THE BLOG

A Cosmic Spin on All the Would-Be Presidents

11/17/2011 09:02 am ET

Many people think if you can't predict everything, what good is astrology? Its real value, in fact, is the way it presents a view of the bigger picture. It helps keep you from being anaesthetized by one leader who makes grandiose promises of a brighter tomorrow or being turned into a million slivers of squirming panic by another who claims to hear the hoof beats of the Four Horsemen, or, as they are now called, the Four Horsepeople. Astrology can present a more dispassionate profile on the contenders, with all their human foibles as well as the current influences that describe their actions and attitudes. Whether you are an astrology fiend or a staunch non-believer, it helps to put a cosmic spin on all the would-be presidents campaigning for the nomination, mainly because if you didn't look at them as fragile, idiosyncratic human beings, afflicted with the same desires and attachments as we all have, you'd have to emigrate to the moon. Laugh all you want to, but the accuracy of astrology is eerily inescapable.

Take Romney, for instance. He's a Pisces. With the planet Uranus in his sign now, he is a nag who could still come up from the rear at the last minute (besides, he looks, kind of like Ronald Reagan). And, he's going to whack Giuliani where it hurts, even though it's dangerous to mess with a New York Italian.

Speaking of Rudy, the Gemini, don't you think he leads two lives, one we see and one we don't? And when Mars changes direction in his sign at month's end, then watch the cute little puppy go pit bull.

As for Thompson: Leos swagger most when they're nervous. He does everything but, thwompp his Johnson on the table to exhibit his male dominance, but don't believe it. He knows he's not about to just walk away with any nominations.

Note to McCain lovers: His latest "surge" is great, but you have to wait until Saturn goes direct in his sign in May to see how far it will go.

The astrology of the campaign itself? It isn't about Democrats and Republicans any more. It's all about Pluto leaving the sign of Sagittarius and entering Capricorn.

Individual prejudices of race, religion and gender are the real front runners, this month, crossing all party lines. No matter who you pick, you'll be accused of voting not so much FOR one person, but AGAINST somebody else because of the color of their skin, how often they pray to whom, or their physical plumbing. Pluto in Sadge reveals the fact that all our minds have been stewing in pickle juice from the time we were two, thanks to parents, school, church, government and of course, TV. If people said what they were really thinking, you would hear somebody come right out and say:

"A woman in the White House, I wouldn't trust one even AFTER menopause."

Or "A black man President? Shoot me now."

Statements like that might be sickening, shocking and horribly inappropriate, but face it. It's the way some people really think.

But here's the real kicker. The issues of race, religion and gender will turn out to be the three big, fat herrings anyway, because no matter who wins, the real deal is the fact that this country is about to go through a crisis of transformation such as it hasn't seen since the days of the colonists.

The current scene? With Pluto changing sign between now and election time, it is wide open so don't make or take any bets.

Stay tuned.