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Michael O'Loughlin

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Relationships and the Church: How to Create a Welcoming Catholicism

Posted: 06/21/11 11:42 AM ET

A friend once remarked that every view of the church, whether colored with praise, criticism, admiration or disdain, is the articulation of a personal relationship with the person or persons who have come to represent church in an individual's life. He said that during his career as a Catholic priest, he spoke with countless numbers of people who trace back their love of the church to caring nuns or priests. Sadly, he also heard from those who spend years and lifetimes holding on to anger and resentment because of the unkind words or actions of others who represent the church to them.

Now consider for a moment the words and actions of two of America's most notable Catholic figures: New York's Archbishop Timothy Dolan used increasingly incendiary language to fight the legalization of same-sex marriage, and Boston's Archbishop Sean O'Malley directed his officials to postpone a Mass celebrating a theme of "All Are Welcome" at a parish that is home to many gay and lesbian Catholics.

Dolan wrote on his blog that granting marriage rights to same-sex couples constitutes "Orwellian social engineering" and likened the elected assembly of New York to communist regimes in North Korea and China for debating same-sex marriage. But perhaps even more distressing, the affable archbishop used a homily during Mass to further relegate gay and lesbian Catholics to the margins, when he stated that gay marriage would lead society to "peril."

An archbishop's preaching easily personifies "church" to many people, and Dolan employed language that left some feeling abandoned, isolated, and hurt. When asked to comment on parishioners who walked out during the service, Dolan coolly responded, "We're used to that. People have been walking away from God's law. They even walked away from Jesus so we're kind of used to that."

In Boston, St. Cecilia's parish planned a Mass of welcome, set to coincide with the city's gay pride celebrations. When local right-wing bloggers found out, they launched a mean-spirited campaign to cancel the Mass. The chancery then directed the parish to postpone it. Parishioners, with the encouragement of their pastor, held a prayer service on the sidewalk in front of the church, reminding participants that all are welcome in Christ's church. O'Malley, who has tried valiantly though ineffectively to promote respect for gay and lesbian people while calling their actions sinful, used his office literally to shut a marginalized group of faithful Catholics out of the church and relegate them to the sidewalk.

Why are the words and actions of these two archbishops so troubling? If my friend is correct that personal relationships have an abundance of power in shaping one's views about the church, then there is trouble ahead for the Catholic church. Americans today have siblings, parents, friends and co-workers who are openly gay and lesbian. Christians are increasingly willing to live their lives fully and wholly, rather than hide their orientation to fit in at their churches.

Rightly or wrongly, Dolan and O'Malley, and others in positions of authority in any denomination, most easily personify church to the faithful. Their words and actions can poison one's image with the church, and like a video of a sneezing baby panda, this experience goes viral. A parishioner who musters up the courage to walk out of a church where the archbishop is preaching will undoubtedly lament to loved ones and friends. They perhaps begin to question their views about the church. A snide comment or deflated sigh offers clues to others about their thoughts on the church, and the cycle continues.

What is the antidote to this institutional downward spiral, where the church is viewed not as the defender of the weak and vulnerable, but as the enforcer of an antiquated morality? The hope lies in the truth that relationships hold unparalleled power in helping individuals find self-acceptance through God's radically unconditional love. For every rigid religious doctrinaire, there are scores of individuals, lay and ordained, and even some Catholic bishops, who strive daily to protect and care for those who hurt. Relationships have the power to transform how people relate to the church. Those who long for an inclusive and loving church, to witness prophetically with the hopes of a constructing peaceful and just world, can realize this goal through the power of their relationships. These relationships need not be filled with heroic acts. Rather, simple, kind words and gestures, especially from a friend or pastor, do much to combat the harmful words hurled from the powerful.

Read more from Michael O'Loughlin at America magazine and follow him on Twitter: @mikeoloughlin.

 

Follow Michael O'Loughlin on Twitter: www.twitter.com/mikeoloughlin

 
 
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HUFFPOST COMMUNITY MODERATOR
Grada3784
Dogmatic Dictators, believers or not, not welcome
08:46 AM on 06/25/2011
Will Dolan accept the biblical fate of a false prophet if straight New Yorkers don't line up to marry their sisters now?
11:47 AM on 06/24/2011
Since when is morality antiquated? Jesus Christ handed down certain teachings and laws to the church which are still in effect today and need Catholics to stand behind them; not dismiss for today's culture of acceptance and relativism. We cannot please and accept all. Sorry
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eve mahar
01:52 AM on 06/26/2011
Jesus said nothing about gay marriage or homosexuality. NOTHING.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
soma77
Author, Speaker, Retreat Facilitator
03:31 PM on 06/23/2011
The Catholic Church has become fossilized. We don't need rules to keep us form others, but an environment where every man and woman can develop their individual consciousness in such a way as to be compassionate and loving to all. http://thinkunity.com
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john1513
Ora et Labora
01:38 PM on 06/23/2011
Being welcoming and changing the truth are two very different things. While it is true that charity can convert more hearts than theology, we should not abandon one for the other.
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rsttho557949
What is Job's Crucible?
01:06 PM on 06/23/2011
Really simple message for all interested in salvation: Any church that is not compromising itself and stands firm that Jesus is the only way is a Good Church. A church ( Prostestant or Catholic) that compromises the Gospel and promotes ungodly philosophies is not only a bad church, it is an evil church.

