers idea and it still sucked for him to have to agree. You think that was a fun conversation? "Yeah, Tiger, we are going to use your fathers voice and he's going to ask you what the hell you were thinking because the rest of the world wants to know what the hell you were thinking. Hopefully it will help get you back on the publics good side but we want to make it clear we're giving you a second chance. Don't screw it up."

There's nothing worse than having a parent, dead or alive, express disappointment in you. Remember Kanye on Leno when Leno asked him what his dead mother would have thought of his behavior toward Taylor Swift at the VMA's? Kanye nearly cried. I'm 37 and my father's opinion means a lot to me. I want him to be proud of me. I am still his daughter after-all.