THE BLOG

Am I Good Enough?

08/03/2014 06:43 pm ET | Updated Feb 02, 2016

There were two guys standing on the corner of the sidewalk, holding onto each other's arms and backs and hugging with their bodies pressed tight. They pulled their faces in before saying their morning goodbyes. Slowly they kissed. It was the sweetest thing. I can admit that even I was a little jealous. To start off your day with someone's mind and heart facing yours as the morning sun blazes over your two eyes is a rare space to be in, especially when those feelings are fresh. I say "jealous" because I was not envious. (Envy being a longer resting of inner discomfort and hate at something you don't have that someone else does, and that is not what I was experiencing). Though, I was a little "jealous," because I had the same thought that so many single gay guys have when you see two fairly attractive men showing their mutual interest for each other out in public. Damn. When am I ever going to have a boyfriend?

At some point, you start to ask yourself all of these inner questions. Why doesn't anyone ever like me? If so, then why don't they ever go out of their way to show me then? What's wrong with me? You ask yourself. Just so that you know, none of those questions actually help you, but judge you rather. You try to brush these feelings off with that old saying, "well, maybe it's not the right time," when you know that there is really never a "right" time. These things just happen. Though, you struggle to see it that way because you think that by getting your shit together (i.e. getting that really cool job, becoming even stricter with your diet, or changing your beliefs and values) will be the "right" time when you will be seen as worthy in the eyes of those who you perceive to be better than you.

Whether you realize it or not, people are perfect, but in their own ways. There are career people. They are the ones who do everything in their power to perfect their own success in what they do for a living. There are "looks" people. They try to perfect what they look like and tend to associate with people and places that channel those same values. Then, there are relationship people. They are perfect at entering relationships and staying in them. So it seems like following what the "relationship people" do would be the next logical step.

"Am I good enough?" is often disguised as a surface level/exterior conflict, but what we are truly asking is more internal than that. "Am I worthy enough?" which is a harsh way of putting it when we ask this question out loud to ourselves, and because of that, we ask "Am I good enough?" instead. Both questions justify each other. "Good enough" makes everything sound like it's about what you have or don't have, whereas, "worthy enough" makes it seem like what you are truly searching for is the validation of being loved.

Sometimes you can believe that you are answering that ugly little question of "Am I good enough" by working on all of these external areas of your life, such as getting the "cool job" or paying more attention to your looks. You could say that you are applying the Law of Attraction there, but what you are really doing is attracting everything else into your life, but love. All of those things that we believe to add value to our lives should only be applied to our lives for the sake of our own desire and love for them, not because of what we perceive someone else to desire from us. If you have true intentions. If you are pure and capable of giving yourself, then you are worthy. Then the question from becomes if they are "worthy enough" of having you.