Church is for sinners who want to repent and regenerate themselves; it's not a social club looking recruit people seeking to change the church and invalidate the Bible as the Word of God.

Don't come as you are...come correct and wanting to change.
10:21 PM on 06/22/2011
Sorry. These Bishops are merely trying to be clear in what the Church believes. They cannot do anything different, without being false to their theology.
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Grada3784
Dogmatic Dictators, believers or not, not welcome
08:47 AM on 06/25/2011
Just bearing false witness against their neighbors. Or did you miss Dolan's prophecies of incest arising out of the NY law.
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03:28 PM on 06/22/2011
Wrong.

Those involved with the church know the good the church does: the hospitals, the schools, the missions, the homeles shelters and soup kitchens.

I agree the church's Public Relation Department outright stinks to high heaven.

When's the last time you read the Mainstream Media write anything praisng the church's mission or its sucessful parishes that cleaned up the child abuse mess?

Bad press from liberals isn't going to win thsi war. Period. It simply strengthens those who stuck through the mess.

The church should not now, or ever, accept abortion or homosexuality just because it's the popular thing to do. There is the penance box for homosexuals who practice. There are organizations like Dignity.

The sin isn't accepted any more than the sins of an addict, alcoholic, or others with a genetic propensity to sin. New Age sinners are above the confessional? No. That's a Protestant thing. The irony of absolving gays and abortiomists for money and ego and relevancy hasn't escaped some.

The Liberal Churches are the new Johnathan Tetzels -- selling indulgences like they are potato chips to attract parishioners.

Not good enough? Good! There are other so-called welcoming churches with lower standards pushing warm and comfy humanism. Please attend them and celebrate the new decadence.
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umbriago
The Tooth Shall Set My Fee
10:01 PM on 06/22/2011
Wow. Just Wow.
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AdamWest1313
Hardcore Agnostic
12:01 AM on 06/23/2011
So your head is exploding while you watch society change. Good to know.
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Indigo1941
Time traveler.
01:42 PM on 06/22/2011
"Welcoming Catholicism?" Unlikely. Deferred double talk, you mean, and delayed bait-and-switch.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Ami Toben
Plenty more where that came from
01:03 PM on 06/22/2011
I'm still waiting to hear the part about anyone who is not a Catholic going to burn in hell for all eternity.
You can make this man made organization, based on man made legends, as benign and welcoming as you want, it still won't change the core problem of Catholicism. It's not that the Catholic church HAS a problem, it's that the Catholic church IS a problem.
Oh yea, and by the way, thousands of church leaders raping and torturing countless children throughout the ages, while claiming to be sanctified virgins who have a connection to the iron aged tribal middle eastern deity Yahweh, isn't much help either.
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Veritas is Pro Life
Follower of Christ, Family Man and Marine
02:08 PM on 06/22/2011
Here we go again Ami. The Church was initiated by Jesus Christ, then led by his direct representatives - the Apostles and is still led by their successors today.
Your stats are off, but that does not matter to you. Sexual abuse of any child by anyone is a terrible, sinful crime. They should not have occurred by individuals in the Churh and they were not handled properly by some Bishops, yes. Now the Church has procedures in place to prevent this from happening again and to take correct action if it does.
The Church of course does not teach that non Catholics all "burn in hell for all eternity."

from the Catechism:

http://www.usccb.org/catechism/text/pt1sect2chpt3art9p3.shtml


847 This affirmation is not aimed at those who, through no fault of their own, do not know Christ and his Church:

Those who, through no fault of their own, do not know the Gospel of Christ or his Church, but who nevertheless seek God with a sincere heart, and, moved by grace, try in their actions to do his will as they know it through the dictates of their conscience—those too may achieve eternal salvation.
Hope this helps clarify things for you. Veritas.
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Ami Toben
Plenty more where that came from
02:30 PM on 06/22/2011
"The Church was initiated by Jesus Christ.."
No, it was not. Jesus, according to the stories, never tried to form a new church or a new religion.
I probably don't need to go any further because you are already in error about this man made religion, but i will anyway.
Here's a little explanation of why the church has not been forthcoming with its attempts to solve the problem of child rape and torture:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2005/apr/24/children.childprotection
And even if it was forthcoming, what more do we need to see in order to realize that this is a man made organization that has a hell of allot to apologize for and that still claims to be infallible.
How contemptible.
brokerthanu
all acts of love and pleasure are my rituals
09:16 PM on 06/22/2011
Actually, your Christ is mythological and can not be proven to have existed. There is no historical documentation of this person having existed, only a lot of pre-xtian pagan christs dating back to the neolithic and a few individuals who had the same name. You'd think with such great contemporary impact the Romans would have taken notice and left a record of this rabble-rousing miscreant threatening the stability of the empire in one of its most remote corner. They didn't.
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02:59 PM on 06/22/2011
I see you know nothing about the eternal church and its teachings. We teach that members of other religions may achieve salvation also.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Ami Toben
Plenty more where that came from
03:07 PM on 06/22/2011
Oh yes, you teach that now. But this was not always the case. Just more proof of how shifty and man made this supposed divine organization really is.
ThinkCreeps
Seriously, it's time.
01:53 AM on 07/02/2011
That's nice. Yet with the same course material a few hundred years ago you routinely tortured them and set them on fire. Helping them to reach salvation faster, I suppose? Very thoughtful.